


flawed enough (but perfect for a person)

by Crimsoncat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/F, I promise there is a plot, Sex Pollen, Smut, it's just hidden behind a lot of sex and angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimsoncat/pseuds/Crimsoncat
Summary: It's just another Tuesday. Until Natasha gets exposed to alien pheromones that threaten her life.But this weird alien sex pollen isn't what it seems, and Natasha's life may not be the only one in danger.*** Currently on a not so brief hiatus due to rl fuckery. Hopefully updating again soon. Apologies for the delay! I promise I'm coming back to this story! (Edited July/18) ***





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tigerkid14 and Nerdsbianhokie are my heroes. They deserve capes and theme songs and amazing animal sidekicks. This story would exist without them, but it would be at least 60% crappier. You can thank TK for the title, which comes from the song You and Me by you+me. It fits this fic so perfectly that it's almost physically painful, and I'd recommend listening to it.
> 
> I'm not sure what to say about this fic. Be mindful of the tags and let me know what you think :)  
> Enjoy!

Aside from the fact that Fury is in Washington dealing with the fallout from the most recent alien attack, leaving Maria to watch over things in New York, Maria Hill’s Tuesday starts the same as any other Tuesday. The majority of her morning is spent going over the details for an upcoming op in Berlin, and a routine meeting with the R&D department takes up the rest of it; as well as a significant chunk of her afternoon. (Though Maria barely counts that as work.)

 

Meeting with the R&D department always means getting a chance to play with the new toys and Maria leaves the meeting with a smile on her face. Walking down the hallway, heading back to her desk to make a few phone calls, Maria thinks to herself how nice it is to finally have a day where nothing goes wrong. The thought flashes through Maria’s mind and she stumbles to a stop. Maria holds her breath for a moment, half convinced that something will explode just to spite her.

 

But nothing happens.

 

The quiet of the empty hallway remains unbroken and Maria chuckles softly at her ridiculous concern. It is just a foolish superstition; the day will be what it will be. Thinking that she enjoys the quiet doesn’t mean she will call down the wrath of an uncaring Universe. Maria continues on her way, thankful that no one was around to witness her brief moment of irrational fear.

 

Maria is just a few feet away from her office, debating if she wants to detour to the break room for a cup of coffee, when her phone starts ringing. For the second time that day Maria’s steps falter; the phone in her office _never_ rings. There are just too many other, more effective, ways to get ahold of her.

 

Maria tells herself that the worry coiling in her stomach is unfounded. She tells herself that if something were actually wrong her com would have gone off. Or her cell phone. Maria reminds herself that she isn’t a superstitious person. That the idea of having jinxed her day is ridiculous at best. Maria tells herself that she has nothing to worry about.

 

But, even as she tells herself these things, Maria still moves into her office and towards her phone with quick, urgent steps.

 

“Hill.” Maria glances at the display as she picks up the phone, and there is no comfort to be found there.

 

The call is coming from Medical, and there is no reason the Medical department should be calling her. Not unless something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

 

“Maria!” The relief in doctor Nazri’s voice is palpable. “We’ve been trying to reach you for over twenty minutes.”

 

“I was down in R&D,” Maria tells her, “why didn’t you try the coms?”

 

“We did. We also tried your cell and the R&D department. Nothing went through.”

 

Maria frowns. She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket and swears when the screen doesn’t turn on. “One of the new energy weapons exploded while I was down there, it must have fried the electronics.” Maria tosses what is now just a horrifically expensive paperweight onto her desk. “What’s going on?”

 

Doctor Nazri hesitates, and Maria’s vague worry solidifies into something closer to dread.

 

“We need you down here,” the doctor says after a moment. “As soon as humanly possible.”

 

Rana Nazri has been with SHIELD almost as long as Maria has. She has seen and dealt with things that would make most doctors run screaming in the other direction, and she has done it with a strength and grace that Maria has always admired. Doctor Nazri is known for her unshakable calm; Maria can’t think of a time when she ever lost her composure.

 

So the tremble in Rana’s voice, however subtle, tells Maria everything she needs to know about the urgency of the situation.

 

Maria heads for Medical at a dead run.

 

* * *

 

 

There are certain health risks that come with doing what they do. Saving the world is not safe, or easy, or something that leads to a long and healthy lifespan. When the majority of your time is spent fighting aliens and monsters, when you spend your days dealing with alternate dimensions and mad scientists, you get exposed to all kinds of horrific things. And, though SHIELD does basic scans and checks on their agents and the Avengers as they need to, once a year Rana insists on making everyone go through a more rigorous screening process.

 

Six years ago, when a mutated parasite left eggs too small to be detected in an agent’s bloodstream, they’d almost lost Chicago. The eggs incubated in the agent for sixteen months before they began to hatch, eating him from the inside out and then attempting to spread through the population. Five hundred and eighty four people had been lost, most of them civilians, before the threat could be contained and eliminated. After that Rana did a complete overhaul of their medical protocols and procedures; which included adding an intense annual checkup for anyone who ticked enough of the boxes on Rana’s checklist.

 

It wasn’t unusual for the Avengers to check every single one. Exposure to aliens? Check. Unknown biological substance? Check. Radiation from inter dimensional portals? Double check. The list went on and on. Which meant the additional testing once a year was not a thing the Avengers were ever able to avoid. (Though that certainly didn’t stop them from trying.)

 

This year Natasha and Tony were the only remaining holdouts. It was remarkable how fast the two of them could disappear if they so much as suspected they were about to get forced down to Medical. Natasha had literally vanished before Maria’s eyes once. Maria had been staring right at her, but when she blinked her eyes Natasha was just _gone_. It finally took the threat of being confined to isolation rooms for the foreseeable future to get the two of them to get checked out.

 

Maria didn’t blame them; the testing wasn’t fun. But so far, this year alone, it had flagged over a hundred and seventy potential health problems. Maria simply couldn’t let the two of them skip it. Some alien diseases had long incubation periods. Sometimes you were fine until you weren’t. And Maria wasn’t willing to let them take that kind of chance just because they hated the annual testing (Natasha) and would rather pick a fight with the Hulk then spend a day in Medical (Tony).

 

It was just dumb luck that the day Maria had **finally** convinced Natasha and Tony to let the medical team do their jobs was also the day an unknown alien gas got released into the middle of the main hallway.

 

The most recent alien attack had come from a species that they hadn’t encountered before. Unable to find any useful information in SHIELD records the medical team was studying some of the alien cadavers left over from the fight. One of these cadavers was being transported to the lab when the front wheel on the gurney they were using snapped unexpectedly, causing the alien’s body to roll loose as the gurney pitched forward. Tony and Natasha were approaching from the opposite end of the hallway when it happened, and the only thing that saved Tony was the fact that he stopped walking so he could answer his phone.

 

The alien body hit the floor, bouncing and rolling across the hallway before anyone on the medical transport team had a chance to react. The alien, judged safe and non threatening, had only been covered with a sheet. Something that it tumbled out of easily as it slid to a stop in front of Natasha.

 

Natasha stared at the alien corpse in surprise before turning an incredulous look on the medical team. She opened her mouth, probably to voice some variation of _what the everloving fuck?_ But a soft popping sound drew her attention back to the alien cadaver at her feet.

 

Natasha was not an idiot. She knew that random sounds from dead aliens was never a good thing. Especially if they were creepy bone popping sounds. Natasha tried to back away as soon as she realized where the sound was coming from, but she wasn’t fast enough.

 

Parts of the jaw seemed to unhinge milliseconds before a lavender gas was sprayed into the air around the body. Natasha was consumed by the oddly shimmering gas cloud before she could do much more than shift her weight backwards as she began to move away from the body. And as the gas surrounded her Natasha froze.

 

“Natasha!” Tony exclaimed, but she didn’t turn to face him. She didn’t even blink, though Tony couldn’t see that from where he was standing.

 

Tony moved towards her, but was stopped by the frantic shout of a member of the medical team. “No! We have no idea what that gas is, or what it’s capable of!”

 

“Which is probably why we should get her out of it, don’t you think?!” Tony snapped.

 

One of the agents was already on their coms requesting assistance and biohazard suits so they could remove Natasha safely. The other agent turned to Tony and gave him a sympathetic smile.

 

“I understand your concern, Mister Stark, sir, but help will be here in less than four minutes and we will be able to get Agent Romanoff out of there safely once they arrive.”

 

Tony watched as the colour of the cloud shifted. The gas hovering in the air around Natasha, not expanding in either direction down the hallway but simply enveloping her, slowly darkened. Tony had no idea what it meant, but he couldn’t imagine this was a good thing.

 

“We don’t **have** four minutes!” Tony watched with growing concern as the gas enveloping Natasha settled into a midnight blue. He could just barely see Natasha in the middle of the cloud, still unmoving. He couldn’t even tell if she was breathing. And as the gas began to turn pitch black Tony swore fiercely. “Fuck this!”

 

Tony took a few quick steps back before running straight at the vague outline he could just barely see in the middle of the cloud. He inhaled deeply and stretched out his arms as the two members of the medical team shouted in horror and warning, and then he was jumping into the cloud.

 

Every muscle in Tony’s body locked up as he flung himself into the cloud of alien gas, but he had taken a running start for that exact reason. His inertia was enough to propel Tony through the gas cloud, colliding with Natasha and trapping her within his outstretched arms. It was enough to push her out of the cloud with him, and they both came flying out the other end. They tumbled to a stop a couple of feet away from the medical transport team, neither one of them conscious, and the agents leapt to their sides as more members of the medical team in full hazard gear came swarming into the hallway.

 

When Tony and Natasha came to fifteen minutes later they were sharing a patient room, lying in hospital beds attached to at least a dozen different machines as doctors swarmed around them. And they both felt like there was lava in their veins.

 

The doctors made note of their complaints and their increased heart rates, and they continued to draw blood and take samples in their attempt to make sure the two Avengers weren’t dying.

 

Natasha’s machines began beeping first, though Tony’s followed just a few seconds later. The beeping began slowly, a gentle alert that their temperature and blood pressure were rising, and within minutes the beeping had turned into a full blown alarm. Natasha and Tony were burning up, though the severity of their vitals weren’t consistent. Natasha’s heart rate and blood pressure were higher than Tony’s, and his temperature was higher than Natasha’s.

 

One of the doctors leaned over Tony to spread a cooling blanket across his body, and Tony went very still as his breathing got ragged. That was the only warning they received before Tony tried to kiss the doctor bent over him.

 

At the same time one of the doctors gently grasped Natasha’s arm to insert an IV line, and the Russian shuddered violently. A quiet gasp fell from her lips and the doctor froze, worried she might be hurting Natasha.

 

The doctors around Tony’s bed began shouting in alarm as they tried to pry him off of their colleague, and Tony tried to pull two other doctors, both male this time, into his bed with him. Natasha’s doctor was momentarily distracted by the commotion and Natasha yanked her arm out of the other woman’s grasp.

 

According to Rana, Natasha sat there for a moment with a panicked look in her eyes before deciding she was 100% done with Medical. Natasha tore away the various sensors and IVs and fought her way out of the room. She used Tony’s distraction to her advantage and managed to escape without hurting anyone too badly; the worst injury was the broken nose of a young male nurse stupid enough to grab her arm as Natasha tried to slip past him.

 

Natasha made it out of the building, of course, because Natasha is the Black Widow. There simply wasn’t anyone in the building capable of keeping Natasha contained if she didn’t want to be. They couldn’t even say with any certainty which direction she’d gone in. Natasha was the best at what she did; she left absolutely no trail for them to follow.

 

By the time Maria made it down to Medical Natasha had been gone for almost fourty minutes. And though they didn’t have any information to give Maria on Natasha’s whereabouts, Rana and her team had at least figured out what the gas had done to the two Avengers.

 

(Though Maria is having a hard time believing it.)

 

“Sex pollen.” Maria stares at the doctor in disbelief. “That isn’t a thing, Rana.”

 

“Sex pheromones, technically,” Rana corrects her. “The effect it’s having on Tony is unmistakable. He tried to have his way with six members of my staff before we could get him contained.”

 

Maria turns to stare at Tony through the observation window. He is strapped to the bed in his isolation room, struggling uselessly against his restraints, and Maria remembers she had threatened him with this exact thing. “Tell me he’s going to be ok.”

 

“Pepper should be arriving any moment now–”

 

“Pepper? You called _Pepper_? And you’re going to put her in there with him?” Maria cuts the doctor off with a frown.

 

Rana gives Maria a look. “You think I called up the CEO of Stark Industries and asked her to come fuck her potentially violent boyfriend back to health and sanity?”

 

Maria turns away from the window, unable to watch Tony struggle any longer. She flashes her friend an apologetic grimace. “Sorry.”

 

Rana waves away her apology. “Pepper was on the phone with him when everything happened. Tony promised to call her back before he hung up to try and get Natasha out of the pheromone cloud, and when he didn’t Pepper called to find out what the hell was happening. I explained the situation and she asked if she could.. _help_.” Rana sighs. “Believe me, this wasn’t my idea. But if we’re right about the effects of this gas it should clear up his symptoms. He should be just fine.”

 

“And if you’re wrong?”

 

Rana spreads her hands helplessly. “At this point? I don’t know. We just don’t have enough data yet. We’re working on it.”

 

“What about Natasha?”

 

The corners of Rana’s eyes crinkle with concern. “The amount of gas Tony was exposed to, and the length of time he spent in it, is only a fraction of what Natasha absorbed. We don’t have any way of knowing how it’s affecting her at this point. If we don’t find Natasha soon her heart could simply just.. stop beating.”

 

“Have we tried tracking the-” Maria stops mid sentence and she sighs as she remembers who they’re talking about. “She left all of her electronics here, didn’t she?”

 

Rana nods. “Dropped them all in the bushes out front.”

 

Maria considers where Natasha might have gone, and how quickly she can mark each place off the list. “What do I do if I find her?”

 

“Here. Take this.” Rana turns to grab a square plastic box, a little larger than a briefcase, from the cart of supplies sitting ready by the door to Tony’s room. “You were trained in basic field treatments, yes?”

 

Maria nods as she accepts the medical kit. Inside she will find the instruments she’ll need to take Natasha’s vitals, a defibrillator, and a number of other things that might prove useful.

 

If, _when_ , she finds Natasha, Maria should be able to keep her stable long enough to get her back to SHIELD. Or until SHIELD can come to them.

 

“She may not be herself when you find her,” Rana cautions. “Are you sure you don’t want to take some of the other agents with you? You might need the backup.”

 

“The only person I’d want is Clint, and he’s in Damascus,” Maria says. “The two of us might be the only people I’m confident she would never hurt. Besides, what am I supposed to do with backup? It’s not like any of us would stand a chance against her in a fight if it comes to that.”

 

“An unfortunate truth,” Rana agrees. “Oh, one more thing, take this with you.” Rana reaches into her lab coat and pulls out the spare SHIELD issue cell phone she’d made sure to grab. “If we find anything I’ll call you immediately.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Rana squeezes Maria’s arm fondly. “Just take care of yourself, and bring her home in one piece.”

 

Maria puts her hand over Rana’s. There’s nothing left to say, and Maria can feel the minutes slipping away from her. She gives Rana what she hopes is a reassuring smile as she turns towards the stairwell that will take her to the hangar.

 

Before she begins turning over all of the rocks Natasha might be hiding under, there’s one place Maria needs to check first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a set update schedule for this. I imagine it will be at least once a week, but I could probably be convinced to do bi weekly postings with enough feedback ;) I am absolutely not above bartering comments for quicker story updates. I have zero chill don't look at me like that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria tracks down Natasha and must decide how far she's willing to go to save Natasha's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've hit the magical combination of hits/comments/kudos required to unlock an earlier chapter posting! I'm quite fond of this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for all of your feedback! I will get around to responding to each of the comments eventually. But I figured if I had time to respond to comments or post another chapter you'd probably prefer the chapter.  
> Enjoy!

Maria isn’t surprised when her hunch turns out to be correct and the elevator at the Tower refuses to take her to Natasha’s floor. As the most obvious hiding spot the Tower is the last place you would expect the Black Widow to run. Which, as far as Maria was concerned, made it the most likely place Natasha would be.

 

“Hello, Assistant Director Hill,” Jarvis greets her after Maria repeatedly presses the button for Natasha’s floor. “I regret to inform you that Agent Romanoff does not wish to be disturbed.”

 

“Hello Jarvis.” Maria nods at the security camera in the corner. “I’m afraid I can’t take no for an answer.”

 

“That is most unfortunate,” Jarvis remarks.

 

Maria hums in agreement. “Tell me, Jarvis, how is Natasha doing? Have you been tracking her vitals?”

 

“Agent Romanoff considers it an imposition on her privacy,” the AI informs her.

 

“Of course she does,” Maria mutters.

 

“I would never scan her without her explicit consent.”

 

“I need you to scan her now, Jarvis. It’s a bit of an emergency. I know Natasha will forgive you just this once.” Maria waits, but no response comes from the AI. “Jarvis, _please_ ,” Maria begs, without shame or hesitation. “Natasha is really sick. She needs our help!”

 

There is still no response and Maria wants to scream in frustration. Maria hadn’t expected that the AI would be a problem. But she knows if Jarvis doesn’t want her getting to Natasha’s room she isn’t going to get down there. And, of course, the only person who might be able to override Jarvis is currently strapped to a bed in SHIELD’s med bay, blitzed out of his mind on alien pheromones.

 

“She can’t die when I’m **this** fucking close to her!” Maria shouts. “ **JARVIS!** ”

 

Maria glances back the way she came, past her quinjet sitting on the landing pad, and she eyes the edge of the roof. Maria is trying to remember if the outside of the building is electrified, if it would be safe to try and rappel over the side of the building and down to Natasha’s floor, when the elevator doors finally close. The button for Natasha’s floor lights up and Maria closes her eyes in relief as the elevator begins to descend.

 

“I will need to apologize to Agent Romanoff,” Jarvis says, “but it appears you are correct; her vitals are quite alarming.”

 

“Thank you, Jarvis.” Maria shifts anxiously. Has the elevator always been this slow?

 

Almost as if reading her mind the elevator begins to drop faster. “I hope you don’t mind, but I have increased the speed of your descent,” Jarvis informs her.

 

“I don’t mind at all,” Maria assures the AI. “Thank you.”

 

“If there is anything that you need, Assistant Director, please let me know. I do not actively monitor Agent Romanoff’s quarters, per her request, but if you call for me I _will_ hear you.”

 

Maria nods at the security camera again. “I will,” she promises.

 

The elevator begins to slow and Maria turns towards the doors. She wonders how bad things have to be before Jarvis will use a word like alarming, and she tries to brace herself for the worst. As the elevator doors begin to part Maria is already moving, and she slips between them before they are even half open.

 

“Natasha?” Maria calls as she steps into the front hallway of Natasha’s apartment. Behind her the elevator doors close, but Maria doesn’t hear it move away. It’s a comfort to know they won’t need to wait for it if Maria needs to rush Natasha out of the building.

 

Maria walks down the hallway, and her steps on the hardwood are the only sound in the apartment. “Nat?” She isn’t sure if she imagines the quiet shuffle of fabric, but she turns towards the bedroom. It’s as good a place to start looking as any.

 

Maria finds Natasha sitting in the corner of her bedroom, curled in upon herself. Natasha is hugging her legs tightly against her chest with her face resting against her knees as she trembles. Natasha’s hair is wet and she’s wearing a flannel robe, and when Maria steps into the room she tries to press herself even deeper into the corner.

 

“Natasha,” Maria breathes, her heart aching at the sight before her. Maria takes a hesitant step forward and Natasha’s head snaps up.

 

“ _No!_ ” The panic in Natasha’s voice is like nothing Maria has ever heard from her before.

 

Maria stops immediately. She even takes a step back in the hopes of keeping Natasha as calm as possible. Natasha doesn’t look away from Maria, and her moss green eyes travel over Maria’s body with a burning intensity that makes Maria’s stomach flip.

 

“I need you to leave,” Natasha says. Her tone is a bit more even than it was, but the panic is still there.

 

“You know I can’t do that.” Maria shakes her head. “You need to come back to SHIELD with me before your heart explodes.”

 

Natasha laughs, but it’s a ragged sound. “This is nothing. This is a walk in the park compared to some of the things the Red Room injected me with. I’ll be fine, Maria.”

 

“This isn’t the Red Room, you stubborn idiot!” Maria snaps. “Let me take care of you!”

 

(There is no mirth in the smile that slowly stretches across Natasha’s face at Maria’s words. It looks more like a display of dominance, more of a subtle threat, than a true smile.

 

It makes Maria think of lions and gazelles and what it might feel like to be devoured, and Maria considers that maybe she should choose her words with a bit more care.)

 

“At least let me take your vitals,” Maria negotiates, quickly pushing them past her unfortunate word choice.

 

The thought of Maria being that close to her brings the panic back to Natasha’s eyes. She presses back against the corner, as if she were trying to burrow deeper into the wall, and when Maria takes a slow step forward Natasha actually _whimpers._

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Maria murmurs sadly, “what did they do to you?”

 

“I am _barely_ able to stay away from you,” Natasha says, her voice rough as sandpaper. The fire in Natasha’s eyes flares and she groans deeply. “You look so fucking good, and I don’t..” Natasha finally looks away from Maria, and her next words are spoken in a shamed hush. “I don’t trust myself, Maria. What the fuck _was_ that?!”

 

“According to Rana you were infected with some kind of sex pollen. Or, no, pheromones. Alien pheromones,” Maria explains, and Natasha’s brittle laughter startles her.

 

“Of fucking course it was. Of fucking course I got sprayed with weird alien sex pheromones. That sounds about right.” Natasha knocks her head back against the wall a few times in frustration and with enough force that Maria worries she’ll hurt herself. “Remember when life was simple and easy?” Natasha asks, glancing in Maria’s direction.

 

Maria stares at her blankly. “No.”

 

The weak smile Natasha gives her this time is a real smile, without the predatory gleam. “Yeah. Me either.”

 

Maria takes another slow step forward. Though Natasha is much more coherent and in control than Maria was expecting, she still looks like she’s hanging on by her fingertips. Maria can see the frantic beat of her heart in the hollow of Natasha’s throat and her breathing is ragged and uneven, like she can’t get a proper breath. Natasha’s moss green eyes are glassy and unfocused, her pupils are completely blown, and Maria wasn’t kidding about needing to get her back to SHIELD before her heart exploded. Maria takes one step and then another, and Natasha’s feet scrabble against the floor as she tries to push herself into the wall at her back.

 

“ _Maria please!_ ” Natasha exclaims desperately. Maria has never heard once heard fear in Natasha’s voice, not like this, and the absolute terror in her words makes Maria ache.

 

Maria stops moving. She’s almost halfway across the room now, and she doesn’t retreat this time. “I’m not leaving without you, Nat. You know I’m not.” Natasha’s breathing is more ragged than it was when Maria first arrived, and Maria considers the small tank of oxygen in the medical kit that she carries.

 

“I can’t,” Natasha gasps, “I can’t go back out there. I almost didn’t make it home.”

 

Maria isn’t quite sure how Natasha **did** make it home. She doesn’t want to think of Natasha trying to drive like this, but she also can’t imagine Natasha surviving the subway ride across the city.

 

“Ok,” Maria agrees, desperate to ease some of Natasha's panic, “but if we’re staying here you have to let me help you deal with this.”

 

Something shifts in Natasha’s eyes, and Maria can see her struggling against the need surging through her veins. “You have to stop saying things like that,” Natasha manages after a moment.

 

“Sorry,” Maria sighs. “Look, I get that you don't trust yourself right now. I saw what this shit did to Tony. But _I_ trust you, Natasha. I will **always** trust you.”

 

Maria watches as Natasha drops her head back onto her knees and struggles to take a deep breath. Worry wraps around Maria’s heart, painful as barbed wire, but she waits while Natasha composes herself. It takes a few minutes, but eventually Natasha lifts her head to meet Maria’s eyes. She gives a jerky nod and Maria continues her slow approach.

 

The flush on Natasha’s cheeks is darker when Maria crouches by her side, and Maria does her best to ignore the way Natasha reacts to her proximity. Instead Maria continues to move slowly, understanding on an instinctual level that sudden movements would be a very bad idea right now. Maria puts down her field kit and opens it, pulling out the oxygen tank and the little machine that will monitor Natasha’s vitals. Maria turns to put the oxygen mask over Natasha’s head, but she freezes when she sees the look in Natasha’s eyes.

 

“You are so beautiful,” Natasha murmurs quietly. There is a hunger in her gaze, a desperate longing that makes Maria _ache_.

 

“Natasha.” Maria says her name like a vow, like something precious that will not be broken, and Natasha draws a shuddering breath. “I need to put this mask on you. Or, maybe you should do that yourself..”

 

Natasha shakes her head. “If I move my hands it’s not the oxygen mask I’m going to reach for.”

 

Maria glances at where Natasha’s arms are still wrapped around her knees, and she notices the way Natasha’s hands are gripping her arms hard enough to bruise. Natasha has pressed her nails into her skin with enough force to cut herself, and Maria reconsiders agreeing to stay here when she sees the blood under Natasha’s fingernails.

 

“It’s ok,” Natasha says softly, reading the look on Maria’s face. “It helps. The pain helps. But I need you to do this for me.”

 

There isn’t anything Maria can say to that, and she slips the mask over Natasha’s face in lieu of responding. Natasha goes perfectly still, her eyes closing as Maria leans towards her to adjust the mask. Maria carefully pulls damp red curls out from under the elastic band and when Maria’s fingertips accidentally brush against the nape of her neck Natasha’s entire body trembles violently.

 

“We’re almost done,” Maria promises softly, and she does her best to ignore the quiet whimper that Natasha can’t quite swallow. “I just have to-”

 

“I know,” Natasha cuts her off. “Do it.”

 

Maria hesitates for a moment before she pulls Natasha’s robe open just a bit. She moves quickly, sticking electrodes to Natasha’s chest and clipping on the leads attached to the small machine that will monitor Natasha’s vitals. Maria tugs the robe back into place as best she can around the wires when she's done.

 

Maria moves back a little to give Natasha some space to breathe, and when Natasha finds the strength to opens her eyes a few minutes later the look on Maria’s face tells her exactly how bad it is.

 

“We need to get back to SHIELD,” Maria says.

 

Natasha knows that tone well. She has heard it often enough during missions to recognize it easily. It’s Maria’s Assistant Director voice. It’s the ‘I’m not fucking around’ voice, the one that she pulls out when she needs people to fall into line without question or hesitation. Natasha has ignored that voice more times than she can count, but today the authoritative tone makes her _hurt_.

 

“There isn’t anything they can do for me,” Natasha argues, “you know there isn’t.”

 

Maria opens her mouth to disagree, but Natasha continues speaking before she can. “We wouldn’t make it out the door, Maria.” Natasha watches her intently, and though her words are muffled slightly by the oxygen mask the desperation in her tone is unmistakable. “We wouldn’t even make it five feet. It’s all I can do to sit here and not..” Natasha swallows audibly and Maria is the one who shivers this time.

 

“Your body can’t handle this kind of stress,” Maria tries again. “Come back to SHIELD with me. Rana will have–”

 

“How’s Tony?”

 

Maria blinks at the sudden change in topic. “He was almost out of his mind when I left,” Maria answers honestly. “I don’t know how you’re still functioning.”

 

“Probably because Tony gives in to most of his urges, and I’m used to denying myself the things I want most.” Natasha watches Maria carefully. “What was Rana’s solution? How is she treating it?”

 

“Uh.” Maria can’t help but feel like Natasha already knows what she’s going to say. “Pepper was on her way over. To, er.. _help_.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Something dangerous flashes in Natasha’s eyes and Maria resists the urge to withdraw further. “So are we going to draw straws to decide who gets to fuck the Black Widow, or what? I imagine there must be more than a few people who would volunteer.”

 

Maria’s gaze hardens. “If you think for even one second that I would let that happen then you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

 

“Tell me she has another option, and I’ll go back with you.”

 

Maria thinks about the phone the doctor pressed into her hand before she left SHIELD, and the promise Rana made to let her know as soon as they had anything.

 

The phone hasn’t so much as beeped once.

 

Natasha reads the truth on Maria’s face and she deflates. Her head hits the wall as she leans back against it, and Natasha closes her eyes and does her best to breathe evenly. Maria feels like she's failed her, and she watches Natasha sadly. There isn't anything she can say right now that would make this better.

 

They sit like that for awhile, the minutes passing slowly as Maria keeps a close eye on Natasha and an even closer eye on her vitals. She would almost believe Natasha were sleeping if her heart rate weren't still steadily increasing bit by bit. Maria wonders how much of this Natasha’s body will be able to take. She wonders if there will be some kind of warning, or if her heart will simply stop beating. That would be kinder than a stroke, or a heart attack. It would be better than a lot of the violent ways Natasha’s life could end, but Maria doesn’t know how to turn this into something she can live with. Her own heart stutters in her chest, and it’s a relief when Natasha breaks the silence.

 

“I can feel it,” Natasha says quietly, “swimming through my blood and pressing against my skin. It feels like my insides are turning to ash, and I don’t know what will be left when it’s done burning through me.”

 

Natasha’s blood pressure ticks up at the same time as her temperature, and Maria can feel something precious begin to crack inside of her. “I’m not just going to sit here and watch you die.”

 

Natasha opens her eyes and tilts her head towards Maria. Natasha absently licks her dry lips as she pins Maria with her feverish gaze “I’m open to suggestions.”

 

“I’m assuming you already tried..” Maria gestures vaguely, and Natasha gives her an amused look. “Right. Well. We could put you in an ice bath,” Maria offers.

 

Natasha exhales tiredly. “I tried that when I got home, too. It didn’t make a difference.”

 

Maria thinks for a moment. “Sedatives?” She doesn’t miss the fear that briefly flashes through Natasha’s eyes. “Or not.”

 

“I don’t think I could do that,” Natasha says, her voice subdued. “If I’m going to die I want to face it with my eyes open.”

 

“You aren’t dying!” Maria snaps. “Don’t say that. Don't even _think_ it. Don't you _dare_. That isn’t an option.” Natasha doesn’t respond to Maria’s outburst, and they watch one another in silence for a few minutes.

 

A thought has been sitting at the back of Maria’s mind since she stood in front of the observational window and watched Tony struggle against his restraints. Maria pushed it aside when Rana mentioned Pepper was on her way in, and she squashed it every time Natasha looked at her like she was dying of thirst and Maria was the only water left in the world. Maria allows the idea to resurface, and she isn’t so quick to dismiss it this time. Natasha’s temperature ticks up another fraction of a degree as Maria considers the one thing that she hasn’t allowed herself to see as an option.

 

Natasha chuckles weakly. “I was wondering when we’d get here.”

 

“I hate it when you do that,” Maria sighs, vaguely annoyed at how easily Natasha keeps reading her.

 

“I’m amazed it took you this long,” Natasha continues, ignoring Maria’s annoyance. “But I’m also surprised you’re really considering it.”

 

Maria tilts her head. “So I **can** still surprise you, then.”

 

“Tell me your idea, Maria,” Natasha murmurs, her eyes dark.

 

“It didn’t help when you tried to relieve the pressure on your own,” Maria speaks slowly, “so you obviously need another person. Why not me?”

 

Natasha opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. She clears her throat and licks her lips before trying again. “That is the worst seduction attempt I’ve ever heard.”

 

Maria hums. “It’s still working though, isn’t it?” Natasha isn’t the only one of them fluent in the other’s body language and Maria doesn’t miss the way her words, as weak as they were, affect Natasha.

 

“So you want to help scratch my itch?” Natasha counters with a question of her own.

 

“We’re friends; I would do anything to save you. You know that.” Maria answers honestly.

 

Something glitters in the cloudy depths of Natasha’s eyes. “Friends. Is that what we are?”

 

Maria thinks of the way Natasha looks at her sometimes when she thinks Maria isn't watching. She considers the fact that she would burn the city to the ground if it meant keeping Natasha safe, and Maria has to admit that _friendship_ doesn't even begin to describe this thing between them.

 

“What would you call this, then?” Maria asks.

 

Natasha considers her for a moment. “Complicated,” she finally answers, and Maria makes a sound of agreement.

 

_Yes_ , Maria thinks, _it’s definitely that._

 

“Tell me why you think it’s a bad idea.” Natasha’s words are a quiet murmur, and even then Maria can still hear the strain in her voice.

 

Maria’s eyes automatically shift to check her vitals. “You know why,” she says just as softly.

 

“Tell me anyway.”

 

Maria turns away from the terrifying numbers to meet Natasha’s gaze. “Are you even capable of saying no right now? _Could you_ say no to me?"

 

“I've been doing a pretty decent job so far,” Natasha points out, but Maria is shaking her head before Natasha is even done speaking.

 

“You’re fighting yourself, not me. I haven’t offered you anything to fight against.”

 

Natasha blinks. She wants to deny it, but they both know that Maria’s right. Natasha’s grip on the need surging through her system is tenuous at best. Just the thought of what Maria might be offering is almost enough to shatter what little control she’s managed to hold onto.

 

“Tell me, honestly, if I offered to fuck you until you couldn’t even remember your own name, would you be able to say no to me?” Maria asks bluntly.

 

Natasha gasps as the fire under her skin threatens to consume her, and it takes everything she has to focus on what Maria is still saying.

 

“What if I didn’t offer, or even ask? What if I just leaned in and kissed you? What if I decided to simply take what I wanted? Would you be able to hold back then? Would you even _try_ to fight me?”

 

It takes a moment for Natasha to register the taste of blood, and a moment longer to realize that she bit through her lip. She’s trembling violently, and she can’t help the pained whine that escapes her. Maria watches sadly as Natasha confirms what she already knew. A quiet beep pulls Maria’s attention back to the machine and she swears when she sees how the readings have spiked.

 

“Natasha, breathe.” Maria fights to keep the panic out of her voice, silently cursing her stupidity as she turns away from the medical instrument and refocuses on the woman sitting before her. “Just breathe. Slow and steady; just breathe, sweetheart. Like this.”

 

Maria inhales deeply, holds it for a moment, and slowly exhales. Natasha tries to copy her, and the desperate edge in each breath hurts Maria in a way that nothing else ever has. Natasha’s fingers have gone white with the force of the grip she has on her arms, and Maria tries not to think about how much pain Natasha must be in at that moment.

 

Natasha inhales deeply, and when she exhales it’s a ragged sob. “Please,” Natasha manages.

 

The machine beeps, more sharply this time, but Maria can’t take her eyes off of Natasha; not even to check her vitals. Natasha’s eyes are an abyss of need and pain and Maria cannot turn away from her. She can’t watch Natasha die. She **won’t**.

 

“Maria, _please_ ,” Natasha begs.

 

The machine beeps a third time, and Maria can’t help but notice that Natasha still hasn’t reached for her. Natasha may no longer have a choice, her body may be betraying her, but she is still fighting to hold back. She is still asking instead of taking; a luxury that Maria no longer has. Maria is painfully aware that it isn’t Natasha pleading with her. This is the alien pheromones at work, plain and simple. Natasha isn’t here anymore. Not really.

 

Maria considers the years they have spent flirting and dancing around one another. She contemplates all the time she has spent imagining Natasha desperate for her, imagined bringing her to the edge and holding her there until she was half out of her mind with need. Maria has wanted Natasha for as long as she can remember. She thinks that Natasha has wanted her, too. But not like this.

 

_Never_ like this.

 

Maria hates herself for hesitating, for making Natasha beg, and she hates herself for being the reason Natasha was in that hallway when everything went so horribly wrong. And, even though she _knows_ that there isn’t another option, Maria hates herself for not finding a better solution before it came to this.

 

It isn’t the frantic beeping that does it, and it isn’t the way her name tumbles from Natasha’s lips; a desperate litany of desire. In the end, it’s the way those gorgeous moss green eyes fill with tears. It’s knowing how much Natasha is suffering in that moment, and knowing she has the power to save her. It’s knowing that she will gladly hate herself for the rest of her days if that is the price she needs to pay to keep Natasha in this world even a little while longer.

 

Maria crosses the space between them on her knees. She carefully removes the oxygen mask and sets it aside as Natasha trembles. Maria combs her fingers through Natasha’s hair, gently teasing apart the tangles she finds, and Natasha continues to tremble. Maria tucks still damp curls behind Natasha’s ears and cups Natasha’s face in the palms of her hands.

 

“Maria,” Natasha murmurs reverently, and Maria kisses her. Natasha melts into her, finally unfolding so she can reach for Maria. Strong hands grip Maria’s arms tightly as Maria kisses her desperately. “Please,” Natasha murmurs against Maria’s lips, rising onto her knees so she can press against Maria more fully.

 

<< _Please,_ >> Natasha repeats, in Russian this time, and holy fuck has Russian always been this sexy?

 

Maria kisses her way across Natasha’s jaw as her hands migrate lower. She detaches the leads and gently peels the electrodes away from Natasha’s skin. Maria dips her head to press a kiss to each spot where they sat, and Natasha’s hands find their way into Maria’s hair. Maria tugs at Natasha’s belt and parts her robe with shaking hands. Natasha’s skin is so hot it’s almost painful to touch, and Maria doesn’t know how Natasha managed to stay coherent and stable for as long as she did.

 

Natasha whines when Maria’s nails scrape across her ribs, and Maria lifts her head to capture Natasha’s lips one more. She swallows every desperate sigh and strangled moan that Natasha makes, and when her fingers move between Natasha’s legs Natasha isn’t the only one who trembles.

 

Maria breaks their kiss with a desperate gasp, her breathing just as ragged and uneven in that moment as Natasha’s. Natasha presses her face into Maria’s neck with a moan and cants her hips against Maria’s torturously slow explorations. It isn’t Maria’s intent to tease her, but Natasha is so wet that she’s _dripping_ and Maria can’t help the way her brain short circuits when presented with that information.

 

Natasha stops breathing when Maria’s fingers slide across her clit. Her hips jerk as she tries to get the friction she needs, and she nips at the skin beneath her lips in frustration when she can’t find it. Maria wraps her other arm around Natasha’s waist, holding her close as she circles Natasha’s clit with her fingers. Natasha sobs into Maria’s throat, the strangled sound tearing out of her as Maria applies more pressure.

 

“Shh,” Maria soothes, “I’ve got you.” Maria tightens her grip on Natasha and holds her closer as she increases the speed of her fingers.

 

“Любимая,” Natasha gasps against Maria’s skin, and Maria’s head spins.

 

Любимая. Darling. Beloved. Sweetheart. _Love_.

 

“I've got you, Nat,” Maria repeats as Natasha’s grip on her hair tightens past the point of pain and Natasha’s breath catches. “Let go, baby. Just let go. I've got you.”

 

Natasha jerks, her hips stuttering against Maria’s hand as she comes with a choked cry. Maria continues to circle Natasha’s clit, though she slows the speed of her fingers as she eases Natasha through the orgasm; drawing it out for as long as she can.

 

“Breathe,” Maria reminds her gently, and Natasha inhales sharply. Her exhale is a deep groan as she shudders in Maria’s arms. “Better?” Maria asks, pressing a kiss to Natasha’s temple.

 

The only response she gets is a quiet whine as Natasha shifts, pressing herself more firmly against Maria’s hand.

 

Maria uses the grip she has around Natasha’s waist to adjust their position. She carefully pulls Natasha away from the corner and lays her down, and in the process Natasha releases the death grip she has on Maria’s hair. Her hands drop away from Maria’s head and Maria immediately misses the feel of Natasha’s fingers against her scalp.

 

Natasha’s bed is just a few feet away, but something about the tension in Natasha’s body makes Maria doubt she’d be able to handle the delay. Not even if it meant being spread across sheets of Egyptian Cotton instead of the unforgiving hardwood floor.

 

Maria settles along Natasha’s side. With one arm now trapped beneath Natasha and the other still between her legs, Maria nuzzles at Natasha’s robe. She pulls it open with her teeth and leaves a trail of open mouthed kisses across Natasha’s chest. And when Maria’s lips close around one of her nipples Natasha’s back tries to bow off of the floor.

 

Maria traces lazy circles around Natasha’s clit as she teases Natasha’s nipple with her mouth. Maria sucks the hard nub between her teeth and, as turned on as Natasha is, that’s all it takes. Natasha comes with a desperate “Masha!”

 

Maria kisses her way across Natasha’s chest, murmuring soft nonsensical words as Natasha comes apart in her arms. And even after her orgasm has washed over her, Natasha still trembles with need. Maria shifts and pushes three fingers inside of her without warning.

 

Natasha is absolutely _soaked_. Maria’s fingers slide inside of Natasha easily, as she knew they would, and Natasha digs her nails into Maria’s shoulders. If Maria weren't still fully clothed she has no doubt that Natasha would have shredded the skin on her back, and the thought is surprisingly arousing.

 

Maria kisses along the column of Natasha’s throat as she fucks her. Natasha’s breath comes in stuttering pants, her hips rising to meet each of Maria’s thrusts, and Maria can't help the way she presses herself against Natasha’s thigh. In that moment Maria is thankful she is still wearing her pants, and that Natasha can't feel how wet this is making her.

 

<<Harder,>> Natasha manages, her voice breaking, and Maria happily obeys.

 

Natasha begins to whimper desperately, her nails scratching at the shirt that covers Maria’s back as she tries to pull her impossibly closer. Maria leaves a trail of kisses behind as she moves to the the pulse point on Natasha’s neck. Maria can feel each throb of Natasha's heart beneath her lips, and the stuttering beat is still dangerously fast. Even now, with Maria pushing Natasha so hard, her heart rate still should have slowed to a more reasonable speed.

 

The rhythm of Natasha’s hips begins to falter and Maria wishes she could take credit for how quickly Natasha unravels. Maria nuzzles against Natasha’s shoulder as she fucks her faster, and she groans when Natasha’s hands drag along her back. Maria’s shirt is in the way, but she can still feel the press of Natasha’s nails against her skin and it feels **good**.

 

Maria parts her lips without thinking and bites into Natasha’s shoulder, almost hard enough to break the skin, and the weight of Maria along her side isn't enough to keep Natasha pinned against the floor this time. Natasha’s back arches away from the hardwood as she comes, and she _screams_.

 

The sound Natasha makes, and the way she tightens around Maria’s fingers, is almost enough to pull Maria over the edge after her. Maria takes a shuddering breath as she gently licks along the bite mark she made and tries her best to rein in the heat surging through her veins. She isn't doing this for her own benefit, and she needs to calm the fuck down.

 

Natasha’s orgasm stretches, lasting longer than the ones that came before it, and her heels scrape along the hardwood as her back tries to twist into impossible shapes. She is barely breathing, and Maria forces herself to ignore the dread that settles along the curve of her spine.

 

The palm of Maria’s hand grazes Natasha’s clit and Natasha makes a strangled sound as a second orgasm slams into her before she is really done with the first. Maria presses her forehead against Natasha’s temple as Natasha’s fingernails bite into Maria’s skin even through her clothing.

 

“I've got you,” Maria whispers. her lips brush against the shell of Natasha’s ear and Natasha shudders violently. “I've got you, baby,” Maria repeats softly. “I'm right here.”

 

Natasha mumbles incoherently as she inhales, hands still clutching desperately at Maria’s back. Her entire body vibrates with the force of the orgasm that rushes over her, and Natasha’s fingers clench around the fabric of Maria’s shirt before her body goes limp in Maria’s arms.

 

There aren't words for the pure terror that consumes Maria with Natasha’s sudden collapse. “Natasha!” Maria exclaims, jerking back to examine Natasha’s face.

 

Natasha’s hands drop to the floor as Maria’s sudden movement dislodges her grip on Maria’s shirt and nausea rises, swift and sudden, in response to the lifeless way Natasha’s arms fall to either side of them. Maria presses fingers still slick with Natasha’s come against her throat with no memory of having moved them. Maria fumbles, fear making her fingers numb, and it takes her a minute to find Natasha’s pulse.

 

But she _does_ find it.

 

Dizzy with relief Maria presses her forehead to Natasha’s chest. She can feel the steady throb of Natasha’s heart, and Maria blinks back tears. For one mind numbingly terrifying moment Maria feared they had waited too long, that the strain had simply proved to be too much for Natasha’s body. Maria thought that Natasha had died, and for just a second Maria can hear Natasha's voice clear as a bell in her head.

 

( _Well_ , Natasha would say, smirking as she raked her eyes over Maria’s body, _there are certainly worse ways to go_.)

 

Maria presses her lips to the skin above Natasha’s heart, quietly thanking the uncaring Universe for sparing her. Maria isn’t someone who believes in any fate but the one she makes for herself. But, in that moment, high on relief, she sends out a silent thank you; just in case.

 

Pulling away Maria studies Natasha’s face for any signs of distress. Natasha’s heart is still beating too fast, but Maria thinks it has slowed down some. She needs to check Natasha’s vitals to be sure, but Maria is confident that the flush of Natasha’s skin isn’t as deep as it was before. Maria shifts Natasha so she can pull her arm out from under her, and she pulls Natasha’s robe closed and ties it shut. Maria carefully smooths drying curls off of Natasha’s face and resists the urge to kiss her.

 

This is going to be a problem, Maria realizes. And she mentally kicks herself for not realizing that yeah, of course this is where her mind was going to go afterwards. Maria feels gross, laying beside an unconscious Natasha and wishing she could kiss her. But Maria thinks it’s a feeling she can live with if she’s managed to save Natasha’s life.

 

Maria takes Natasha into her arms and carefully maneuvers until she’s standing with Natasha cradled against her chest. Natasha feels so small like this, deceptively delicate and fragile, and Maria cannot help the protective feeling that surges through her. Though Natasha certainly will never need Maria to fight any battles for her, Maria knows that she will do anything within her power to keep Natasha safe.

 

It takes three steps to reach the bed, and Maria lowers Natasha reverently. She pulls the sheet up around Natasha’s body and makes sure Natasha is covered before going to get the small machine she left near the corner. Maria reattaches the electrodes and the leads and holds her breath as she waits for the figures to load.

 

Within fourty seconds Maria has tangible proof that Natasha is doing better than she was. Though still dangerously elevated her heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature have all dropped. Natasha isn’t safe by any means, not with readings still this high, but Maria doesn’t need to worry that her heart is going to stop beating in the time it takes to go to the kitchen and come back.

 

Maria leaves the machine, still attached and actively monitoring Natasha’s vitals, on the bed next to her, and she turns to leave the bedroom. Maria’s first stop is the washroom where she relieves herself and washes her hands. Maria briefly contemplates cleaning up Natasha so she doesn’t have to wake with dried come on her body, but it feels too much like a line she shouldn’t cross. Instead she eyes the wet spot Natasha left on her thigh and Maria wonders if Natasha will mind loaning her a pair of sweatpants when she leaves.

 

Maria hesitates in the hallway for just a moment as she exits the washroom, listening intently for any sign of movement from the bedroom. She turns away and continues towards the kitchen only when she’s certain that Natasha hasn’t woken and that the monitor isn’t sounding an alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating at least once a week going forward. Though, keep in mind, I am easily bribed with feedback. Let me know what you think of the chapters and I'll happily continue to post updates more frequently <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You beautiful, beautiful people. Thank you for all of your comments. They really do mean the world to me.
> 
> The rest of this week is going to be a bit hectic, but you can probably expect another update Friday(ish) at the latest.  
> Enjoy!

It’s a bit of a surprise to find actual food in Natasha’s fridge, and Maria wonders who stocked it when Natasha wasn’t looking. She pulls out two bottles of water and is contemplating what she should cook when strong arms slide around her waist.

 

“I thought you left,” Natasha says softly, her voice hoarse.

 

Maria only just manages to keep from jumping out of her skin. Natasha usually makes noise intentionally as she walks around in an attempt to not scare the everloving fuck out of people when she appears seemingly out of nowhere. But her default setting is silent as a shadow, and Maria isn’t surprised that Natasha is too worn out to remember that she needs to generate sound as she moves through the apartment.

 

“Of course I didn't leave. I just thought you might need some food,” Maria says as she turns to look at Natasha. Natasha looks tired but content. And though her eyes are still glassy and feverish, they are clearer than they were when Maria first arrived.

 

Maria offers Natasha one of the bottles of water and Natasha accepts it eagerly. She drains the first bottle just as Maria expected she would, and Maria holds out the second one. They trade, Natasha taking the full one and Maria taking the empty one, and Natasha drinks half of the second bottle before she finally slows down.

 

“Thanks,” Natasha manages, and Maria smiles.

 

“Do you want something to eat?” Maria asks as she tosses the empty bottle into the recycling bin next to the fridge.

 

Natasha’s lips twitch into a smirk and she puts her water aside as her hungry eyes slide over Maria’s body. “Oh, yes,” Natasha murmurs, “I really, really do.”

 

Maria blushes, something she hasn’t done since she was eight, and she turns back to the fridge before Natasha has a chance to notice and tease her about it. “I meant actual food.”

 

“I know what you meant,” Natasha assures her as she presses herself against Maria’s back, and the timbre of her voice makes Maria shiver.

 

“You need to eat something, Natasha.” Maria tries to be firm. She tries to wrap Assistant Director Hill around her like a shield. But Natasha effortlessly shatters her with three simple words.

 

“I’m _trying_ to.”

 

Maria exhales slowly, and she covers Natasha’s hands with her own when she reaches around for Maria’s belt. “How are you feeling?” Maria asks, closing the fridge as she gives up and turns around again to focus on Natasha.

 

Natasha hums as she considers how to answer Maria’s question. “Less like my bones are melting, and more like someone accidentally left some acid in my bloodstream.” Maria’s mouth falls open and Natasha shrugs. “Alien sex drugs. Negative six out of ten, would not recommend.”

 

Maria tries to find comfort in the fact that Natasha feels well enough to joke about this instead of being annoyed that Natasha doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. “We should get you back to bed,” Maria suggests.

 

Natasha’s eyes light up. “Are you coming with me?”

 

“I would really rather cook you something.”

 

Natasha absently chews on her lip as she leans back against her kitchen island. When her fingers twitch ever so slightly in Maria’s direction Natasha grips the counter behind her tightly. “I appreciate that,” Natasha says carefully, “I really do. But this _hurts_. I’m not hungry, Maria. Not for food.”

 

Maria still hesitates and Natasha wilts.

 

Natasha drops her gaze, and her next words are spoken so softly that Maria almost misses them. “Don’t make me beg, Maria. Not again.”

 

The tone of Natasha’s voice and the defeated slump of her shoulders breaks Maria’s heart. The quiet suffering in Natasha’s moss green eyes makes Maria _ache_ , and she automatically moves towards her.

 

Maria steps forward and Natasha lifts her eyes as Maria lightly rests her hands on Natasha’s hips. Natasha watches her carefully for a moment, and Maria can see how hard she's still fighting to let this be Maria’s decision. Natasha’s words echo in Maria’s head and she cannot imagine how hard this must be for her.

 

( _Don’t make me beg._ )

 

Maria dips her head and kisses Natasha slowly. She kisses Natasha like they have all the time in the world; like this moment, this kiss, is the only thing that matters. Natasha whimpers, and Maria’s grip on her waist tightens at the sound. Natasha reaches for Maria’s belt once more and again Maria stops her. Natasha breaks their kiss with a frustrated huff, her eyes flashing, and Maria moves before Natasha can ask what the problem is.

 

It’s all too easy to boost Natasha up onto the counter, and Maria is kissing her again before Natasha can press the subject. Natasha wraps her legs around Maria’s waist, pulling her closer, and Maria can’t help but smile against Natasha’s lips.

 

Maria tugs at the belt of Natasha’s robe and skims her fingers down Natasha’s torso as it parts. Natasha is the one to break their kiss this time, pulling away with a groan as Maria palms her breast and rolls Natasha’s nipple between her fingers. “Here?” Natasha questions even as she tightens her grip on Maria.

 

Maria hums as she kisses the corner of Natasha’s mouth. “What’s wrong with here?”

 

“I cook things in here.”

 

Maria laughs and pauses long enough to give Natasha an incredulous look. “You have never once cooked in here.”

 

Natasha scoffs breathlessly as she arches her back to press into Maria’s hands, a silent plea for her to not forget what she was doing. “You don’t know that.”

 

“You don’t cook,” Maria points out as she returns her attention to Natasha’s body. Maria bends to nibble at Natasha’s collarbone and it takes a moment for Natasha to respond.

 

“Pancakes,” Natasha says eventually.

 

“You cook them at Clint’s,” Maria murmurs against Natasha’s skin, “so you don’t have to do the cleanup.”

 

“But..”

 

Maria pulls away from Natasha with a frustrated groan. “Does this actually bother you?”

 

“Maybe a little,” Natasha admits.

 

Maria thinks it must bother her a lot if it’s something she has the strength to worry about when she’s this desperate for Maria to keep touching her. “Bedroom?” Maria offers.

 

Natasha shakes her head as she reaches for Maria, unable to stand the distance between them for more than a handful of seconds. “Too far.”

 

“Livingroom?” Maria tries, and Natasha shakes her head again. “The hallway?”

 

“I don’t actually want to move,” Natasha admits as she shifts against Maria impatiently.

 

Maria could scream in that moment. “Then why are we talking about this?”

 

“Because. It’s the _kitchen_ , Maria. This is where the food happens.”

 

“But you don’t..” Maria decides not to bother trying to point out for a second time that Natasha doesn’t actually _do_ anything in her kitchen that could even remotely be considered cooking. “I’ll disinfect everything,” she promises instead. She doesn’t like the way Natasha’s eyes aren’t focusing and this debate is literally going nowhere.

 

Natasha goes still, and Maria frowns. “Natasha?”

 

Natasha reaches for Maria’s hand and moves it down her body. “I need you. Right now. That is.. the _sexiest_ fucking thing..” Natasha trails off with a moan as Maria’s fingers brush against her sex.

 

“Disinfecting counters?” Maria asks, unable to hide her confusion. But Natasha only whines and lifts her hips, and Maria realizes they’ve moved past the point where Natasha is able to answer her.

 

Maria lets Natasha guide her hand and her knees weaken when she feels how wet Natasha is. Again. And once more Maria finds herself wondering how the fuck Natasha is able to speak so coherently when she’s **this** turned on. “You’re amazing,” Maria murmurs absently, because holy fuck she would be humping people’s legs if she was that desperate.

 

Natasha wraps her arms around Maria’s neck and leans against her. She makes the sweetest sighing gasp when Maria finally enters her with two fingers, and Maria thinks she would happily listen to that sound for the rest of her life. Natasha’s legs tighten around Maria’s waist, holding them together tightly, and Maria presses a light kiss to Natasha’s temple.

 

Aware of how sensitive Natasha might be at this point, and how thin the line can be between pleasure and pain, Maria goes slowly this time. She rocks into Natasha, curling her fingers just so as she does. Maria pulls quiet gasps and soft moans from Natasha, and when Maria bends to kiss the spot behind her ear Natasha jerks against her.

 

Maria hums with interest as she kisses the same spot again. Natasha clenches around her fingers and Maria chuckles quietly. “Sensitive spot?” She asks quietly. She doesn’t expect, or even really need a response. She can tell by the way Natasha’s breath hitches when Maria flicks her tongue against Natasha’s skin that the answer is a resounding yes.

 

Natasha’s head falls to the side, the invitation obvious as she gives Maria better access to that spot. Maria doesn’t need to be told twice; she closes her lips around the sensitive skin behind Natasha’s ear and sucks. Natasha cries out, and Maria rocks into her a bit harder in response.

 

“You feel so good, Natasha,” Maria breathes, and she doesn’t miss the way Natasha responds to her words. “Do you like it when I talk to you?” Maria asks. Natasha’s hips rise to meet her as Maria rocks forward, a potential _yes_ , but Maria isn’t willing to risk guessing wrong on this.

 

“I need you to actually answer me, baby.” Maria’s words are soft, but also insistent. “Do you want me to talk to you? Tell you how amazing you feel?”

 

Natasha whimpers. And, though it takes a minute for her to find her voice, Natasha does eventually find the strength to respond. <<Yes,>> she gasps, <<tell me.>>

 

Maria groans. Her hips jerk forward at Natasha’s words, adding a bit more force to her gentle thrust, and Natasha whimpers.

 

“That,” Maria murmurs, “drives me crazy.” She nuzzles Natasha’s ear, lightly biting at her earlobe before she continues speaking. “I love how you respond to me. The sounds you make-” Natasha trembles, making Maria smile. “-and the way you move.”

 

Natasha shifts against her more urgently, and Maria responds in kind. “Are you going to come for me, sweetheart?” Maria’s voice is almost a purr, and Natasha whines softly. Maria takes a ragged breath, licking her lips as her mouth goes dry. “You are so fucking _beautiful_ when you come, Natasha.”

 

Maria tucks her other hand under Natasha’s robe so she can run her fingers across the skin of Natasha’s back, and Natasha moans and tightens around Maria’s fingers when Maria drags her nails down Natasha’s spine. “Come for me,” Maria coaxes softly.

 

<<So close,>> Natasha whimpers. <<Masha..>>

 

“I’m right here,” Maria assures her. She rubs her hand down Natasha’s back and dips her head to press a kiss to the column of Natasha’s throat. “I’m right here Nat. I’ve got you, baby.”

 

Natasha whimpers again as her breathing becomes a stuttering symphony of need.

 

“That’s it,” Maria whispers. “I’ve got you. Come for me, Natasha.”

 

And Natasha does. She comes hard enough to see stars, and Maria’s words don’t stop. Maria keeps up a soothing string of reassurances and affection while she waits for Natasha to come back to her. Maria punctuates each of her sentences with a gentle kiss to the skin she can reach, and she listens for the change in Natasha’s breathing.

 

Natasha hums as she becomes aware of her surroundings once more. “Fuck,” she exhales softly.

 

Maria smiles and kisses Natasha’s temple. “Yeah,” she agrees just as softly.

 

Natasha relaxes her legs, easing up on the grip she has on Maria’s waist so the brunette can remove her fingers, and Maria’s hand glistens in the late afternoon light. Maria glances around the room, trying to decide if she needs to move away from Natasha to find something to dry her hand with or if there is something within reach. She doesn’t pay any attention to Natasha as she grips Maria’s palm, too distracted by the knowledge that she is going to have to let Natasha go to reach the paper towels.

 

Maria doesn’t notice when Natasha parts her lips, and she is not at all prepared for the wet heat of Natasha’s mouth wrapped around her index finger. “Oh,” Maria gasps weakly as words completely fail her.

 

Natasha cleans Maria’s finger slowly, and when Maria finally tears her eyes away from where her finger disappears between Natasha’s lips, when she manages to look away, she finds Natasha watching her intently. The look in Natasha’s eyes is worse than the sight of Natasha sucking her finger clean, and Maria momentarily forgets how her lungs work.

 

Natasha drags her mouth up Maria’s finger, and she releases the digit with a wet pop that makes Maria weak in the knees. “Breathe, Любимая,” Natasha says quietly.

 

Maria inhales with a broken gasp and Natasha gives her that same dangerous, predatory smile. Natasha holds Maria’s gaze with eyes that burn as she closes her lips around Maria’s middle finger, and Maria is the one to whimper helplessly this time as Natasha carefully licks herself from Maria’s hand. Natasha presses a kiss to Maria’s palm when she’s done and Maria swallows loudly.

 

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Natasha says.

 

Maria blinks, startled by Natasha’s words. “I.. what?” Her gaze drops to Natasha’s lips.

 

Natasha’s laugh is the most beautiful sound Maria has ever heard. “Come here,” Natasha murmurs as she leans forward.

 

Maria meets Natasha halfway. She eagerly licks into Natasha’s mouth, chasing the taste of her, and Maria moans when Natasha’s tongue strokes along hers. By the time they finally pull apart both women struggle to catch their breath.

 

As she stands there with her forehead pressed against Natasha’s, dizzy with the strength of the desire singing through her veins, Maria can’t help but wonder if the pheromones are contagious.

 

(Maria hopes that they are. Because if they aren’t, if this is simply her reaction to _Natasha_ , then Maria doesn’t think she’ll survive the moment when she’s expected to revert back to their complicated friendship.

 

She’s still trying to believe there is an existence after this that includes Natasha, that there will be a way for her to put this day behind her; that they will be able continue on the way they have been for years. Maria isn’t ready to accept that this is going to change everything between them for the rest of their lives; she isn’t there yet.

 

But it’s getting harder and harder for her to ignore.)

 

“Take me to bed, Masha,” Natasha says quietly, pulling Maria’s focus away from her silent contemplations.

 

Maria kisses her again, and tries not to think about how much she’s enjoying this. “Hold on,” Maria murmurs into their kiss.

 

Natasha’s legs tighten around Maria’s waist, and Maria waits for Natasha’s arms to lock around her neck before she steps away from the counter. Maria curls her hands around Natasha’s thighs, supporting her as best she can, as she moves them towards the bedroom.

 

They bump against the wall when Maria misjudges where the doorway to the kitchen is, and Natasha breaks their kiss with a laugh. “Eyes on the road,” Natasha teases.

 

Maria sighs, but she listens.

 

They make it halfway across the apartment before Natasha gets bored and begins to explore Maria’s neck with her lips. Maria groans as Natasha sucks a bruise into existence, and when Natasha bites at her throat Maria almost drops her.

 

“If you don't stop that we aren't going to make it to the bed,” Maria warns.

 

Natasha smirks against Maria’s skin. “Promise?”

 

Maria knows that the bed isn't a million miles away. And she knows, logically, that it doesn't take hours to reach it. But Natasha takes Maria’s warning as a challenge, and as Natasha bites and licks and sucks her way across the skin that she can reach Maria wonders if Natasha’s apartment has always been this _big_. She stumbles into the bedroom with a feeling that is mostly relief, but a little regret, too.

 

Maria drops Natasha onto the bed. “You little demon,” she breathes.

 

“Mmm,” Natasha hums, “thank you.”

 

“It wasn't a compliment.”

 

Natasha rolls her hips and twists her legs, still wrapped tightly around Maria’s waist, and Maria falls forward. “Are you sure?” Natasha asks as Maria just barely catches herself with a hand on either side of Natasha’s body.

 

“You're impossible,” Maria murmurs as she leans down and mouths along Natasha’s jaw.

 

“Thank you,” Natasha responds, pleased with herself, and Maria laughs helplessly.

 

“What am I going to do with you?” Maria wonders to herself.

 

It's a rhetorical question. But, of course, Natasha answers it anyway. “I have a few ideas.” Her words are getting fuzzy around the edges and she moans deeply when Maria grinds against her.

 

Maria exhales against Natasha’s ear and smiles at the way it makes her squirm. “I bet you do,” Maria whispers, and Natasha barely manages to swallow the moan that rises in response to Maria’s words.

 

Maria tries to pull away, but Natasha’s grip around her waist stops her. Maria runs her hand up Natasha’s leg, caressing the soft skin with her fingers. “I need you to let me go, sweetheart.”

 

Natasha watches Maria with dark eyes. “Never.”

 

Maria knows it's just the pheromones. She _knows_ that. But she can't help the way her heart stutters in her chest. Maria has never wanted anything the way she wants that one simple word to be true, and she desperately wishes the fierce promise in Natasha’s voice was real.

 

(That is the moment when Maria realizes that she isn’t going to survive this.)

 

Something must show on her face because Natasha’s expression shifts. She relaxes her hold and lets Maria move off of the bed without another word.

 

“We didn't bring any water back with us,” Maria says as she stands, and Natasha blinks at her. “I'm going to go grab some; I'll be right back.”

 

Natasha’s hands clench against the sheets, but she doesn't argue. She nods once, and Maria can’t even imagine how hard it is for Natasha not to beg her to stay.

 

“I'll be right back,” Maria says again, and she turns away from the quiet suffering in Natasha’s eyes.

 

Maria doesn't run from the room, but it's a damn near thing. She flinches at the helpless groan of frustration that Natasha can't hold back. Maria wants to turn around, to stop the pain that generated such a sound, but she doesn't. She can't. Maria needs a minute to just breathe.

 

Natasha’s half full bottle of water is still sitting on the counter where she left it, and Maria grabs it. She drains the rest of the water and puts the empty bottle into the recycling bin where it belongs, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself once she’s done that.

 

Maria needs to remember that this isn’t real, that this isn’t Natasha. And she needs to remember that this has _nothing_ to do with her. This isn’t about what Maria wants or wishes or longs for; this is about keeping Natasha alive. Period. Full stop. Maria groans as she leans over the counter, dropping her head into her hands. This isn’t going to be something she comes back from. Maria doesn’t know how she will be able to go back to pretending she doesn’t love Natasha with all that she has.

 

Self loathing surges through Maria so suddenly that it takes her breath away. Natasha has been drugged and she has absolutely zero control over the way her body is screaming to be touched. The pheromones could literally _kill her_ , and Maria is hiding in the kitchen; pouting because she has to fuck the woman that she loves.

 

Maria cannot remember a time before she loved Natasha. She knows it existed, that she wasn’t born loving the Black Widow, but Maria can’t remember what it is to not feel this way. And she absently wonders if it would be easier or harder to do this if they really were just the friends they pretend to be.

 

There isn’t any part of this that Maria doesn’t hate. She hates the agony in Natasha’s eyes when she’s trying not to beg Maria to fuck her, and Maria hates the desperate sounds Natasha makes when Maria finally does. She hates that they have been forced into this situation; that neither of them have the option of saying no.

 

Because Maria can’t walk away from this, either.

 

Not really.

 

Natasha wasn’t wrong; the list of people who would be eager for a chance to fuck her is not a short one. But the thought of making Natasha go through that, of someone treating her like a thing instead of the precious and gorgeous soul that she is, makes Maria want to murder something. No. Maria is just as trapped as Natasha is.

 

Maria sighs. She rolls her shoulders as she stands and tries to shake the tension out of her body. Maria wanders over to the fridge and grabs the two bottles of water she claimed to need in the first place, and she leans her head against the fridge for just a moment after it swings shut.

 

Later, when Natasha is out of the woods, when this becomes just a memory, just something that happened to them once, Maria will have all the time in the world to crucify herself for this. But right now, in this moment, Natasha needs her. And that is the only thing that matters.

 

Maria will berate herself for this once Natasha is safe and healthy and fine. Maria will sit down and she will face the truth about the kind of person that she is after this passes. Because the thing Maria hates the most, the part she is having the most trouble with, is that she doesn’t really hate having to do this.

 

And what does that say about her; that Maria can enjoy this when there isn’t any possible way for Natasha to truly consent to what they’re doing? How can Maria be so turned on when Natasha is in so much pain? What does that make her?

 

There are brief moments, when Natasha’s breath stutters, when her body sings, that Maria feels absolutely blissful. Moments so perfect that Maria aches with how _right_ they feel together. And how does Maria live with that? The woman she claims to love more than anything else in creation is suffering, is in danger of dying, and Maria is cherishing the way Natasha holds her name in her mouth.

 

Each Masha, every whispered Любимая, the ragged way she says _Maria_ ; it all makes her head spin. It gives her butterflies, it makes it hard to breathe, and Maria doesn’t know how to handle knowing this about herself. She doesn’t know how to accept that she is this person.

 

Maria exhales tiredly. _That_ , she tells herself, _is tomorrow’s problem_. Right now Natasha needs her, and Maria doesn’t have time to wallow in her self loathing. Maria doesn’t know how she will ever be able to apologize to Natasha for this, but she cannot afford to worry about that in this moment. Maria has to push this feeling aside or she isn’t going to be able take care of her.

 

There isn’t anything Maria wouldn’t do for Natasha. She has always known she would happily walk into Hell if it meant keeping Natasha safe. Maria just never thought the Universe would take her literally.

 

Maria didn’t expect she would ever need to prove she meant it, and do exactly that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this fic continues to take my breath away. Thank you. I've decided that we're going to have bi-weekly updates for now, until I finish writing this damned thing (I'm working on the last handful of chapters at this point). Posting four chapters in one week took up a lot more of my time than I thought it would and it's cut into the time I would usually spend writing. But once I get this thing finished I'll go back to updating on a ridiculously accelerated schedule.
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy this chapter full of angst and smut, and look for another update by Tuesday :)

Maria isn’t sure what she expected to find when she returned to the bedroom, but she doesn’t think it was this. She stops just a few steps into the room, and the water bottles crinkle as her grip tightens around them.

 

Natasha has ditched the robe; it looks like she actually flung it across the room. But that isn’t what turns words into a thing Maria doesn’t remember how to use. Natasha is stretched across the bed, massaging her breast with one hand while the other moves furiously between her legs. The sound of the water bottles being squeezed draws Natasha’s attention, and it’s the pure suffering Maria finds in those gorgeous moss green eyes that gives her the presence of mind to step forward.

 

Maria drops the bottles of water on the nightstand and reaches for Natasha. Her skin is on fire, and Natasha moans when Maria’s cool hand cups the side of her face. “I’m so sorry,” Maria whispers. Natasha is worse. **Much** worse. She has almost reverted back to the condition Maria first found her in, and Maria nearly drowns in the wave of self hatred that crashes through her for leaving when Natasha needed her.

 

“I’m here, baby,” Maria murmurs as she leans in to kiss her. Natasha reaches for her with one of her hands, but the other remains between her legs.

 

Maria thinks of the chicken pox, and how scratching at the pox only makes the itching worse. She thinks of how you scratch and scratch and scratch until it becomes something unbearable; something you don’t think you will live through. And, though she has no way to confirm it, Maria strongly suspects that is what’s happening to Natasha.

 

“I’m here,” Maria repeats, and bends to kiss her again. Maria reaches down and covers Natasha’s hand with her own, stilling her desperate movements. “I’ve got you,” Maria promises when Natasha whines in protest.

 

Maria twines their fingers together and pulls Natasha’s hand up the bed. When she lets it go both of Natasha’s hands immediately move to the buttons of Maria’s shirt. Maria doesn’t stop Natasha from trying to undress her this time. But she doesn’t make it easy for her to do, either. Maria moves to suck at the base of Natasha’s throat, and Natasha’s fingers fumble. She grips Maria’s shirt tightly in her hands, and her back arches as Maria teases the new bruise with her tongue.

 

“Fu- _ck_ ,” Natasha manages as Maria drags her teeth along the sensitive area.

 

Maria hums against Natasha’s skin as she straddles her, and Natasha’s hands immediately fall to Maria’s hips. Natasha’s fingers slip under Maria’s shirt and when she drags her nails across Maria’s skin Maria can’t help the way her pelvis rocks forward. The low moan that the movement drags from Natasha does _not_ help.

 

Maria growls quietly. She dips her head to latch onto the patch of skin directly over Natasha’s pulse point, and Natasha’s grip tightens as Maria begins to suck. Maria alternates with her lips and her teeth and her tongue, but she doesn’t move away from that one spot. Natasha writhes beneath her, and when Maria moans against her skin Natasha’s hips buck violently. Maria isn’t sure when Natasha’s hands moved to her head, but she notices when Natasha grips her hair tightly. Maria notices the way Natasha holds her against her neck, the firm grip making it impossible for Maria to move away, and Maria smiles. That suits her just fine.

 

Maria rolls her hips, grinding into Natasha as she pushes her closer and closer to the edge. Maria can _feel_ how close Natasha is. But though she continues to teeter, Natasha does not fall. There isn’t an easy way for Maria to reach the other parts of Natasha’s body that might help this along, not with the way Natasha is holding her so tightly in place. Each small sound of frustration that escapes Natasha’s lips makes Maria feel like she’s failing her, and that is simply not an option.

 

Maria bites down hard, remembering the way Natasha reacted to it earlier, and she isn’t disappointed. Natasha’s hips jerk so sharply when she comes that she almost throws Maria off of her. Maria hums in satisfaction and presses a lingering kiss to the skin she ravished. She pulls back so she can look at Natasha’s face as she recovers, and Maria shivers as Natasha’s fingernails scratch against her scalp before Natasha relinquishes her hold.

 

The flush is a little bit better, and some of the wild desperation has faded from Natasha’s eyes. Maria presses a lingering kiss to Natasha’s forehead and tries to judge her fever. “Better?” Maria asks quietly.

 

Natasha hums. <<A little.>>

 

With Natasha still speaking Russian, something Maria has noticed that she does when she is too far gone to pay attention to which language falls from her lips, Maria doesn’t quite trust that assessment. But, before she can press the issue, before she can force Natasha to drink more water or check her vitals, Natasha’s hands move back to the buttons on Maria’s shirt.

 

Maria covers Natasha’s hands with her own before she can undo more than the top button, and Maria pulls Natasha’s hands away from her. There is a look in Natasha’s eyes that Maria doesn’t like; she doesn’t want to talk about this and Natasha is about to start pushing. Maria leans forward to kiss her, hoping to distract Natasha one more time, but Natasha is done being distracted.

 

Natasha turns her head, and Maria’s lips connect with her cheek. “Why won’t you let me touch you?” Natasha asks.

 

Maria absently notes that Natasha has switched back to English. She wonders if that’s a good sign as she tries to decide how to respond in a way that won’t get her yelled at. “This.. isn’t about me,” Maria answers carefully.

 

Natasha watches her for a moment before exhaling slowly. “I can’t even describe how hard it is to talk to you about this normally, like my blood isn’t screaming for me to just _take_ you.” Something flashes in Natasha’s eyes, something feral and hungry that takes Maria’s breath away. “I just need you to be honest with me right now, alright?”

 

Maria nods.

 

“Are you doing this because you think you have to?” Natasha asks bluntly.

 

“No,” Maria answers, though it takes her a minute.

 

“Is it that you don’t want me to touch you?”

 

It takes longer for Maria to answer this time. “...No.”

 

Natasha groans. “Then what, Maria? Why are you still wearing so many fucking clothes?”

 

“You know why!” Maria snaps, frustrated with Natasha’s refusal to let this go. Maria moves to get up, but Natasha’s hands land back on her hips and hold her in place.

 

“All I know right now,” Natasha tells her, “is how badly I need you. That’s literally it. I need to feel you and taste you and.. _fuck._ ” Natasha groans deeply. Her eyes close as she takes a deep breath, and it’s a few seconds before she can continue speaking. “If it’s not because it’s something you don’t want, why can’t I have you?”

 

Maria has never once heard Natasha sound so small, and she never wants to hear it again. Maria doesn’t want to admit how badly she wants Natasha’s hands on her body. She doesn’t want to admit how much she wants _this_.

 

(Because what does that make her?)

 

Maria traces the curve of Natasha’s lips with her eyes and she pushes tomorrow’s problems out of her mind. There will be absolutely no coming back from this if she lets Natasha have her. But, realistically, it’s already too late to worry about that. It was too late the moment Maria kissed her and found out that Natasha’s lips were even softer than they looked. It was too late the second Maria laid eyes on Natasha, so broken and desperate, and realized that she had the power to fix it.

 

Their friendship, complicated as it is, won’t survive this. But that is a problem for tomorrow, too. In this moment Maria has more important things to focus on.

 

“You do have me,” Maria admits softly. “I’ve always been yours, Natasha.” It’s a secret that Maria has been keeping for longer than she cares to think about, and she feels strangely naked now without it. Maria reaches out with trembling fingers and traces her finger tips across Natasha’s lips; the same path her eyes followed. “I have _always_ been yours,” Maria repeats, and she hates the way that her voice shakes.

 

Natasha’s eyes blink open. She looks at Maria with surprise, with reverence, with something that Maria can’t quite name. It only takes a roll of Natasha’s hips to flip them, and Maria is on her back beneath Natasha before she can so much as gasp.

 

“You’re sure?” Natasha asks quietly.

 

Maria can hear how much it hurts Natasha to hold herself back, to make sure that this is a thing Maria wants beyond a shadow of a doubt, and Maria loves her even more for that. Maria wants to say that Natasha is the only thing she has always been sure of. She wants to tell Natasha that she could never regret this. That she has only been denying her because Maria isn’t going to survive this. That tomorrow, when Natasha looks at her and there is no hint of the love and devotion that Maria can see in her eyes at this moment, it will kill her. There are so many things that Maria wants Natasha to know.

 

But Maria cups Natasha’s face and brushes her thumb along Natasha’s cheekbone, and all she says is “I’m sure.”

 

Natasha leans into Maria’s touch, and her eyes close as she shudders violently. When Natasha opens her eyes again the hunger in them takes Maria’s breath away, and she understands. Maria understands exactly how much willpower Natasha has, and how much she has been holding back. Natasha lowers her head slowly and she hovers with her lips barely brushing against Maria’s ear.

 

“I am going to make you feel so good, Maria,” Natasha promises. Her voice is smooth as silk and Maria bites back a gasp. “I am going to fuck you senseless, Любимая.”

 

Maria wants to say something witty and flippant. She wants to say something brilliantly flirty, as though she were completely unaffected by the way Natasha murmurs into her ear. But the best she can do is not whimper desperately. And, really, with the way Natasha’s words seem to spread across Maria’s body like wildfire, Maria decides to just count that as a win.

 

“Are you attached to this shirt?” Natasha asks, and Maria blinks at the apparent jump in topic.

 

“Not.. really?”

 

Maria realizes why Natasha asked a fraction of a second before it happens as her brain finally decides to rejoin the conversation. And, thankfully, she really isn’t overly attached to her shirt. Because there is absolutely no time for her to change her answer.

 

Natasha rips Maria’s shirt open like it’s nothing, and Maria cannot believe how sexy it is to have her clothing destroyed like that. The fact that at least one of the buttons pings off of Natasha’s forehead is just a really wonderful bonus.

 

“I do like this bra, though,” Maria warns as Natasha leans in to kiss along the swell of Maria’s cleavage.

 

“Noted,” Natasha mumbles absently, more focused on the feel of Maria’s skin beneath her lips and fingers than the fact that she isn’t allowed to rip anything else.

 

Natasha touches Maria carefully, with trembling hands and a surprising hesitancy, and Maria watches her closely. There is something flickering in the deep green of Natasha’s eyes that she doesn’t like. Maria pushes up to lean on her elbows so she can look at Natasha more evenly, and Natasha turns away from the curves of Maria’s body to meet her gaze.

 

“You aren’t going to hurt me,” Maria tells her, and Natasha almost flinches at how easily Maria can tell what’s bothering her.

 

“It _burns_ , Maria,” Natasha murmurs, her hungry eyes dropping back to trace the lines of Maria’s torso. “I don’t..” She shakes her head uselessly, unable to articulate the fear gnawing at her insides, but Maria understands.

 

“I’m not made of glass, and you aren’t going to hurt me,” Maria repeats more firmly. “I’m not exactly helpless.”

 

Natasha chews on her lip as she glances back to those piercing sapphire eyes, unsure if she can trust Maria’s faith in her.

 

“If I can’t take you when you’re this out of it then I need to find a new job.” Maria arches an eyebrow at her. “And if you ripped my shirt for nothing, Romanoff, I’m going to be _so_ pissed.”

 

Natasha’s eyes widen. She opens her mouth to defend herself, but Maria knows what she’s going to say and she cuts Natasha off before she can speak. “I said I wasn’t in love with it, but it was still a nice shirt. It was a comfortable shirt. I looked _good_ in that shirt.”

 

Natasha smirks as she settles along Maria’s side with the fluid grace that Maria finds so hypnotic. <<You look better without it.>>

 

“Will you please just shut up and–”

 

Natasha kisses her and whatever else Maria was going to say is lost to the press of her lips. Natasha kisses Maria like it’s something she was born to do, and Maria isn’t able to hold back the whimpering moan that Natasha pulls out of her. It’s different when Natasha is the aggressor; when Maria is the one being taken. Natasha kisses Maria as if she means to consume her, and Maria forgets that there was ever a world beyond the heat of Natasha’s lips.

 

Natasha kisses her way past Maria’s jaw, and begins to move down Maria’s neck. Her kisses are more teeth than anything else, and Maria cannot help but wonder how much of this is Natasha and how much is the pheromones. Is this how Natasha fucks? Would Natasha scrape her nails along the muscles of Maria’s abdomen like this at any other time? Or would she move differently, _feel_ differently.

 

The sharp sting of Natasha biting into the skin of her throat makes Maria gasp, and pulls her away from her spiraling thoughts.

 

“You're thinking too much,” Natasha murmurs. <<Stay with me.>> Her words are a quiet growl, and Maria shivers.

 

“Always,” Maria promises. It falls from her lips automatically, and that one simple word feels truer than anything else Maria has ever managed to say.

 

Natasha hesitates, her movements stalling, and Maria wonders if Natasha senses it; the way those two syllables vibrate with everything Maria cannot bring herself to give voice to. Maria feels more than she hears the way Natasha exhales, a shuddering breath that seems to come from the very pit of her being.

 

“Любимая,” Natasha whispers. She murmurs it against Maria’s skin with a reverence that makes Maria ache, and Maria cannot bear the weight of the unspoken vow that just passed between them with those two brief words.

 

Because it is a lie. Because this _isn't real_. This isn't Natasha. Not really. And Maria cannot afford to forget that for even a second.

 

Desperate to pull them out of this moment, Maria reaches down between their bodies and slides her fingers through the slick heat between Natasha’s thighs. At this point Maria isn't surprised by the oasis of need that she finds, but, god, it still takes her breath away.

 

Natasha makes a sound somewhere between a cry and a gasp as Maria lightly pinches her clit, and she bites at the underside of Maria’s jaw in retaliation.

 

<<Cheater,>> Natasha accuses breathlessly.

 

Maria slowly circles her entrance and hums in quiet agreement. Natasha’s nails dig into Maria’s side as Maria dips two fingers inside of her, and when Maria stills her fingers Natasha’s nails almost press into her hard enough to draw blood.

 

“Sorry,” Maria says with feigned innocence. “Did you want me to stop?”

 

Natasha growls dangerously, already pushed past the point of being able to form words, and she moves faster than she has any right to. She straddles Maria with impressively smooth movements, and begins to fuck herself on Maria’s fingers.

 

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Maria whimpers helplessly.

 

Natasha undulates on Maria’s fingers, head tilted back in bliss as she chases her pleasure, and it's the most erotic thing Maria has ever seen. She lays there for a minute, completely mesmerized by the sight before her. Maria loses herself in the way Natasha rolls her hips and the crescendo of her moans, and for just a minute Maria is paralyzed by the sight of Natasha riding her so enthusiastically.

 

But only for a minute.

 

Maria pulls herself into a sitting position, wrapping her arm around Natasha’s waist to brace Natasha against her body. And Natasha is quickly reminded that she isn’t the only one of them who knows how to flip someone effortlessly.

 

Maria rolls them, and Natasha gasps as Maria puts her full weight behind the thrust of her fingers. Maria uses her thumb to trace sloppy circles along Natasha’s clit as she fucks her, relishing the way it makes the pitch of Natasha’s moans go up another octave, and when Maria crooks her fingers Natasha comes with a broken sob.

 

Maria holds Natasha close, pressing kisses along her cheeks and over her eyes as Natasha tries to catch her breath. Natasha whimpers when Maria carefully removes her fingers, and she does not stop trembling even after her breathing has mostly returned to what is passing for her normal at the moment.

 

Natasha presses her face into Maria’s neck with a shuddering sigh, and Maria shifts their position one last time. She moves onto her side, pulling Natasha against her chest as she does. Maria tugs the sheet up around them and Natasha burrows deeper into her arms until they are curled together in a cocoon of warmth.

 

“I’ve got you, Nat,” Maria promises softly as she runs her fingers through Natasha’s hair. “I’m right here.” Natasha presses her lips against Maria’s clavicle in response, and Maria’s grip on her tightens even further.

 

Honestly, Maria is just surprised it took this long for her to become so over stimulated. Natasha is crashing hard, and as much as she may say she isn’t hungry for food they really need to start replacing some of the calories they're burning. Natasha makes a quiet sound of distress and Maria trails her fingers across the expanse of Natasha’s back in nonsensical patterns.

 

Natasha’s skin still feels too hot; her heart is still tapping along twice as fast as it should be. Worry curls in the pit of Maria’s stomach as she glances out of Natasha’s bedroom window. The sun is beginning to set. Maria has been here for more than five hours, and the phone Rana gave her is still silent as the grave. Maria continues to stroke Natasha’s back and she listens as Natasha’s breathing begins to slow. Maria needs information; she needs to know why Natasha keeps backsliding. She needs to know how Natasha can seem to be so completely herself one moment, and yet so overwhelmed by lust the next that she is in physical pain.

 

Maria waits until Natasha has fallen asleep in her arms, and then she waits a little longer to be safe before she carefully untangles their limbs and slips out of bed. Maria tucks the sheet around Natasha’s shoulders and smooths her hair away from her face. Natasha looks so small in that moment; so impossibly vulnerable. Maria once again feels a surge of protectiveness for the woman lying before her, and she knows she would do anything, give _anything_ , if it meant keeping Natasha safe from harm.

 

Maria bends to brush her lips against Natasha’s forehead, silently vowing that nothing will ever harm her so long as Maria breathes. Maria lingers with her lips pressed against Natasha’s skin, and when Maria finally pulls away she’s surprised by the tears in her eyes.

 

She hesitates in the doorway. Maria doesn’t want to leave Natasha alone, but they need answers. And, perhaps more importantly, Natasha is well past the point of needing something to eat. Maria cannot solve either of those problems without leaving the room, she knows that. But still she hesitates.

 

Maria glances back to the bed, confirming what she already knows. Natasha has not moved. She is still fast asleep exactly where Maria left her. Maria stands there watching Natasha for longer than she should, and what finally gets her moving is the knowledge that she has no way of knowing long Natasha will sleep for. Maria forces her feet to carry her into the hallway and towards the kitchen where she left the cell phone. She needs answers, and Maria can only hope Rana has had enough time to find some for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank tumblr anons for the early posting. Expect another chapter sometime around Thursday <3

“I was wondering when you’d call.” Rana picks up on the second ring. “How is she doing?”

 

Maria frowns as she opens the fridge. “How’d you know I found her?”

 

“It’s been almost six hours. If you hadn’t found her you would have called in _much_ sooner.”

 

“Alright. Good point.” Maria pulls out a bottle of water and drains three quarters of it before she comes up for air. “She’s.. I don’t know, Rana, it’s really hard to say how she’s doing from one moment to the next. One minute she seems fine, like it's almost out of her system, and the next she's worse than she was when I found her.”

 

Maria’s vision blurs as tears once again fill her eyes. Maria can't help but feel like she’s failing the woman she loves, like Natasha is going to die after all, and it isn't a feeling she can stand.

 

“Please tell me you have something.” Maria hates the way her voice breaks, but it's all she can do to keep from sobbing in that moment.

 

Rana makes a quiet sound of concern. “You sound exhausted, Maria. Have you gotten any rest at all? Have you two eaten?”

 

Maria exhales as she rubs at her eyes. “Natasha is sleeping now, but I don't feel like it's going to last long.”

 

“No,” Rana agrees, “unfortunately it probably won’t. If she manages to stay asleep for an hour I’d be surprised. Tony has only managed a fourty minute nap. You should really try and get some rest while she’s sleeping.”

 

“I need to make something for her to eat. I’ll be alright.”

 

“Maria. I understand that you’re worried about her; so am I. But if you’re managing her condition the way that I _assume_ you’re managing her condition then you’re going to need the exact same things she does. You need to rest when you can, stay hydrated, and make sure you’re eating enough to support the energy you’re burning. You’re no good to her if you collapse.”

 

“I once spent a week being tortured by Hydra, Rana. I think my body can handle this.”

 

“Fine.” Rana sighs. “Thor has gone back to Asgard to see what he can find out about the alien that sprayed her. He said they resemble a species his father described to him once, so hopefully the Asgardians will be able to tell us what we’re dealing with.”

 

“Hopefully,” Maria echoes.

 

“We’ve also been monitoring Tony as closely as we can, and it looks like the pheromone levels are in constant flux. The only thing we know for certain at this point is that he always gets overwhelmed by them if Pepper leaves his side for too long.”

 

Maria, who had been pulling food out of the fridge while she listened to Rana talk, freezes. “What do you mean ‘too long’? How long is too long?”

 

“Anything longer than ten minutes and Tony’s pheromone levels begin to spike. His levels still jump unpredictably when she’s with him, we haven’t been able to figure out exactly what’s causing it yet. But every single time Pepper leaves he deteriorates.”

 

Maria wants to throw the carton of eggs in her hand against the wall. “So when I leave her alone she’s absolutely going to lose her mind, and if I stay with her she’s still probably going to lose her mind anyway? Rana, that’s not helpful!”

 

“I’m sorry, Maria, I wish I had more to tell you. We’re doing the best we can, but it’s like nothing we’ve ever seen before. Tony’s levels _are_ dropping steadily over time. It’s happening much slower than we would like, but the pheromone spikes are already less frequent and less intense than they were six hours ago.”

 

“I wish I could say the same,” Maria mutters.

 

“That’s probably because Natasha’s exposure was so much greater than Tony’s. But, without seeing her, I can’t say for certain. You need to bring her back in,” Rana insists. “We can keep a closer eye on her here, and track her pheromone saturation levels. And, if anything goes wrong, you’re going to want a medical team nearby.”

 

Maria holds the cell between her ear and her shoulder as she begins cracking eggs into a bowl. “No, I’ve already tried. She refuses to leave. She’s scared, Rana, and I honestly don’t blame her. The only way I’m getting Natasha out of here is if I physically drag her from the building. And I refuse to do that to her.”

 

“Alright, where are you? I’ll send Clint over with some supplies when he gets in. We aren’t going to be able to keep him away from Natasha, anyway, and I doubt she would appreciate too many people seeing her in this condition.”

 

“Clint?” Maria blinks. “Clint is supposed to be in Damascus until Saturday.”

 

“Don’t ask me how he found out what happened, but he found out. He should be back within the hour.”

 

“So not only is he abandoning his mission four days early, he’s going to break the jet to make it home as fast as possible?” Maria rolls her eyes.

 

Maria wants to be annoyed with the archer, but she can’t find it in her. Maria knows that if she’d heard about what had happened to Natasha while on an op she would have reacted the same way. Though, realistically, considering they are practically siblings, Maria doesn’t know what exactly he thinks he’ll be able to do to help her.

 

“We’re at the Tower,” Maria tells her. “I’m going to send you a list of things I need; have him bring them when he’s coming.”

 

“Absolutely,” Rana agrees easily, “and I’ll keep a medical transport standing by just in case. Hopefully you won’t need it, but if you do I’ll be able to get it in the air and headed towards you within minutes. And, Maria?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Take care of yourself too, ok? Remember what I said. You are absolutely no good to her if you collapse.”

 

Maria smiles. “I’m not the one you need to be worried about.”

 

“I’m a multitasker,” Rana assures her, “I can worry about all of you idiots at the same time.”

 

“Thanks, Rana,” Maria chuckles. “I’ll check back in a few hours.”

 

Maria makes sure the ringer is on full volume before she tosses the cell phone onto the counter, and she keeps a close eye on the clock. Maria moves as quickly as she can, determined to make it back to the bedroom with a decent meal ready before Natasha wakes and notices that she’s gone. Maria heads towards the bedroom within thirty-two minutes and Natasha is sitting up drinking a bottle of water when she gets back to the room.

 

“Hey,” Maria greets her, “how are you feeling?”

 

Natasha shakes her head. “I’m.. not sure.” Moss green eyes blink up at her from the bed, and Maria watches the way Natasha’s gaze unfocuses as she looks over Maria’s body. “Hi.”

 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Maria warns her. “You need to eat something. Doctor’s order’s.” Natasha opens her mouth, and Maria immediately regrets her word choice. Before Natasha has a chance to say anything Maria cuts her off. “ _Food_ , Natasha. You need to eat some _food_.”

 

Natasha’s stomach growls loudly as Maria sets the tray of food on the bedside table, and Maria bites back the _I told you so_ that threatens to leap from her lips. Instead she offers Natasha the cheese omelettes she made for her, and Natasha accepts the plate eagerly. Natasha shifts over in silent invitation, making room for Maria, and Maria eyes her warily as she sits down beside her. Natasha waits for Maria to relax back against the headboard before she moves towards her, and Maria’s body stiffens. Natasha freezes immediately, and Maria doesn’t miss the hurt in her eyes.

 

“Being close to you helps,” Natasha says softly. “I didn’t..”

 

Maria reaches for her without further hesitation, needing to erase that stinging uncertainty from Natasha’s gaze.

 

It’s strange to see Natasha wearing her heart on her sleeve like this, and Maria cannot bare the ache that she can see so clearly in Natasha’s eyes. Natasha’s pain is usually something you have to search for, something that lurks in the shifting green of her eyes and the tension along her body. There is a very specific way that Natasha blinks when someone upsets her, and more often than not that is the only sign that she shows. Especially around people who aren’t Clint and Maria.

 

It feels like a violation of Natasha’s privacy to view her like this, and Maria thinks she will have a lot to make up for once these damned pheromones are finally out of Natasha’s system.

 

Maria stretches her legs out on the bed and Natasha settles between them with her back pressed against Maria’s chest. There is the clink of cutlery on porcelain as Natasha uses her fork to cut off a piece of the omelette. Maria exhales tiredly as she rests her chin on Natasha’s shoulder, and her arms automatically settle around Natasha’s waist as she allows her eyes to drift shut.

 

Natasha hums contentedly as she chews, and there is once again the sound of the fork scraping against the plate. Maria feels Natasha shift moments before the piece of omelette is pressed against her lips. “Open,” Natasha orders gently, and Maria is too tired to do anything other than obey.

 

Natasha alternates between offering pieces of omelette to Maria and eating it herself, and Maria allows Natasha to feed her. It doesn’t take them long to polish off the omelettes, and Natasha turns to the nightstand to see what else Maria has brought them. Natasha reaches for the bowl of fruit next, grapes mixed in with slices of apples and pears and segmented oranges, and Natasha feeds them both pieces of fruit.

 

“Thank you,” Maria murmurs, pressing her lips against Natasha’s throat. She doesn’t miss the way Natasha’s already unsteady heartbeat skips.

 

“Thank _you_ ,” Natasha counters, and Maria smiles into her skin.

 

“Anytime, babe.”

 

Maria absently nuzzles Natasha’s neck, and Natasha’s breath catches for just a second before she shivers ever so slightly. Maria hums and moves to brush her fingers against Natasha’s abdomen. The low groan, and the way Natasha’s hips twitch, confirms Maria’s suspicions; Natasha is starting to lose herself to the pheromones again.

 

“Любимая.” The term of endearment is softer than the skin beneath Maria’s fingers; barely more than an exhalation of air as Natasha puts aside the mostly empty bowl so she can rest her hands along the thighs that bracket her body. Her nails scratch at the fabric of Maria’s pants, and Natasha makes a sound of frustration. “Why are you still wearing so many clothes?” Natasha's words are part groan and part whine, and Maria presses an open mouthed kiss to Natasha's shoulder in quiet apology.

 

Natasha’s hips cant towards Maria’s hand as she runs her nails across Natasha’s stomach, and Maria continues to press lazy kisses along Natasha’s shoulder. Maria keeps one arm loosely draped around Natasha’s waist and she seeks Natasha’s clit with her free hand. Natasha’s hips roll as Maria begins to slowly stroke her.

 

“I'm still wearing so many clothes,” Maria says quietly as she continues to kiss Natasha's skin, “because I've been too busy fucking you to get undressed.” Natasha jerks into Maria’s hand, and Maria makes a pleased noise.

 

“You are so _wet_ for me, Natasha,” Maria continues. “How am I supposed to stop touching you long enough to take my clothes off?” Her voice is a low, seductive murmur as she continues her slow assault on Natasha’s senses.

 

Maria mouths along the line of Natasha’s shoulder and lightly presses her teeth into the nape of Natasha’s neck, lazily circling Natasha’s clit all the while. Every breathless sigh and delicate whimper that falls from Natasha’s lips makes Maria _throb_. She groans softly, resting her forehead against Natasha’s shoulder for a moment as she struggles to keep from grinding against the woman between her legs.

 

Natasha gasps when Maria moves the arm at her waist. Maria crosses her arm across Natasha’s chest, pulling Natasha tighter against her as her fingers brush against Natasha’s skin. Maria gently kneads Natasha’s breast, rolling Natasha’s nipple with her thumb. She keeps her touch light and teasing and Natasha bucks her hips violently, desperate for more than Maria is giving her. But Maria does not increase the speed of her fingers. Instead she continues to slowly push Natasha closer and closer to the edge.

 

“So beautiful,” Maria whispers. She lightly trails her tongue along the curve of Natasha’s neck, and Natasha releases a choked sob.

 

Maria pinches Natasha’s nipple, and Natasha cries out, arching as best she can to push her breast more fully into Maria’s hand. Natasha is a writhing mass of need, and Maria thinks she has pushed her far enough. Maria kisses Natasha’s shoulder before nipping sharply at her skin, and Natasha trembles. Maria shifts her hand, moving her fingers from Natasha’s clit, and Russian curses fill the air as Maria presses her fingers between Natasha’s lips.

 

Natasha bucks against Maria’s hand, but Maria’s reach isn’t long enough to be able to fuck Natasha properly in this position. Natasha swears more emphatically, and Maria nips at the curve of her throat.

 

“Get on your knees, baby,” Maria tells her as she moves to adjust her own position.

 

It takes a moment before Natasha is as Maria wants her, both of them resting on their knees with Natasha held tightly against Maria’s chest. “Much better,” Maria’s voice is a deep purr of approval that Natasha feels in her bones. “Now I can do this.”

 

Maria moves her hand, stretching her arm further so she can slide into the wet heat of her. Natasha is wetter than she has been all day, and Maria cannot help but whimper. “Fuck, Natasha,” Maria gasps. “ _Fuck_.” Her grip on Natasha tightens, pressing Natasha’s back into Maria’s chest even harder as she begins to fuck Natasha in earnest.

 

Maria leans in to suck at the skin of Natasha’s throat, and strong fingers curl around the back of Maria’s head to hold her in place. Maria growls deeply as Natasha’s fingers fist in her hair and Natasha rolls her hips to meet each of Maria’s frantic thrusts.

 

“Ma.. _ria_ ,” Natasha breathes, voice breaking as Maria’s fingers rapidly curl and uncurl inside of her. Curses begin to drop from Natasha’s lips, a steady stream of broken syllables and desperate gasping moans as she tightens around Maria’s fingers, and Maria cannot help the way her hips stutter against Natasha in response.

 

Natasha screams as she comes, a ragged sound that almost makes Maria’s heart stop beating. She bites into Natasha’s neck in her excitement and Natasha falls forward as her knees give out. Maria gets pulled forward with her and she just barely manages to catch herself before she falls on top of Natasha.

 

Natasha lays on the bed trembling as Maria withdraws from her. <<Fuck,>> Natasha whimpers, and Maria hums in agreement.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Maria echoes emphatically. She dips her head to kiss along Natasha’s spine, tongue flicking against Natasha’s skin as she moves up Natasha’s body. “Are you alright?” Maria asks after a few minutes when Natasha still hasn’t moved.

 

<<I think you broke something,>> Natasha mumbles into the bed, and Maria laughs against her skin.

 

“What can I do, love?” Maria presses another kiss to Natasha’s back, not realizing what she’s said, and she assumes that Natasha’s shiver of pleasure is a result of Maria’s lips pressed against her skin. “Do you want some water?”

 

Natasha hums a yes, and Maria leaves one more kiss between Natasha’s shoulder blades before she moves away from her. Maria reaches for one of the waters she brought in earlier, but the nightstand holds only empty bottles.

 

“I’m going to have to go grab some more from the kitchen,” Maria says as she stands on shaking legs. “Do you need anything else while I’m up?”

 

Natasha tilts her head to look up at Maria. <<Just you.>>

 

Maria braces her hands against the mattress and leans in to capture Natasha’s lips with her own. “I can do that,” Maria promises as she pulls away. The tired happiness in Natasha’s eyes makes Maria’s heart soar, and she winks at her before turning to grab their dishes and head back to the kitchen.

 

Maria is distracted on her way to the kitchen thinking about what else she can bring back for Natasha to eat (some yogurt, she thinks. Or maybe a sandwich). As tired and turned on as she is in that moment, her awareness isn’t quite what it normally is. So doesn’t realize there is anyone else in the apartment until she turns the corner and sees him standing there.

 

In the bedroom, tying her robe shut and contemplating a shower, Natasha’s head whips around towards the door a fraction of a second before Maria’s scream shatters her blissful haze. By the time the sound of dishes shattering against the hardwood reaches her just a second or two later Natasha is already racing down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone noticed the tiny subtle hints to the plot yet? They really start to kick in during the next chapter :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm. Cliffhangers pull commenters out of the woodwork. Good to know ;)
> 
> For Aves; happy birthday dearest <3

“God dammit, Clint!” Maria snaps. She takes a steadying breath and tries to will her heart back to a normal rhythm. “What the hell?”

 

“Sorry!” Clint exclaims. “I tried calling but no one answered. I thought something was wrong, but I guess you guys were just..” Clint glances at Maria’s chest and quickly looks away, coughing uncomfortably. “Sorry,” he says again.

 

Maria remembers the state of her shirt and she tugs it closed as best she can, folding her arms over her chest for good measure. “Are you **blushing**?” Maria asks incredulously.

 

“You’re all..” Clint gestures vaguely in Maria’s direction, refusing to look at her, and Maria cannot help but laugh. Clint winces. “She’s like my _sister_ , Maria. And you’re barely wearing a shirt, with insane sex hair, and I **really** don’t want to think about this!”

 

Before Maria can respond Natasha comes tearing around the corner behind her. Maria turns, surprised, and her stomach drops at the sight of Natasha. She barely has time to move in between them before Natasha throws herself at Clint. She collides with Maria instead, and Maria struggles to hold her back.

 

“Clint, you need to go.” Maria grunts as Natasha begins to fight her hold with more force. The only reason Maria has been able to hold on to her at all is because Natasha is trying not to hurt Maria. But when Natasha growls, a sound of pure rage and fury, Maria isn’t sure how much longer that will last.

 

Natasha breaks away with a sudden twist of her body that catches Maria off guard, and Maria spins around so fast that she stumbles. Strong arms reach back to steady her and Maria catches herself against Natasha’s back. She blinks at Clint over Natasha’s shoulder, and wonders if she looks as stunned and shocked as he does.

 

“What are you doing here, Barton.” Natasha’s voice is ice cold as she stands between Clint and Maria. They can both read the tension in her muscles, and they know that Natasha is ready to attack if she feels that she needs to; if Clint is stupid enough to make any sort of move Natasha can read as threatening.

 

Clint puts his hands up and takes a quick step back. “Woah, Tasha! I just came to check on you and drop off some things that Maria needed!”

 

“Rana sent some supplies over for us,” Maria adds. “It’s _Clint_ , Natasha. It’s ok.”

 

“I heard you scream.” Natasha doesn’t take her eyes off of Clint, though she directs her words to the woman behind her. “I heard the dishes break. What did he do to you?”

 

“He just startled me, that’s **it** ,” Maria promises. She presses her hand against Natasha’s back, stroking along the soft material of Natasha’s robe. Natasha’s muscles tremble beneath her fingers and Maria exchanges a worried look with Clint.

 

<<Did he hurt you, Любимая?>> Natasha asks quietly in Russian so Clint will not be able to understand them.

 

<<No, Natasha. _No_. I wasn’t paying attention and he scared the crap out of me. That’s **all**. >>

 

<<If he touched you..>> Natasha growls softly, and the sound makes Maria shiver.

 

<<I’m fine. I promise you, I’m fine.>> Maria murmurs soothingly. Natasha considers Maria’s words for a moment, watching Clint carefully, before she relaxes ever so slightly.

 

“Get out,” Natasha snaps at him, and Clint flinches at the sharp tone of her voice.

 

Maria cautiously steps around Natasha. “I need to talk to him before he goes about the things Rana sent. I’ll be right back.”

 

Natasha nods hesitantly, and behind the fury in Natasha’s eyes Maria can clearly see the terror that she is still recovering from. Maria reaches out for Natasha’s hand, squeezing it gently before she turns to follow Clint towards the living room where he left the things he’d brought.

 

“What the fuck _was_ that?” Clint exclaims in a strangled whisper when they’re alone.

 

Maria shrugs. “Your guess is as good as mine. She isn’t herself at all right now. There are brief moments when I can almost see Natasha; but this isn’t her.”

 

Clint is still looking anywhere but at Maria and she sighs in frustration. “It’s just a bra, Clint.” Maria rolls her eyes at him. “I think we have more important things to worry about than the fact that you can see my bra. Show me what Rana sent.”

 

“...Sure,” Clint agrees slowly. He bends over the box on the couch and begins pulling things out of it. He glances at Maria out of the corner of his eye. “But, uh, what happened to the buttons on your shirt?”

 

Maria doesn’t respond verbally. Instead she levels her best AD Hill look at him, and Clint quickly refocuses on what he’s doing. “Right. Don’t want to know. Ok.”

 

Clint runs Maria through what Rana sent. There are bags of saline fluid and IV lines, blood draw kits, and various medications that Maria will be able to use to slow Natasha’s heart and decrease her blood pressure as a last resort. There are also strong sedatives in case they need them and a small machine that will analyze Natasha’s blood and send the results back to Rana at SHIELD.

 

“I’m supposed to bring back blood samples,” Clint sighs, scrubbing at his face tiredly. “There are some tests that the little machine can't run. The doc said that it’s a thing you know how to do?”

 

“Yeah, I can draw blood.” Maria nods absently as she continues to pull items out of the box to inspect them. “This is great Clint, thanks.”

 

“No problem.” Clint gives her a sad smile. “Whatever you need, just let me know ok? Once I’m done dropping off Tasha’s blood samples I’ll make sure I’m here in the Tower just in case.”

 

Though she knows there isn’t very much, if anything, that Clint could do to help, knowing he’ll be nearby is something of a comfort. “I need you to tell Rana how Natasha reacted when you got here.”

 

“You mean when she was ready to literally murder me because she thought I hurt you?” Clint laughs but it’s a hollow sound. “Nazri told me what to expect; I thought maybe she was going to..” he shakes his head. “Honestly I don’t know which one would be worse. And how the hell did you know she was going to do that? You were moving to grab her when she was just barely starting to come around the corner.”

 

“I.. don’t know.” Maria blinks. “I just did.”

 

When Natasha had come rushing around the corner Maria’d had only a fraction of a second to assess the situation and react. And Maria had just _known_. Before she even turned and saw the look on Natasha’s face Maria had known what she was thinking. Natasha’s fury had been so strong that Maria could practically taste it, and in that moment Maria knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if she didn’t grab Natasha, give her time to think about the situation instead of just responding, that Natasha would snap Clint's neck without a moment’s hesitation.

 

There isn’t much more to say at that point. They repack the box and Clint carts it into the kitchen where they find Natasha sitting at the table waiting for them. She automatically scans Maria, and the worry in her eyes fades just a touch. Clint puts away the few food items Maria had him pick up for them while Maria draws three vials of Natasha’s blood to send back to Rana.

 

Natasha continues to watch Clint suspiciously, with a hostility that makes him nervous. And, unsurprisingly, Clint does not linger once Maria hands him the vials of Natasha’s blood.

 

“I want to know as soon as Rana knows _anything_ ,” Maria says as she walks Clint back to the elevator.

 

Clint nods. “Absolutely. And you’ll call if you need something?”

 

“I will,” Maria assures him.

 

Clint hesitates, his eyes moving past Maria to glance down the hallway towards the kitchen where they left Natasha, and Maria cannot imagine having to walk away from Natasha when she’s like this. When she is so obviously not ok.

 

Maria is not a hugger. Neither is Clint. But she steps forward and wraps her arms around him anyway, and Clint hugs her back fiercely without hesitation.

 

“She’s going to be ok,” Maria promises quietly.

 

“How can you be so sure?”

 

“Because anything else just isn’t an option.”

 

Clint laughs weakly and he squeezes Maria tightly before he steps into the elevator. “Thanks, Hill.”

 

The elevator doors close and Maria sighs as she taps in a sequence of numbers in the keypad next to the elevator to lock down the floor. With the way Natasha responded to Clint, who she would normally die before hurting, Maria can’t risk it. Something brushes against the edge of Maria’s awareness, and when she turns to find Natasha watching her she isn’t surprised.

 

“You really thought Clint would hurt me,” Maria murmurs in quiet disbelief as she moves towards Natasha. “ _Clint_. You love him, **trust** him, more than anyone else in the world.”

 

Natasha watches Maria approach with dark eyes, and she reaches for the brunette once Maria is close enough. Maria wraps her arms around the smaller woman, and Natasha settles against her chest with a soft sigh. Natasha seems to be just a vibrating ball of tension, and Maria carefully smooths her hands down Natasha’s back. Maria is trying to think of something to say, something that might put Natasha’s mind at ease, when she feels Natasha’s lips begin to move against her skin.

 

“We should check your vitals,” Maria protests weakly.

 

“Later,” Natasha counters. She nips at the swell of Maria’s breast and hums happily when Maria quivers.

 

Natasha backs Maria against the hallway wall, pressing her thigh between Maria’s legs as she slides Maria’s shirt off of her shoulders. The ruined garment falls to the floor and Maria groans deeply when Natasha grinds into her. It feels so good, and Maria is _so_ turned on. It takes her a minute before she can speak.

 

“Nat, wait,” Maria finally manages, and Natasha immediately stops moving. Natasha presses her forehead against Maria’s chest and takes a shuddering breath.

 

“Did you mean what you said?” Natasha asks after a moment.

 

“What I said?” Maria blinks. She meets Natasha’s gaze, and the fire she finds burning in Natasha’s eyes is enough to take Maria’s breath away.

 

“Are you mine, Maria?” Natasha asks softly, and her words scorch Maria’s skin.

 

Maria swallows once. Twice. Her mouth is impossibly dry, and when Natasha shifts against her Maria’s eyes close as she swallows a moan.

 

“Maria.”

 

“Yes,” Maria finally manages, her voice a broken whisper. “I am. I’m yours.”

 

Natasha growls quietly. Her hips roll forward as she presses her teeth into the base of Maria’s neck. But Natasha does not bite down. She makes a sound full of frustrated longing as she pulls her mouth away from Maria’s throat. “Let me have you, then, Masha.” Natasha murmurs. “Please. If you're mine then let me _take_ you.”

 

Natasha is easily the most beautiful woman that Maria has ever seen. She is **painfully** sexy. And, to make matters worse, she is also adorable and kind and loyal and hilarious and so fucking sweet it makes Maria ache. Maria has wanted Natasha for as long as she’s loved her. And, if Maria could remember a time before she loved her, she wouldn’t be surprised to discover that she’d wanted Natasha then, too.

 

Saying no to her over and over again today, repeatedly distracting Natasha from her body, has been an impossibly hard thing for Maria to do. And Maria has done it because this isn’t her Natasha. This is a woman driven close to madness by lust and alien pheromones, and Maria doesn’t think she could live with taking advantage of that. But, not only is Maria only human, she is also incapable of denying Natasha anything in that moment.

 

<<I can feel how much you want me, Любимая,>> Natasha continues, her voice a seductive purr, and Maria cries out when Natasha rolls her hips into her again.

 

_I’m so sorry, Natasha_ , Maria thinks. And then she lowers her head to capture Natasha’s lips in a desperate and bruising kiss.

 

The sound that Natasha makes when Maria kisses her makes Maria’s knees tremble, and Natasha grips her waist tightly to keep her steady. Natasha pulls away when Maria doesn’t stop trembling, and she looks at Maria carefully.

 

“We should take this back to the bed,” Natasha says. “I am going to fuck you until you _scream_ , Masha. And you already look like you might fall over.”

 

A soft whimper fills the air between them, and it takes a moment for Maria to register that she is the one making the sound. She nods weakly, and allows Natasha to pull her away from the wall and towards the bedroom.

 

Natasha lets go of Maria’s hand as they cross the threshold, her nimble fingers dropping to undo Maria’s belt. She pops open the button on Maria’s pants and teases her fingers along the waistband. Natasha looks up, a question in her eyes, and Maria nods without hesitation. Natasha slowly pushes Maria’s pants down her legs. She hooks her fingers into Maria’s underwear as she goes, and tugs both pieces of clothing off at once.

 

Natasha drops into a crouch to help Maria step out of her clothes and remove her socks, and she leaves a trail of kisses up Maria’s legs as she stands back up. Maria is the one to remove her bra, bending her arms to unclasp it while Natasha is still crouched at her feet, and by the time Natasha stands Maria is finally naked before her.

 

“You are so _beautiful_ ,” Natasha says with a quiet reverence, and Maria kisses her.

 

Natasha’s robe is the next to go, quickly untied and tossed aside while Natasha licks into Maria’s mouth. Maria slowly backs Natasha towards the bed, and they don’t stop kissing one another until Natasha falls backwards onto the mattress. Natasha shimmies up the bed, smirking as Maria crawls after her. Maria straddles her and Natasha laughs.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Natasha asks, her eyes flashing with desire and amusement.

 

Instead of answering Maria leans forward to take Natasha’s left nipple between her teeth, and Natasha hisses as Maria bites down ever so carefully. Natasha cups Maria’s face in her hands and tugs, and Maria listens to the silent request. She moves away from Natasha’s breast to capture her lips once more and Natasha groans deeply.

 

Natasha’s hands glide across the muscles of Maria’s back as she hooks a leg around Maria’s waist. Maria, who knows all of the Black Widow’s tricks, tenses and gets ready to counter the move Natasha is about to try on her. But, instead, Natasha simply uses her new leverage to grind into Maria more fully.

 

Maria shudders, moaning into Natasha’s mouth as she relaxes once more. And, as soon as the last of the tension has bled out of Maria’s muscles, Natasha does exactly what Maria knew she was going to do and she flips them easily.

 

“Damnit,” Maria mutters against Natasha’s lips as Natasha tops her.

 

Natasha settles on top of Maria’s abdomen happily and smirks into their kiss.

 

Maria hums as she slides her hands up Natasha’s thighs and when Natasha sits up, finally pulling herself away from Maria’s lips, Maria’s hands continue their journey up her body. Maria skims her hands over Natasha’s sides, subtly tightening her grip, and Natasha laughs again as she covers Maria’s hands with her own.

 

“Oh no you don’t.” Natasha leans forward, pressing Maria’s arms into the mattress. “Who do you think taught you that move?” Natasha murmurs into Maria’s ear before she sucks Maria’s earlobe into her mouth.

 

Maria gasps at the feeling of Natasha’s teeth dragging across her earlobe, and it takes everything she has to keep from squirming desperately.

 

“Are you going to be good,” Natasha asks, gently squeezing Maria’s wrists, “or do I need to tie you up?”

 

Holding on to Maria’s wrists as she is, Natasha can feel the way Maria’s pulse jumps at her words. Her lips stretch into a feral grin. “Why, Maria Hill,” Natasha purrs, “you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

 

Natasha watches Maria with darkened eyes and a ravenous hunger that makes Maria ache. Maria swallows a whimper and Natasha’s mouth moves back to the smooth column of Maria’s throat. She bites at the skin beneath her lips, and Maria cannot stop the pained gasp that Natasha drags out of her.

 

“So fucking beautiful,” Natasha whispers, voice rough, and her words are beginning to crumble at the edges. What little bit of Natasha that has managed to hold on through their exchange so far is fading quickly with Maria pinned beneath her.

 

Natasha gives Maria’s wrists one last squeeze, a clear warning, before she shifts her weight and settles along Maria’s side. Natasha continues to tease Maria’s throat with her lips and Maria is so distracted by the way Natasha licks at the hollow of her throat that she doesn’t notice where Natasha’s hand has wandered to until Natasha begins to caress Maria’s breast.

 

Natasha spends long torturous minutes teasing Maria’s body. And, when Maria tries to move her hands away from where Natasha left them, to either pull Natasha where she needs her most or take care of it herself, the soft growl against her skin makes Maria reconsider.

 

“I need you so badly, Natasha,” Maria whimpers, and Natasha shudders violently at the pitch of her words.

 

Natasha does not make Maria beg. She scrapes her blunted nails over Maria’s torso, teasing along the muscles of her abdomen as her hand dances across Maria’s skin. And when Natasha’s fingers finally, _finally_ move between Maria’s legs Maria’s back lifts away from the mattress as she curses violently.

 

Natasha bites at Maria’s shoulder, groaning deeply as she enters her with two fingers. Maria’s hips rise to meet Natasha’s hand when she moves too slowly, making Natasha smirk at her impatience. Maria’s breath catches as Natasha moves her thumb to press into Maria’s clit and Natasha gives Maria just a moment to adjust to the feel of her fingers before she begins to move in earnest.

 

Natasha fucks into Maria hard and fast, curling her fingers inside of Maria even as she continues to rub at Maria’s clit with her thumb. Maria shifts her hands and when Natasha doesn't protest the movement Maria digs her fingers into Natasha’s back. She pulls Natasha closer, pressing her face into the crook of Natasha’s neck as she tries to muffle the desperate and ragged sounds that Natasha pulls from her so easily.

 

Maria’s nails press into Natasha’s skin when she straddles Maria’s leg, grinding her slick heat into the muscle of Maria’s thigh as Maria clenches around her fingers. Maria finds the presence of mind to brace her leg against the mattress, pressing her thigh into Natasha more firmly and giving Natasha something solid to grind against. Natasha’s hips stutter against Maria’s leg and she increases the speed of her thrusts as she teeters on the edge, determined to send Maria over first.

 

Natasha drags her teeth along Maria’s clavicle, and she grinds against the thigh between her legs when it makes Maria tremble beneath her.

 

Maria’s heart taps out a stuttering beat; as unsteady in that moment as Natasha’s has been all day. Each breath is a ragged sound, and Maria keeps forgetting how to inhale as Natasha continues to manipulate her body like a finely tuned instrument.

 

<<My gorgeous, precious Maria.>> Natasha manages as she thrusts into her and Maria arches against her with a gasp.

 

“Yours,” Maria agrees with a whimper that Natasha feels in her bones. “ _Always_.”

 

Natasha presses her teeth against Maria’s throat. She can feel the frantic flutter of Maria’s pulse against her lips, and something powerful surges through Natasha’s blood at Maria’s breathless vow. Natasha’s awareness narrows to the way Maria’s heartbeat throbs against her lips and around her fingers. She can taste the salt of Maria’s skin on her tongue, and she can feel the tremble of Maria’s muscles as she begins to come apart in Natasha’s arms.

 

<< _Mine_ ,>> Natasha growls fiercely, and she bites down on the skin beneath her teeth. Natasha bites hard enough to make Maria’s vision flash white.

 

For just a moment, eyes squeezed shut, all Maria knows of the world is the feel of Natasha against her. The way her overheated body presses into Maria’s side, burning Maria in a way that has nothing to do with the temperature of Natasha’s skin. Maria is aware of the sharp teeth pressed into her neck, the magical fingers that continue to move within her, and each urgent roll of Natasha’s hips that paints Maria’s thigh with her arousal.

 

The moment stretches almost painfully as every nerve ending in Maria’s body sings Natasha’s name. Maria’s lungs begin to burn but she doesn’t know how to breathe past the feeling washing over her. It feels like falling. It feels like flying.

 

It feels like forever.

 

And, finally, the moment breaks. It becomes too much, and Maria comes with a piercing cry. Maria trembles violently as her orgasm washes over her and the vibration of Maria’s thigh between her legs is enough to pull Natasha over the edge after her.

 

They hold one another tightly as they ride out the aftershocks together, and Natasha lightly traces her tongue along the bite mark she left behind. Maria groans weakly, her hips rising to thrust against the fingers still inside of her as Natasha teases the sensitive skin.

 

<<Mine,>> Natasha repeats, softer this time, with a quiet awe in her voice.

 

“Yours,” Maria murmurs, her voice a faded whisper.

 

It feels like something important has happened here. Something monumental and binding in a way that Maria cannot comprehend or focus on. Not with Natasha kissing her way down Maria’s chest, or the fact that her body is still singing Natasha’s name.

 

But there is a quiet despair growing in Maria’s heart, too. Because she knows that this isn’t real; it can’t be. Even as it feels like the realest thing she will ever know. It’s a jarring kind of dissonance that makes Maria’s head spin.

 

Come tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever it is that Natasha finally returns to herself, this won’t mean anything. This will become just one more thing that they’ve lived through and the promise they’re making one another will become meaningless. And even as the blissful high of her orgasm is still flooding her system, even as her soul seems to vibrate with whatever has just passed between them, Maria feels like she could cry.

 

Natasha bites into Maria’s hipbone and Maria gasps as she’s ripped away from her morose contemplations. She hadn’t noticed Natasha moving down her body, though Natasha obviously noticed the absence of her attention.

 

<<There you are,>> Natasha murmurs. She’s watching Maria carefully, a question in her eyes that Maria doesn’t want to answer. But Natasha doesn’t push; she just holds Maria’s gaze for a moment longer.

 

Maria isn’t sure what she’s looking for, but Natasha seems satisfied with whatever it is she finds in the endless depths of Maria’s sapphire eyes. Natasha shifts, settling between Maria’s legs, and Maria’s breathing stalls when Natasha presses a kiss to the inside of her thigh.

 

When Natasha licks into her, moaning deeply as her tongue swipes through Maria’s folds, Maria almost bites through her lip.

 

Natasha presses an arm across Maria’s hips when they try to rise off the bed, holding the brunette steady against the mattress as she takes her time exploring Maria with her lips and her tongue. Natasha learns what makes Maria gasp and what makes her writhe desperately, and Natasha makes special note of the things that drag from Maria the shuddering sob that she loves so much.

 

Natasha is not prepared for the strength of Maria’s reaction when she wraps her lips around Maria’s clit and sucks. Maria’s body folds as she curls forward with a ragged scream that makes Natasha’s heart stop beating. It’s easily the sexiest thing Natasha has ever witnessed, and she grinds into the mattress to try and relieve some of the pressure building inside of her.

 

Maria buries her hands in silken red curls as Natasha continues to suck lightly at her clit and the orgasm continues to roll through her. She collapses back against the bed with a strangled sob as it finally begins to fade, hips lifting to press herself more firmly against Natasha’s mouth.

 

Natasha gently strokes Maria’s abdomen with her free hand as Maria struggles to catch her breath. She moves to lift away from Maria’s sex, but Maria tightens her grip on Natasha’s hair.

 

“Don’t stop,” Maria whimpers. “God, Nat, don’t stop.” Maria isn’t sure if she can handle another orgasm, but she _knows_ she would not be able to handle Natasha stopping. Not yet.

 

Natasha growls in response, and the vibration against her clit makes Maria moan.

 

Natasha moves her free hand away from where it strokes against Maria’s abdomen. She caresses Maria’s hip and trails her fingers along the curve of her thigh, scratching her nails against Maria’s skin to make Maria’s breath catch.

 

Maria moans as Natasha teases at her entrance. She rolls her hips in an attempt to fuck herself on Natasha’s fingers, but Natasha’s grip on her is still too strong for Maria to accomplish it.

 

Maria whines softly in protest when Natasha pulls away from her to rest her cheek against Maria’s thigh.

 

<<Fuck, Masha,>> Natasha manages. <<You feel so, _so_ fucking good. >> Her breathing is ragged, and Maria shudders when Natasha exhales against her skin

 

Maria is so wet that she has soaked the bed beneath her, and Natasha is able to slide three fingers inside of her. She groans as she watches her fingers disappear; Maria is so tight around her that it almost hurts. Natasha enters Maria slowly, and she tears her eyes away from the hypnotic sight to watch Maria’s reaction instead. Maria’s face is twisted in pleasure, but there is a tightness around her eyes that makes Natasha hesitate.

 

<<Is it too much?>>

 

Maria shakes her head. Though more than she’s used to, the stretch of Natasha’s fingers feels amazing. She tries to articulate this to the woman between her legs but all Maria manages is a broken moan as her breath hitches. She settles for dragging her nails against Natasha’s scalp and attempting to focus Natasha’s attention with a tug on her hair.

 

Natasha listens to the silent request and allows herself to be guided back to where Maria needs her. Natasha stills her fingers as she leans in to lightly lick at Maria’s clit. Natasha licks her slowly, a steady languid movement that makes Maria writhe desperately.

 

“Nat _asha_ .” The need in Maria’s voice takes Natasha’s breath away. “Natasha, god, _please_.”

 

Maria has been tortured by Hydra agents. She has been blackmailed and humiliated and has suffered greatly over the years. And not once has Maria ever begged for mercy. Maria’s pride is something that will get her killed one day, Natasha is sure of it, but there is no sign of her pride in that moment. In that moment Maria begs shamelessly, pleads for Natasha to take her, and Natasha wonders if she died. She contemplates the chances that the alien pheromones actually killed her, and maybe this has all been one massive hallucination as her brain shuts down.

 

Because Natasha cannot believe that Maria Hill is stretched across her bed, pleading for mercy.

 

Natasha shudders violently as she comes. The feel of Maria, the taste of her, combined with her desperate pleas are just too much. Maria’s words are all it takes to break her, and Natasha feels the way Maria reacts to her orgasm.

 

“F..uck,” Maria groans. She rolls her hips, desperately trying to grind into Natasha, and Natasha does not make her wait any longer.

 

Natasha sucks Maria’s clit between her teeth before her own orgasm has even finished rolling through her. She nibbles gently at the sensitive bundle of nerves while she fucks Maria like she means it, and it only takes a few sure strokes to make Maria shatter.

 

Maria _keens_ , throwing her head back as Natasha growls around her clit. Maria’s fingers tangle in Natasha’s hair and she strains against the arm Natasha still has pressed across her hips as her awareness blurs for a moment.

 

Natasha carefully withdraws from Maria as she moves up the bed. She leaves a trail of damp kisses across Maria’s torso before curling up beside Maria and wrapping her arms around the brunette protectively. _Mine_ , Natasha thinks to herself, and she presses a kiss to Maria’s shoulder.

 

Maria groans. And though her eyes open it still takes a minute for her gaze to focus. “You are incredible,” Maria murmurs and Natasha hums in response, lightly nipping at Maria’s shoulder as she does. Maria blinks and she tries to recover enough to get a read on the woman beside her. “Nat?”

 

There is a subtle tremble in Natasha’s muscles, and Maria doesn’t like how warm she feels. Maria turns her head to kiss Natasha’s brow. “How bad is it?”

 

<<Bad.>> Natasha manages.

 

Maria remembers the other reason she distracted Natasha from fucking her for as long as she did. Maria’s limbs feel like they are made of jello; moving is beyond her abilities in that moment. Maria stretches out her arm to pull Natasha tighter against her side, and Natasha exhales shakily into the crook of Maria’s neck.

 

Maria blinks as something occurs to her.

 

“Come here,” Maria murmurs as she lifts her head just enough to get rid of the pillow she’s laying on. Natasha doesn’t move, and Maria pokes her not so gently. “Come here, Nat. Let me take care of you.”

 

Natasha eventually uncurls from around Maria’s body and allows the brunette to guide her. It takes a second for her brain to catch up, but she moves a bit quicker once she realizes what Maria wants. Natasha brackets Maria’s head with her knees, gripping the headboard tightly as Maria lightly trails her fingers up Natasha’s thighs.

 

Maria curls her arms around Natasha’s hips, adjusting her until she’s hovering over Maria’s mouth and encouraging her lower. Maria laps at her, slowly exploring Natasha for a few moments before Natasha begins to rock against her. Maria groans, hands flexing against Natasha’s skin as she pulls Natasha closer.

 

Natasha rides Maria’s face like it is something she was made for, and Maria savours every moment of it. As turned on as she is, Natasha doesn’t last long. It’s only a few minutes before Natasha begins to lose the rhythm of her thrusts and her eyes roll back into her head as she comes with a shuddering sigh. Maria moans happily as she continues to slowly lick into Natasha, holding her steady as she does.

 

Natasha rolls away from Maria’s mouth as it becomes too much, collapsing onto the bed beside her as she tries to catch her breath.

 

“Better?” Maria asks.

 

Natasha hums absently as she realizes her head is on the wrong end of the bed. Natasha rotates, curling back up against Maria’s side as the brunette wipes a hand over her face. For the first time since the alien pheromones entered her system Natasha doesn’t feel like her veins are full of acid. Natasha makes a contented sound as Maria wraps her in her arms, and Natasha is the one to tug the sheet up around them this time.

 

Maria yawns into Natasha’s hair and Natasha smiles, charmed by the adorable squeak at the end of her yawn that Maria only makes when she’s truly exhausted. Natasha sits up, leaning on an elbow so she can gaze at Maria.

 

Maria looks absolutely worn out, and Natasha makes a quiet sound of concern.

 

“You should sleep,” Natasha says softly as she lightly trails her fingers across Maria’s brow.

 

“We haven’t checked your vitals in hours,” Maria protests. “We really need to do that.”

 

“I feel ok,” Natasha promises. “If that changes I’ll wake you.”

 

Maria opens her mouth to continue arguing, but all that escapes is another yawn. “Fuck,” Maria mutters, and Natasha knows that she’s won. “You don’t need anything?” Maria presses even as her eyes begin to close.

 

“I’m ok,” Natasha repeats. She presses a kiss to the underside of Maria’s jaw. “Go to sleep, Любимая.”

 

Maria’s grip on her tightens briefly as she drifts away, and Natasha simply watches her sleep for awhile. She tries to remember a time when she has ever seen Maria this relaxed, or happy, and she cannot think of one. Natasha kisses Maria one last time, her lips lingering against Maria’s temple, before she lays back down.

 

Natasha rests her head on Maria’s chest as she curls into her, comforted by the steady beat of her heart, and Maria makes a sleepy sound of contentment as Natasha nestles back into her arms. It feels right, laying here like this with her. It feels right in a way that almost takes Natasha’s breath away, and Natasha knows that she would give her life to keep Maria safe.

 

One final thought drifts across Natasha’s mind as she stops fighting her own exhaustion.

  
_I love you_ , Natasha thinks as sleep claims her, and Maria’s heart jumps as if she’d spoken the words aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're dropping down to once a week updates for December, and there is a very real chance I might miss at least a week at some point due to events in my personal life. If you're really curious about the explanation you can find it [here](https://crimsoncat21.tumblr.com/post/168035991811/it-looks-like-the-22nd-of-december-will-be-the).
> 
> I'll do my best to continue to update on a regular basis for the next month, but I can't make any promises. Worst case scenario we should be back to bi-weekly updates come January <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update will probably come next Friday at the latest. I will have a few hours to kill while I'm waiting for my plane so if nothing else you can expect an update then :)
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments and support; it means the world to me and I don't deserve any of you. I hope you enjoy this chapter <3

Natasha opens her eyes hours later, blinking into the darkness. It’s the feeling of something missing, the nagging awareness that she’s lost something, that finally pulls Natasha from her dreams. She rubs at her eyes as she sits up, noticing that the space beside her is empty.

 

Maria has been gone long enough for the sheets to cool, and Natasha frowns.

 

The floor is cold beneath Natasha’s feet and she shivers as she gets out of bed. Unwilling to turn on the light and not wanting to waste time fumbling around on the ground for her robe Natasha simply pulls the blanket off the bed and wraps it around her body.

 

The temperature of her apartment is perfectly controlled; there has never been a moment when Natasha felt cold or hot in her home, and she knows she should probably be worried about why she feels so chilled. But right now she just needs to find Maria.

 

There isn’t a single light on anywhere, but there is more than enough coming in from the windows to light Natasha’s way as she searches the apartment. She finally finds Maria in the living room, sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, wearing only her underwear and her ruined buttonless shirt.

 

It isn’t until she sags against the doorway in relief that Natasha realizes she didn’t actually expect Maria to still be there. And, even as the relief that comes with finding Maria washes through her, Natasha takes in the defeated curve of her spine.

 

The light coming in from the windows glints against the phone on the coffee table in front of her, and Natasha wonders what Rana could have said to worry Maria like this.

 

Natasha swallows the spike of fear that threatens to choke her, and forces a nonchalance that she doesn’t feel into her voice. “Bold fashion statement,” Natasha murmurs, and Maria’s tired laughter is muffled by her hands.

 

“Right back at’cha,” Maria counters when she finally lifts her head to look at Natasha standing in the doorway.

 

Natasha moves across the room to settle beside Maria, draping her blanket around Maria’s shoulders as she presses into Maria’s side. Maria settles back against the couch, pulling Natasha into her lap as she does, and Natasha curls against Maria’s chest with a sound of contentment as something inside of her settles.

 

“How are you feeling?” Maria asks after a moment.

 

“Cold,” Natasha admits, “but mostly ok aside from that, maybe?”

 

Natasha can feel the way Maria’s eyes rest on the cell phone sitting on the coffee table. And she can practically see the fear coiled around Maria’s spine. But Maria doesn’t mention speaking with Rana and Natasha does not ask. She isn’t sure she wants to know what could leave Maria so shaken.

 

“Let’s go back to bed,” Maria says instead of mentioning the doctor.

 

“This is nice,” Natasha protests sleepily when Maria tries to sit up. “Let’s just.. stay a bit longer?”

 

Maria relaxes back against the couch, holding Natasha closer and tucking the blanket in around her. “Alright,” Maria agrees a little too easily. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

 

There is a softness to Maria’s words that is equal parts soothing and terrifying. It makes Natasha think of the tone people automatically adopt when they find out that someone is dying, and she reconsiders not wanting to ask about whatever it is that Rana told her. But the steady pulse of Maria’s heart and the feel of her fingertips stroking against the bare skin of Natasha’s back is too soothing to fight against, and Natasha is just so _tired_.

 

Natasha is asleep again before she can find the strength to press the subject.

 

* * *

 

Natasha’s breathing evens out as she falls asleep in Maria’s arms, and Maria rests her head against the back of the couch. It’s been over an hour since the ringing cell phone woke her and pulled Maria away from Natasha’s side; over an hour and still Rana’s words are echoing through Maria’s mind like the catchy hook of a bad pop song.

 

Natasha had been sprayed with the pheromones at 3:41 pm, and Tony pushed her out of them at 3:44. She had been in the cloud of alien chemicals for three minutes and nineteen seconds according to the security footage, and Maria isn’t surprised to discover that a it took less than three and a half minutes to potentially end her world.

 

Maria has seen worlds end faster than that. A stray bullet, a misplaced step in battle, walking across the street just one moment too early or too late; worlds can end in milliseconds. Maria is horrifyingly aware of how easy and quickly a life, a world, can be destroyed. But it’s different when she isn’t just watching it happen to someone else.

 

Tony was in the cloud of chemicals for thirty two seconds, and now, twelve hours later, he is finally starting to come back to himself. The pheromones are working their way out of his system. It seems like he’s going to be ok.

 

But Natasha..

 

_“Her pheromone levels aren’t dropping, Maria. They’re actually higher than they were when she was first exposed.”_

 

_“Higher? What do you mean they’re_ **_higher_** _? How is that possible?”_

 

_“It gets worse. I’m finding alien code integrated into her blood cells. It seems to be.. binding itself to her on a genetic level. Though, whatever else is happening, it seems to be stabilizing at least. I’d give it another eight or ten hours before she’s mostly in control of herself again. You said Natasha is sleeping?”_

 

_“Yeah. She’s been sleeping for at least four hours now.”_

 

_“She may sleep for awhile yet as her body begins to adjust. Let her rest, and bring her in as soon as you can.”_

 

_“Fuck that! I will fucking bring her in_ **_immediately_** _!”_

 

_“No, Maria, let her sleep. She needs to rest and keep her strength up if she’s going to survive this. And I don’t have any answers yet. It’s best to just keep her in an environment where she feels safe for now and minimize the stress to her system as much as we can. Hopefully, by the time she feels like she can leave the Tower, I’ll have more information. In the meantime I’m going to keep analyzing this. Just.. take care of her. I’ll call you if I find anything else. Let me know if her condition changes.”_

 

Natasha shivers, dragging Maria out of the memory, and Maria frowns as Natasha trembles in her arms. Maria moves slowly, carefully sitting up as she cradles Natasha against her chest. Natasha makes a quiet sound of displeasure as Maria shifts her and Maria presses her lips to Natasha’s temple.

 

“Shhh, sweetheart,” Maria speaks softly. “I’m right here. I’ve got you, Nat.”

 

Maria waits for Natasha to settle before she stands and begins to move them towards the bedroom. Natasha doesn’t stir again, not even when Maria lowers her onto the mattress. Maria pulls the bed sheet around her and spreads the blanket back across the bed before she turns to the wooden chest next to Natasha’s dresser. Maria pulls out the thickest blanket she can find in Natasha’s linen chest and spreads that across the bed too before she shrugs off her shirt and crawls in next to her.

 

Maria tucks her arm around Natasha’s waist and gently tugs until Natasha’s back is pressed firmly against Maria’s chest. Maria curls around her like a promise, steady and unyielding, and she presses gentle kisses to the skin that she can reach. The nape of Natasha’s neck, her shoulder blade, the edge of Natasha’s arm. Maria tries to settle her mind, tries to follow Natasha into sleep, but she cannot stop imagining the changes that might be taking place in Natasha’s body even now.

 

Rana’s words echo through Maria’s mind and there is no escaping them.

 

_It seems to be.. binding itself to her on a genetic level._

 

Maria tells herself that the fact that Rana didn’t want Natasha immediately rushed into SHIELD is a good sign. She tells herself that it’s going to be ok; that Natasha will be stronger than whatever the fuck this is growing inside of her. Maria knows that Rana has also called in Helen Cho, a world renowned geneticist, to help with Natasha’s case. Maria has absolutely zero doubt that Natasha will be _fine_.

 

She has to be.

 

Like Maria told Clint, there simply isn’t another option. She refuses to even consider any other alternative.

 

But Rana’s words continue to loop through Maria’s mind and fear settles into the marrow of her bones.

 

_Her pheromone levels aren’t dropping, Maria. They’re actually higher than they were when she was first exposed._

 

Maria buries her face into Natasha’s curls and inhales deeply. She pulls Natasha tighter against her chest and slowly exhales, and still her mind refuses to settle. Maria lays there quietly for a while just listening to the sound of Natasha’s breathing, facing thoughts darker than the night that surrounds them, until Natasha stirs in her arms.

 

Maria relaxes her grip when Natasha tries to move, and as soon as she does Natasha turns to face her. Natasha curls into Maria’s chest, tucking her head under Maria’s chin and pressing her lips against the skin above Maria’s racing heart.

 

<<You’re thinking so loudly, Любимая,>> Natasha murmurs sleepily.

 

Maria pulls Natasha close, wrapping her arms back around her. “Sorry,” Maria sighs.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Natasha asks after a moment, and Maria hesitates.

 

( _It seems to be.. binding itself to her on a genetic level.)_

 

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly.

 

Natasha exhales softly and presses another kiss to Maria’s chest. “Ok”

 

They lay there for a few minutes listening to one another breathe.

 

“Why do I feel like you already know what's bothering me?” Maria finally asks.

 

Natasha chuckles into Maria’s skin. “Because you’re not an idiot?” Maria snorts and Natasha gently taps against Maria’s chin with the top of her head. “It’s not like I do this for a living or anything.”

 

Maria hums in quiet agreement as she scrapes her nails lightly across Natasha’s back. Natasha shivers in her arms and pushes closer against her.

 

“I know you spoke with Rana,” Natasha continues quietly. “I know what she said terrified you; that it’s the reason you aren’t sleeping. And I know you’re hoping I won’t ask you about it so you won’t have to be the one to tell me exactly how bad it is.”

 

Maria rolls onto her back, putting a bit of space in between them, and Natasha immediately misses the comforting shelter of Maria’s arms. “I hate it when you do that, you know,” Maria tells her.

 

When Natasha reads her so easily it always leaves Maria feeling exposed.

 

“Yeah,” Natasha sighs, “I know.”

 

“Do you want to know what she told me?” Maria keeps her tone carefully neutral as she stares up at the ceiling, and Natasha is already tired of the distance between them; even if it is only a few inches.

 

“No.” Natasha reaches out to trail her fingers across Maria’s ribs, and she relishes the feel of Maria’s skin beneath her fingertips. “What I want is a shower.”

 

Maria glances at the clock. “We could get some more sleep,” she counters. “It’s still early.”

 

Natasha scoffs. “Are you actually going to sleep, or are you going to stay up worrying until the sun rises and then sneak away to cook breakfast?” Maria frowns and Natasha shakes her head. “Uh-huh.” Natasha leans in to press a kiss to Maria’s shoulder before she climbs over her and Maria’s hands automatically move to rest on Natasha’s thighs, stilling her movements.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Maria asks as Natasha settles onto her hips.

 

“You’re obviously not going to sleep, and I can’t rest when you’re thinking that hard. So I’m going to get in the shower.” Natasha leans forward to brush her lips against Maria’s. “I’m hoping you’re going to join me.”

 

“Are you saying I smell?”

 

“I’m saying I’m pretty sure you have my come in your hair.”

 

Maria’s lips twitch into a smile and she gently pushes Natasha off of her. “I wonder who’s fault that is.”

 

Natasha smirks over her shoulder as she heads towards the ensuite. “If you ask nicely maybe I’ll wash it out for you, too.”

 

Maria doesn’t bother responding, she simply enjoys the way the light filtering in from the window slides along the curve of Natasha’s ass as she sashays across the room. _I am so_ **_fucked_** , Maria thinks to herself as Natasha closes the bathroom door behind her. The bathroom light flicks on moments later, and Maria climbs out of the bed. Maria detours to the kitchen to start the coffee before she joins Natasha in the shower, and when she finally makes it into the bathroom Maria can tell that Natasha’s mood has shifted.

 

Natasha glances towards the door as Maria opens it, and the look in her eyes surprises Maria. It’s a strange mixture of apprehension and relief, and Maria steps out of her underwear as she quickly moves to join Natasha in the shower.

 

Natasha turns away from Maria, stepping more fully under the rain showerhead in the middle of the large space, and Maria reaches into the stream of water to run her hand across Natasha’s shoulders.

 

“You keep expecting me to leave,” Maria murmurs.

 

There is no outward change in Natasha’s body language, no sudden tension in her muscles or audible reaction. But Maria knows Natasha is stunned by her words; the same way she knew exactly what was wrong as soon as their eyes met.

 

“I’m not used to people staying once they’ve..” Natasha’s words trail off.

 

_Once they’ve gotten what they want_ , Maria finishes silently. Natasha isn’t used to people who stay once they’ve fucked her, and Maria is hit by a wave of fury so strong it takes her breath away. Natasha turns to face Maria, blinking at the way her eyes flash.

 

“You deserve.. so much **better** than that,” Maria manages.

 

“I don’t blame them.” Natasha shrugs. “The Black Widow isn’t really someone you take home to meet your family.”

 

There is a quiet pain lurking behind Natasha’s careful indifference and Maria wants to track down every single person responsible for putting that look in Natasha’s eyes. She wants to throttle everyone responsible for the way Natasha’s heart stalls when she wakes up alone and doesn’t expect Maria to still be there because experience has taught Natasha that she won’t be.

 

Maria steps closer to Natasha so she can gently cup the Russian’s face in the palm of her hand. Maria lightly rubs her thumb across Natasha’s cheekbone as she holds Natasha’s gaze. “I’m not going anywhere,” Maria promises fiercely. “I’m _here_ , Natasha. For as long as you want me to be.”

 

Natasha’s lips part, but she has no words to offer in response. The strength of Maria’s devotion, the knowledge that Maria never makes a promise that she doesn't intend to keep, leaves Natasha speechless.

 

Unable to respond verbally, Natasha surges forward. She wraps her arms around Maria’s neck, tugging her down so Natasha can kiss her fiercely. Maria moans at Natasha’s sudden intensity and Natasha licks into Maria’s mouth as her lips part.

 

Maria’s hands grip Natasha’s waist tightly, and she backs the Russian against the glass wall of the shower. Natasha groans as her back hits the cool surface, and she is forced to pull away from Maria’s lips when her lungs begin to scream a few moments later.

 

Maria kisses her way across Natasha’s jaw, and her grip on Natasha’s waist tightens when Natasha rolls her hips into Maria. There is a desperation to Natasha’s movement, a sharp urgency to her need that seems to be contagious. Maria feels Natasha’s desire as though it were her own, and she aches with how much she _wants_. It leaves her breathless.

 

Maria drops to her knees.

 

The shower floor was specially designed with an anti-slip material, but Maria still braces Natasha carefully as she pulls one of Natasha’s legs over her shoulder. There is no hesitation and no teasing this time. Maria curls her fingers into Natasha’s ass as she leans in and slides her tongue through the burning heat between Natasha’s thighs.

 

Natasha cries out with the first lick, her heel digging into Maria’s back in an attempt to pull her even closer. Maria moans in response and uses her grip on Natasha's ass to pull Natasha tighter against her mouth. Maria sucks Natasha’s clit, carefully pressing her teeth into the sensitive bundle of nerves, and the breathless cry Natasha makes as she comes reverberates through the glass shower.

 

Maria thinks that it's a shame she doesn't have one more hand as she is forced to release an ass cheek so she can fuck Natasha with her fingers. Natasha’s head slams into the glass wall of the shower when Maria enters her with two fingers, and it hits the glass so hard that Maria tries to pull her mouth away to make sure Natasha is alright.

 

The sudden grip of Natasha’s fingers tangled in her hair keeps Maria from moving. <<Don’t you _dare_ stop, >> Natasha growls dangerously, and the timbre of her voice makes Maria moan.

 

Maria pulls two more orgasms from her before it becomes too much. Natasha eventually twitches away from the pressure of Maria’s tongue on her clit, and she is trembling violently when Maria finally moves away from her. Maria carefully lowers Natasha’s leg from where it still rests on her shoulder, and she pulls Natasha into her arms when she stands.

 

Natasha exhales tiredly as she relaxes against Maria’s chest, and they spend a few minutes simply standing together under the hot water while they lazily stroke and kiss each other’s skin.

 

<<What if I want you to be here forever?>> Natasha’s quiet question is almost lost in the roar of the shower.

 

Maria reaches past Natasha to grab her shampoo from the shelf built into the shower wall. Maria pours some of the shampoo into her hand and replaces the bottle on the shelf while she considers Natasha’s question.

 

Natasha hums contentedly when Maria’s fingers scratch against her scalp as she lathers the shampoo into Natasha’s hair, and she doesn't comment on Maria’s continued silence.

 

A resounding and enthusiastic **_Yes!_ ** is of course Maria’s gut reaction. But, though Natasha is closer to herself than she was when Maria first arrived the previous afternoon, Maria doesn't trust this. This is, Maria is sure, still the pheromones talking.

 

Maria tilts Natasha’s head back, supporting her neck with one hand while she rinses the suds out of Natasha’s hair with the other. The contented purr like sound that slips from Natasha makes Maria smile wistfully.

 

_What I wouldn't give_ , Maria thinks sadly, _to be able to do this every day._

 

Natasha straightens and looks up at Maria, blinking water from her eyelashes. Maria reaches for the conditioner next, but Natasha’s hand on her arm stops her. “Maria.”

 

Maria exhales and meets Natasha’s gaze. “I would only ever leave because you asked me to,” Maria promises softly.

 

Something shifts in the moss green of Natasha’s eyes, and Maria knows that she noticed Maria’s careful phrasing. But it won't be up to Maria; this isn't a promise that she can make. If it were up to her Maria would happily stay by Natasha’s side forever, loving her for as long as they are both able to stay alive.

 

But this won't be Maria’s decision to make.

 

Maria doesn't know how Natasha will react once she comes back to herself. There is a very real chance that Natasha will view her actions as an unforgivable betrayal, even as she understands that Maria did it to save her life.

 

And, even if by some miracle Natasha doesn't hold this against her, Maria has no reason to believe that a committed relationship is something that Natasha has any interest in.

 

Maria fully expects Natasha at the very least to demand some space once she is herself again. Maria has witnessed Natasha at her most vulnerable, and Natasha has a knee jerk reaction to things like that.

 

It doesn't matter whether or not Maria would stay with Natasha forever if Natasha asked. What matters is that Natasha wouldn't ask that of her; no matter how much Maria may wish that she would.

 

“I’ll happily stay by your side as long as you’ll let me be here, Natasha,” Maria repeats softly. And when she reaches for the conditioner this time Natasha does not stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on Flawed Enough: Natasha finally comes back to herself and shit hits the fan! Will Natasha and Maria be able to get through this? Will Rana figure out what's going on? Tune in next week to find out!
> 
> (Enjoy the happy-ish vibe while you can, loves. Shit's about to get _real_.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might not be able to update again until after the 22nd. Apologies <3

After their shower Natasha dries off and collapses back into bed instead of getting dressed. And, though Maria asks if she wants to go back to sleep, Natasha insists that she is up for the day. So Maria pulls out the change of clothes that she had Rana send over with the supplies, and Maria goes to get them some coffee.

 

By the time Maria makes it back to the bedroom Natasha is fast asleep.

 

Maria laughs softly, and she puts their coffee cups on the nightstand. Maria strips out of her shirt and pants before crawling back into bed beside Natasha, unable to resist the allure of a couple more hours of rest by her side. Natasha shifts towards Maria in her sleep, and Maria smiles at the adorably satisfied sound that Natasha makes when Maria pulls Natasha into her arms.

 

Rana’s words are still lingering in Maria’s mind, but Maria’s exhaustion proves to be stronger than her terror this time. She falls asleep listening to the steady sound of Natasha’s breathing. Natasha’s gentle weight in her arms is soothing in a way that Maria cannot articulate, and Rana’s voice slowly fades away as sleep claims her.

* * *

 

The first thing Natasha becomes aware of as she wakes is the pleasant burn in her muscles and the smell of coffee. She opens her eyes, trying to blink away the fog of her exhaustion, and Natasha slowly becomes aware of the gentle breath on the back of her neck.

 

The arm around Natasha’s waist flexes, pulling her closer to the warm body spooned against her, and for just a moment Natasha’s heart stutters before the events of the previous day flood her memory.

 

Natasha goes perfectly still, barely breathing as she tries to process the reality of Maria Hill’s breasts pressing into her back. “Oh, god,” Natasha whispers as she realizes how very well she knows the weight and feel and taste of those breasts. (Never mind the rest of Maria.)

 

The memory of the taste of Maria on her tongue, and the feel of her wrapped around Natasha’s fingers, and all the ways Maria satisfied Natasha’s every need, makes her whimper ever so softly. Natasha shifts, rubbing her thighs together as her body responds enthusiastically to the memory of Maria’s teeth pressed into her skin, and the movement is enough to wake the woman behind her.

 

Maria hums sleepily and tugs Natasha closer. She presses an open mouthed kiss to the nape of Natasha’s neck and Natasha cannot help the shiver that rushes through her, even as she tries to shift away from Maria’s body.

 

“Nat?” Maria’s voice is rough with sleep, and the way she speaks Natasha’s name should be illegal. The fact that it’s murmured quietly against Natasha’s skin, that she feels it more than she hears it, doesn’t help even a little.

 

Natasha doesn’t respond. She can’t. She has absolutely no idea how to begin dealing with this. If it were anyone else they would have been literally kicked out of her bed already.

 

But this isn’t just anyone else; it's _Maria_.

 

Maria is one of only two people that Natasha wouldn’t be able to live without, and she doesn’t know how to deal with this in a way that won’t irreparably damage their friendship.

 

It also doesn't help that the urge to press her mouth against Maria’s skin is still there. Though not nearly as powerful as it was Natasha’s blood is still buzzing with desire for the woman behind her, and Natasha _wants._

 

Natasha inhales slowly and refuses to think about the things Maria’s fingers are capable of.

 

“Natasha?” Maria has frozen behind her. She sounds much more alert the second time she speaks, and there is a quiet apprehension lurking within the syllables of Natasha’s name.

 

“Hi,” Natasha responds uselessly. She clears her throat and tries again. “Good morning, Maria.” Natasha’s words are stiff and formal, and Maria jerks away from her as though she’d been burned.

 

Natasha immediately misses the warmth of Maria curled around her, and she does her best to swallow the longing that surges through her.

 

Natasha sits up, pulling the sheet with her to cover her chest. Natasha knows it’s a useless attempt at modesty; Maria is **intimately** familiar with her body at this point. And it's not like Natasha has ever been a shy person. But in that moment facing Maria without something to hide behind is absolutely unthinkable to her.

 

Natasha turns to meet Maria’s wide eyes. And as much as she hates the look of panic in those endless sapphire depths, it's a bit of a comfort to know she isn't the only one freaking out right now.

 

“How are you feeling?” Maria asks tentatively, breaking the silence between them.

 

Natasha blinks. “Uh. I don't know. Weird.”

 

Maria slowly reaches for her, and Natasha automatically flinches away from her hand. Natasha realizes that Maria was just reaching to check the temperature of her skin a moment too late, and the pain that briefly flashes across Maria’s face _hurts_ ; so much so that it takes Natasha’s breath away.

 

“Maria I..”

 

“No,” Maria interrupts, “it's ok. I'm sorry. I was just–” Maria shakes her head as she climbs out of the bed and grabs her clothes off the floor. “It doesn't matter. I need to call Rana; she wants us to head back to SHIELD when you feel up to leaving.”

 

Maria will not meet Natasha’s eyes. She glances at a spot to the left of Natasha’s head instead of looking directly at her, and even then it only lasts a fraction of a second.

 

“Sorry,” Maria repeats. “I’ll just.. I'm going to go do that. And I promised I’d let Clint know when..” Maria seems unable to complete a thought as she backs towards the bedroom door.

 

Natasha lets her ramble, uncertain of what she could possibly say at this point to make things less awkward. Maria apologizes again and Natasha can practically feel the self loathing swirling through her friend. Natasha wants to say something, anything, to make this ok. But she cannot shake the memory of Maria’s lips on her skin and it leaves her speechless.

 

Maria all but flees the room, carefully closing the door behind her, and Natasha drops her head into her hands with a pained groan once she’s gone.

 

On the other side of the door Maria leans her head against the hallway wall and tries to breathe past the emotions that threaten to choke her. The look in Natasha’s eyes when she flinched away from Maria’s touch is seared into her mind, and she can't escape the feeling flooding her veins.

 

Maria feels.. _dirty._

 

Maria feels like she will never be clean again.

 

She makes it into the bathroom where she gets dressed, and Maria fights the urge to run from the Tower as fast as she can. Natasha may have questions, may need answers, might demand an explanation, and Maria owes her that. Maria does her best to smother the self hatred that threatens to consume her as she forces herself to meet her eyes in the bathroom mirror.

 

“This isn't about you,” Maria reminds herself quietly. “This has _never_ been about you.”

 

It takes a few minutes before Maria can make herself stop shaking, and a few more before she can force herself to move towards the door. Maria has phone calls to make.

 

Her stomach growls, reminding her that Natasha will probably be starving by now, and Maria thinks that making Natasha something to eat is the least she can do at this point.

 

The smell of breakfast is what finally pulls Natasha out of the bedroom. She lingers in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Maria at the stove for a moment before she speaks.

 

“You didn't have to do all of this,” Natasha tells her.

 

Natasha’s voice startles her, and Maria swears as she accidentally burns her hand on the edge of the frying pan. Natasha is at her side immediately, automatically reaching for Maria’s hand to check how bad she hurt herself, and Maria is the one who flinches away this time.

 

“Sorry.” Natasha blinks as Maria moves away from her. “I..” Natasha sighs. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, sorry, I didn't hear you come in.” Maria turns toward the sink to run her mild burn under some cold water. “It's nothing; I'm fine.”

 

Natasha wraps her arms around herself as she backs away with a forced laugh. “The last time I was this uncomfortable..” her voice trails off and she shakes her head. “You know, I was going to compare it to the time Bruce decided he was in love with me. But this is worse.”

 

What she means is this hurts more than the misunderstanding with Bruce ever could. That being this unsure around one of her best friends aches in a way that she can't stomach.

 

Natasha is trying to express how hard it is to be this off balance around one of the only people she truly trusts. But before she is even done talking Natasha knows it was the wrong thing for her to say.

 

Maria staggers ever so slightly, as though Natasha’s words are a physical blow, and Natasha remembers that Maria was the person who helped her deal with that nightmare. Maria knows _exactly_ how awful that was for Natasha, and how bad things got before Bruce finally got the message that Natasha wasn’t interested.

 

(Maria was there the day that Bruce’s nice guy complex almost got Natasha killed. When his unfounded anger and frustration made the Hulk turn on her during battle.

 

Bruce left after that; they haven’t seen him in almost a year now.)

 

“Maria, no, that’s not..”

 

Maria waves away Natasha’s desperate attempt to recant her words as she moves back to the stove with stiff movements. Natasha watches helplessly as Maria turns off the burner and plates the breakfast sausages she’d been cooking.

 

“I didn’t know how hungry you’d be,” Maria says, her voice tight as she changes the subject. Maria adds the plate of breakfast sausage to the plethora of dishes already on Natasha’s table. “We didn’t really eat very much yesterday.”

 

Maria has made scrambled eggs and bacon and sausages. There is a plate of pancakes, three different fruit options, and a tower of buttered toast so high that Natasha is vaguely concerned it will topple over.

 

Natasha eyes the food warily. It feels like her stomach is eating itself at this point, but even with as hungry as she is Natasha doesn’t think she’ll be able to eat all of that alone. “You’re helping me eat this, right?”

 

Maria blinks, and Natasha hates the fact that Maria is surprised by her invitation.

 

“Clint would be happy to come help us eat it, too,” Maria offers. “If you’d be more comfortable..”

 

“No,” Natasha sighs, “we should probably talk. And it’ll be hard enough, I think, without an audience.”

 

Maria hums in quiet agreement as Natasha sits at the table. Maria glances around the kitchen, looking for a reason to delay joining her, but there isn’t anything left to do. The stove is off and everything is waiting on the table. Maria pours two cups of coffee and goes to sit across from Natasha.

 

An uncomfortable silence settles around them as they help themselves to the food. Natasha glances at Maria, but Maria is careful to keep her eyes on her plate as she begins to eat. Natasha exhales quietly and follows Maria’s lead.

 

Natasha can’t help the moan she makes with her first bite. She is absolutely ravenous, and this may be the best thing she has ever eaten. Lost as she is to the delicious food in front of her, the only reason Natasha notices Maria’s reaction is because she drops her fork.

 

Maria winces as her fork clatters against her plate, drawing Natasha’s attention. “Sorry,” Maria mumbles. Her cheeks flush with what Natasha decides to attribute to embarrassment, and nothing else.

 

“Can we just.. start over?” Natasha asks with a slight grimace. “There’s no reason this should be so hard. It’s not like I could help it, and you were just.. being a good friend.”

 

(Maria thinks of a similar conversation they had the day before.

 

“Friends. Is that what we are?” Natasha asked her, eyes glittering dangerously.

 

“What would you call this, then?” Maria had responded carefully.

 

Natasha’s answer echoes through Maria’s mind, and it’s no less true now than it was when Natasha first said it.

 

_“Complicated.”_ )

 

Maria wonders if Natasha remembers that conversation. She wonders if Natasha remembers the way she’d begged Maria to take her, and how hard Maria had tried to fight against it. Maria wants to ask if she remembers the promises they made to one another, and if she realizes how stupid Maria feels now for ever daring to hope for even a second that Natasha had meant any of it; that it had been something more than just the pheromones speaking.

 

Maria wants to ask if Natasha honestly believes that they can pretend that the past day hasn’t changed everything between them forever.

 

“Yeah,” Maria says instead, “I’d really like that.”

 

Maria had been willing to risk losing Natasha if that was the price she needed to pay to keep Natasha alive. That doesn’t mean it’s a price she’s eager to pay if she can avoid it.

 

Natasha refocuses on the food in front of her and Maria turns her attention to Natasha. She truly looks at Natasha for the first time since Natasha flinched away from her, and the way her heart flutters when Natasha licks a stray piece of egg off of her lips doesn't bode well for how well Maria will be able to move past this.

 

“I’d like to go see Rana when we’re done eating,” Natasha says around a mouthful of bacon. She glances up and stills when she meets Maria’s eyes.

 

Maria watches her carefully. “You _are_ feeling better, then?”

 

Natasha shrugs, reaching for the perilously stacked toast pile. “I don't feel like I'm going to literally die if I can't find someone to fuck me.”

 

“Always a bonus,” Maria remarks, and Natasha snorts. “But it's .. still there?”

 

“It feels like..” Natasha frowns at the toast in her hand. “It feels less like acid in my veins and just.. more like my blood is on fire. It still _hurts_. But it doesn't feel like it's going to kill me. And it's not making it impossible to form a coherent thought anymore.”

 

“So I don’t need to worry about keeping you safe when we leave here?”

 

Natasha’s gaze jumps back to Maria’s, and annoyance flashes through her moss green eyes. “I’m more than capable of taking care of myself, Maria.” There is a hard edge to her words that Maria doesn’t appreciate.

 

It takes everything Maria has to swallow the anger that rises to match Natasha’s, and to bite back the response that immediately leaps to mind. Instead she closes her eyes and inhales deeply before she carefully responds. “Yes. I know.”

 

When Maria opens her eyes again some of the fight has left Natasha’s gaze, but not all of it. Maria resists the urge to sigh. She _knew_ this was going to happen. And as much as it’s a comfort, seeing the Natasha that she knows again, Maria also really isn’t looking forward to how much this knee jerk reaction of hers is going to hurt.

 

“I said a lot of things yesterday,” Natasha begins slowly, “and you said a lot of things in return.”

 

Maria pushes her plate aside as her appetite disappears. Natasha seems to be waiting for a response so Maria nods at her. “Yes. And?”

 

“And.” The annoyance is back full force. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea. About our relationship. It didn’t go so well for me the last time that happened.

 

“I’m well aware of what our relationship is, Natasha,” Maria snaps, “and exactly what it isn’t.”

 

“Ok. It’s just you said–”

 

“I said what you needed me to say,” Maria interrupts. She holds Natasha’s gaze evenly and very carefully does not blink.

 

“You’ve never once worried about needing to keep me safe.” Natasha doesn’t blink, either. “I don’t want you to forget who and what I am just because we.. because you..” Natasha’s skin flushes and her eyes unfocus just a little, and Maria thinks she was right to be worried; no matter how much it pissed Natasha off.

 

Maria cannot help the derisive sound that she makes. “It’s fine if you forget who _I_ am, though? I’m not **Bruce** , Natasha. And you fucking know I’m not. So this? Is insulting.” Maria pushes away from the table. “You know what? I’m just going to..” Maria shakes her head, unable to think of a reasonable excuse to leave the room. “I’m just going to _go_.”

 

Maria has to pass by Natasha to exit the kitchen, and she is not proud of the way she stops beside Natasha’s chair. But Maria isn’t any better at this shit than Natasha is, and she cannot handle being compared to Bruce fucking Banner twice in such a short period of time.

 

Maria grips the back of Natasha’s chair and leans in towards her, and the way Natasha’s breath hitches only confirms what Maria suspected about how ok she actually is.

 

“I’m not going to ever forget who and what you are, Natasha,” Maria murmurs. “I’m sorry that I saw you like that, and I’m sorry it’s making you feel so vulnerable right now. But I’m not going to suddenly forget what you’re capable of, or make the mistake of thinking you might ever actually need me for _anything_. Especially not just because we happened to spend all day **fucking**.”

 

Maria drops her voice into a seductive growl, and the careful way her fingertips ghost against the nape of Natasha’s neck as she straightens isn't one of Maria’s shining moments. But the whisper of a whine that Natasha can't quite swallow, and the way she sways ever so slightly towards Maria as she speaks, proves Maria’s point. Being worried about keeping Natasha safe isn't exactly unreasonable right now.

 

Maria continues towards the door and she is just crossing into the hallway when Natasha recovers enough to respond.

 

“Maria.” Natasha’s voice is breathless but still hard as vibranium. Maria glances over her shoulder and isn’t surprised by the glare Natasha is giving her. “That was cruel.”

 

“So was comparing me to Banner,” Maria returns. Because the first time might have been a mistake; Maria is willing to give Natasha the benefit of the doubt on that one. But referencing it again so soon afterwards absolutely wasn’t. Natasha said that to hurt her, to force some distance between them, and Maria hates that it worked. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave. I’ll be downstairs.”

 

_So much for starting over_ , Maria thinks to herself, and she slips out before either of them can say or do anything that will make this even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays loves. Whatever you celebrate I hope the season has been kind to you <3  
> The response to this fic continues to blow me away, and I appreciate every single one of you. Thank you for your comments and your kudos, and thank you for reading this ridiculous story of mine. Expect another chapter in about a week or so, because life continues to be hectic.

It takes almost four hours for Natasha to go looking for Maria. She finds her on the main floor of the Avengers’ living space, stretched across the couch in the media room with a cold compress covering her eyes and forehead.

 

“I’m ready to go whenever you are,” Natasha says quietly, and Maria flashes her a thumbs up.

 

“Barton wants to fly in with us,” Maria tells her. “Could you grab him?” Maria’s voice is subdued and the edge of pain in her words is unmistakable.

 

“Have you taken anything for that headache?” Natasha stays by the doorway even though every atom of her being is screaming for her to go to Maria’s side.

 

“A couple extra strength Advil almost two hours ago. It didn't help.” Maria groans as she pulls the compress off of her head and sits up. “I'm hoping Rana will be able to give me something a bit stronger.”

 

Two hours ago.

 

Natasha hates the thought of Maria suffering for that long instead of saying something, but she doesn't blame her. Natasha wasn't exactly leaping at the chance to see Maria after their disastrous breakfast. It's why it took four hours for her to wander downstairs.

 

Natasha knows she was out of line. She knows she wasn't being fair, and the apology she owes Maria is sitting on the tip of her tongue.

 

“Ok. I'll go find Clint so we can get out of here. Meet you on the roof?” Natasha offers instead, a bit awkwardly, and Maria gives her another thumbs up.

 

Maria rests her head in her hands for a minute. She looks a little green around the edges and Natasha’s worry spikes.

 

“Do you want a hand getting up there?” Natasha offers, and Maria snorts.

 

“I think I can manage getting to the roof,” Maria insists. But she sways when she stands and Natasha tenses, ready to leap forward and catch Maria if she actually falls over.

 

Maria steadies after a moment, and Natasha relaxes just a bit. Her steps out of the room are slow, but Maria makes it to the doorway and she moves past Natasha towards the elevator. Natasha watches, waiting to make sure Maria gets onto the elevator without any problem, and Maria gives her a lethargic two finger salute as the elevator doors close.

 

Natasha shakes her head, annoyed by Maria’s stubbornness, and goes to find Clint. He's exactly where she thinks he will be; in the training room using the moving target system Tony finally finished building the week before.

 

“Hey, we’re ready to head out,” Natasha calls.

 

Clint releases another arrow and doesn't bother turning around. “You mean _you’re_ ready to head out. Maria and I have been ready for hours.”

 

“Sure,” Natasha rolls her eyes, “that's exactly what I mean. Now are you going to stop playing with your toys or are we leaving without you?”

 

Clint is grinning when he turns, and he puts away his bow and arrows before he jogs towards the elevator where Natasha is waiting for him. “It's good to have you back, Tasha.”

 

Natasha gives him a small smile as she presses the button for the roof. “Thanks.”

 

The ride up seems to take an eternity, and Natasha fidgets restlessly as they ascend. Clint watches her out of the corner of his eye but doesn't remark on it, and she's thankful that he knows her well enough to know when he shouldn't push.

 

Maria is more than capable of taking care of herself. Natasha _knows_ this. And she was just walking from the elevator to the quinjet she flew over from SHIELD. But Natasha will feel better once she gets a visual confirmation that Maria made it there without falling over.

 

An image flashes through Natasha’s mind of Maria stumbling and falling headfirst off the roof, and she presses the button again as though that might make the elevator move faster.

 

“In a hurry?” Clint finally asks.

 

Natasha glances at him before turning back to watch the floor numbers slowly tick by. “Maria wasn't feeling well,” is all that she says. As though that is enough to explain what would simply be impatient behaviour for anyone else.

 

For Natasha? It's damned near frantic.

 

She moves quickly out of the elevator and towards the quinjet sitting on the landing pad in the middle of the roof. The ramp is down, which is a good sign, and when Natasha boards she finds Maria sitting on one of the bench seats along the far wall. Maria has her eyes closed, head resting against the hull of the ship, but she's _ok_. Relief washes through Natasha and she finally allows herself to relax.

 

Maria opens her eyes and looks towards Natasha. There is an obvious question in those sapphire eyes, one that Natasha can read clearly. But Clint comes up behind her before Natasha can say anything, and Maria’s gaze slides away to him instead.

 

“So I guess I'm flying us to SHIELD?” Clint says as he moves past Natasha and boards the quinjet.

 

Maria winces at the way his voice bounces off the walls, and Clint swears quietly. “Shit, Maria, I'm sorry.”

 

“S’ok. You can make it up to me by not crashing the jet.”

 

Clint frowns. “That happened once!” He exclaims softly. “And I had a flock of evil pigeons on my ass at the time.”

 

“Oh, I remember,” Maria says as she leans her head back against the ship. “The headlines were hilarious. _HawkEye bested by demonic birds!_ ”

 

Clint scoffs in mock offense as he turns to Natasha. “Want to co-pilot?” He asks hopefully.

 

“Nah,” Natasha murmurs, “I think I'll stay out here.”

 

Clint doesn't remark on the fact that Natasha hasn't looked away from Maria once since she laid eyes on her. “Alright,” he agrees easily, and turns towards the cockpit.

 

Clint pauses to squeeze Maria’s shoulder on his way by. “Do you need anything?” He asks quietly.

 

Maria pats his hand. “Just get me to Rana and those sweet SHIELD drugs,” Maria responds, and Clint chuckles.

 

“You got it, boss,” he promises and continues on his way.

 

“And I wasn't kidding; don't you dare crash my quinjet Barton!” Maria calls after him.

 

“One time!” Clint exclaims. And though Maria winces at his volume she still smiles.

 

Natasha moves into the cabin and buckles in beside Maria. She sits between Maria and the path to the cockpit and refuses to think about the growl that built in the back of her throat when Clint clasped Maria’s shoulder. “You doing ok?” She asks quietly.

 

“I’m fine,” Maria assures her. “I'm sure it's just exhaustion or dehydration or something. Rana is probably going to yell at me.”

 

“No. She won't,” Natasha replies, and there is a dangerous edge to her words that makes Maria’s eyes blink open.

 

“Are you sure you're feeling alright?” Maria asks, watching Natasha carefully.

 

“I just don't think anyone should be yelling at you right now,” Natasha mutters.

 

Maria snorts irritably as she closes her eyes again. “No one but you, eh?”

 

Natasha doesn't know how to respond to that, so she doesn't. Instead she listens to Maria’s breathing and tries to decide if it sounds laboured or not.

 

Clint rises into the air smoothly and points them toward SHIELD as Maria’s breathing evens out. Maria is asleep within minutes, and when Clint hits a small pocket of turbulence her head falls to Natasha’s shoulder.

 

Something inside of Natasha unclenches, and for the first time since she got out of bed that morning Natasha doesn’t feel like she’s struggling for each breath.

 

Natasha wraps her arm around Maria’s shoulder, careful not to wake her, and she pulls Maria closer against her. Natasha presses her lips to Maria’s forehead and sighs quietly.

 

_I'm sorry_ , Natasha thinks.

 

She can't even remember why she was so furious during breakfast, or why she repeatedly compared Maria to Banner. They are absolutely nothing alike. Truthfully Maria is like no one else Natasha has ever met; which is probably why Natasha loves her so fiercely.

 

Her thoughts drift back to their disastrous breakfast, and Maria’s words echo through her mind.

 

( _I said what you needed me to say_.)

 

Natasha wonders if Maria meant that, or if she was simply lashing out; trying to hurt Natasha the way Natasha had been trying to hurt her. As if pissing one another off might erase everything they had just gone through together.

 

Natasha remembers every moment of the day before, and the things Maria said to her had never felt anything less than true. They actually felt like the truest thing Natasha had ever experienced. She remembers moment after moment when they bound themselves to one another, and it never once rang false.

 

The one thing Maria can never know is that Natasha meant every single word she spoke during their time together. She can never know how much Natasha loves and cherishes her. Because if Maria feels the same, if the lie was what Maria said over breakfast and not what Maria said when they were wrapped in one another's arms, then it will destroy their friendship and Natasha will lose Maria forever.

 

Because Natasha can never date her. Natasha does not get to settle down and live happily ever after with the woman of her dreams; that's not how life works for her. Putting aside the fact that Natasha could never hope to be worthy of Maria, though that alone would be enough, she also has a list of enemies a mile long to consider.

 

There are literally dozens of people who would jump at the chance to destroy Natasha. Being with her would paint a target on Maria’s back, and Natasha doesn't know that she would be able to protect Maria from that. It's not a risk she will ever be willing to take.

 

Maria is the best part of every single one of Natasha’s days. She is the most precious thing in Natasha’s life, and there are too many people who would break her just to hurt Natasha. Someone somewhere would be desperate enough and stupid enough to take Maria. Of course, they wouldn't survive doing it. But Natasha isn't so sure that Maria would either.

 

Losing Maria like that would break Natasha in ways that nothing else ever could. It would be the one thing Natasha wouldn't be able to recover from, and there are too many people who would happily give up their lives if it meant a chance to hurt Natasha that deeply.

 

No. Maria can never know how Natasha feels about her.

 

Maria shifts against Natasha in her sleep. Maria’s lips brush against Natasha’s skin as she presses her face into the crook of Natasha’s throat, and Natasha cannot suppress the shiver that runs through her body.

 

It has been barely six hours since Maria kissed the back of her neck upon waking, and Natasha _misses_ those lips.

 

Natasha doesn't know if the past day was a blessing or a curse. She doesn't know if she is happy to know what being loved by Maria feels like, or if she will spend the rest of her life craving something she will never be able to have again.

 

After just one day together Natasha is already an addict, and she knows that the time they managed to steal together will never be enough. Natasha wants a lifetime of waking up in Maria’s arms. She wants a never ending procession of days when she can casually kiss her, profess her love to her, and worship Maria like the goddess that she is.

 

Natasha _aches_ with how much she wants a life with Maria, and she decides that this is worse. To know what it feels like to be cherished by Maria, to be sheltered in the safety of her arms, and then to have it all ripped away from her.. Natasha prefered not knowing.

 

The jet begins to slow as they approach SHIELD, and Natasha carefully removes her arm from around Maria’s shoulders. Maria wakes just a moment later as Clint executes a perfect landing, and she jerks away from Natasha.

 

“Sorry.” Maria yawns, still tired, but Natasha is pleased to notice that the telltale squeak of exhaustion is absent.

 

“It’s alright.” Natasha looks away as Maria stretches. “Are you feeling any better?” When there is no response Natasha glances back to Maria in concern.

 

Maria has a startled look on her face. “I.. my headache is gone.”

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Natasha tilts her head in confusion.

 

“It was barely a step below a migraine, Natasha. That kind of headache doesn’t just disappear because I had a fifteen minute nap.” Maria frowns, pressing her fingers against her temple. “Except.. that’s exactly what happened.”

 

Natasha unbuckles her seat belt and stands. “Maybe Rana can take a quick look while we’re in Medical. Make sure everything’s ok.”

 

“Yeah, maybe,” Maria murmurs.

 

“Maria, listen, about earlier. I–”

 

“A perfect flight,” Clint brags, interrupting Natasha’s attempted apology as he wanders out of the cockpit with a grin. “I told you!” Clint holds his hand out for a high five.

 

“You don’t get a gold star for not crashing the jet and killing us all.” Maria rolls her eyes and does not high five him.

 

Maria looks back to Natasha. “Don’t worry about it,” she murmurs. “It's fine.”

 

Natasha knows it isn't fine. But she isn't having this conversation with Clint standing there.

 

Natasha positions herself between the two of them, carefully maneuvering herself so she’s at Maria’s side as Maria stands. The cabin is too narrow for them to walk three abreast, and Clint is forced to trail behind them as they exit the quinjet.

 

Clint is still insisting that he did an amazing job, unaware of what she’s done, but Maria glances at Natasha out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t miss Natasha’s subtle manipulation.

 

The sooner they get to Rana the better. As much as Natasha seems to be herself, there’s absolutely something off about her that Maria can’t quite put her finger on. Natasha is being uncharacteristically possessive; even as she tries to push Maria away and maintain her distance.

 

Maria is certain that it’s a result of the pheromones, and she’ll feel better once Rana explains what the hell is happening with the alien genetic material inside of Natasha.

 

And, most importantly, how they’re going to get rid of it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been an absolute delight reading your theories. We finally start getting some answers this chapter, and I'm looking forward to hearing what you think :D

“Well, finally!” Rana exclaims as Natasha and Maria step into her office. “I was expecting you hours ago.” She scans Natasha intently for a moment before turning an equally intense gaze on Maria. Rana studies Maria as closely as she studied Natasha, and it makes Maria feel extremely apprehensive.

 

Natasha casually steps in front of Maria, blocking her from Rana’s view. “Sorry, that was my fault. I wasn’t quite ready to leave.”

 

Something shifts in the golden brown of the doctor’s eyes, and Natasha has the sudden urge to run. She wants to grab Maria and drag her back to the quinjet; fly her away from here and whatever horrifically concerning thing put that uneasy look in Rana Nazri’s eyes.

 

Maria’s hand presses into the middle of Natasha’s back, her thumb gently stroking along Natasha’s spine. The steady pressure is grounding and Natasha inhales slowly.

 

It lasts for just a few seconds before Maria realizes what she's doing and snatches her hand away. “Sorry,” she says, so soft that Natasha barely hears her.

 

Rana looks away from them as she stands and walks around her desk. “Come, let’s get this exam out of the way.” Rana ushers them back out into the hallway and leads the way toward one of the examination rooms. “Thor stopped by this morning,” she says after a few moments.

 

“He did?” Maria blinks and shares a look with Natasha. “Did he have anything useful to tell us?”

 

“Oh yes.” Rana nods as she takes a left and steps into a large examination room. “Let’s get this testing out of the way first. Then we can sit down together and go over all of the information he brought while we wait for the results to come back.”

 

There are two patient beds in the room, and on each bed sits a hospital gown.

 

Maria isn’t even a little surprised. She suspected as soon as Rana turned to study her with the same intensity she’d studied Natasha with that this was probably what was going to happen. But Natasha is staring at the room with something very close to fear in her eyes.

 

“If you could both get changed we can start running those tests and get an idea of where we’re at,” Rana tells them.

 

“Tell me Barton called ahead and told you about Maria’s headache,” Natasha says softly.

 

Rana turns towards Maria with obvious concern. “You have a headache? How bad is it?”

 

“No, it’s gone, I feel fine,” Maria assures her as she moves towards the closest bed so she can change into the gown.

 

Natasha still hasn’t moved, and Rana sighs. “I’m sorry Natasha, we just need to be sure that you’re _both_ ok. I promise the tests are non invasive. Just some scans and some blood work so we can get an idea of what’s going on.”

 

Maria is leaning to pick up the hospital gown when something changes. She can’t immediately tell what it is but Maria freezes, blinking for a moment before she slowly turns back to face Natasha and Rana.

 

Natasha is still standing in the same spot; she hasn’t moved. Her expression is completely blank, and her body language is neutral and nonthreatening. Her arms hang loosely by her sides and there is no evidence of tension in her muscles.

 

But, looking at her, Maria has the same feeling that she gets right before a storm. That same charged, electric energy fills the air around them and Maria takes a cautious step forward.

 

Maria takes another step and she reaches for the doctor. She pulls Rana behind her in one swift movement, placing herself between the two women, and Maria knows she made the right call when Natasha’s eyes flash.

 

“Maria, what–” Rana yelps in surprise, but Maria’s attention is completely focused on Natasha.

 

“I made her sick. You _knew_ I was making her sick!” Natasha’s voice is a dangerous growl as she looks past Maria to glare at Rana. “We could have been in here hours ago! We could have been in here **_yesterday_**!”

 

Natasha takes a step forward, frustration filling her eyes as she tries to figure out how to get to the doctor without hurting Maria.

 

“Oh, don't be an idiot, Natasha. Of course I didn't know!” Rana snaps. “Now do you want to keep wasting time yelling at me or do you want to let me run my tests so I can figure out what the hell is going on here?”

 

Natasha’s fury falters, and she glances at Maria.

 

Maria still doesn’t say anything, but she never takes her eyes off of Natasha. There is a gentle concern in her gaze, a quiet understanding. And though she doesn’t speak, Natasha swears she can hear Maria’s voice murmuring soothing reassurances.

 

Natasha deflates. “Fine. But we’re going to talk about this later.”

 

“We’re going to talk about a lot of things,” Rana promises. “Top of the list will be how unbelievably _stupid_ it would be to kill one of the only people who might be capable of reversing whatever the hell is happening to the two of you.”

 

Natasha finally turns away, moving towards the other bed in the room, and Maria slowly relaxes. Natasha’s irrational need to protect her from their friends sets Maria’s teeth on edge, and she doesn’t understand where it’s coming from. Maria turns away from Natasha, back towards her own bed, and she finds Rana looking at her curiously.

 

“You started moving before Natasha began reacting. How did you know she was going to do that?”

 

Maria blinks. She glances towards Natasha and finds the same question reflected in her moss green eyes. “I don’t know.”

 

“Clint said the same thing happened when he was there. The two of you were talking when you suddenly just.. spun around. He said you were reaching for Natasha before he even realized she was there.”

 

“Yeah but that was.. I heard her moving towards us.” Maria steps around the doctor as she pulls off her shirt and reaches for the hospital gown.

 

“Did you?” Rana presses.

 

Maria shrugs. “I must have.”

 

“And you somehow knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she was going to attack _Clint_?”

 

Maria frowns. She glances past Rana to meet Natasha’s eyes. “I..”

 

“Stop.” Natasha’s voice draws Rana’s attention towards her. There is a spark of fury still lingering in her eyes, though Natasha is clearly trying to restrain herself. “You're upsetting her.”

 

“Yes,” Rana agrees, “so it would seem. And I’m upsetting you in the process, too, it looks like.”

 

Natasha, already wearing her hospital gown, sits on the bed to remove her pants, shoes, and socks as she makes a quiet sound of frustration at Rana’s attitude.

 

“Bra and underwear?” Maria asks, eager to change the subject.

 

“Bras off, please. And I have slippers for you both around here somewhere.” Rana moves away from them to look through some of the cupboards lining the exam room walls.

 

“Ah, here we are.” Rana tosses them both a pair of hospital slippers. “Helen is waiting for us in the imaging suite next door. Shall we?”

 

* * *

 

 

The initial testing is just as quick and painless as Rana promised. With both Rana and Helen working on Natasha and Maria simultaneously they’re done in almost no time, and no one remarks on how strange it is to have Rana and Helen doing work that they would normally leave to their subordinates.

 

In less than two hours Maria and Natasha are back in their clothes, and the four of them are sitting around the table in Rana’s office.

 

Natasha looks around the table. “Alright, so, is anyone going to tell me why we called Helen Cho in?”

 

Rana glances at Maria, surprised. “You didn’t tell her?”

 

“Natasha didn’t want to know, and you said we should keep her as relaxed as possible.” Maria shrugs helplessly.

 

Rana and Helen exchange a look.

 

“Can someone just start talking, please!” What little patience Natasha has is quickly running out.

 

“She’s here because they’re worried the pheromones are affecting you at a genetic level,” Maria says quietly. Before either of the doctors can respond.

 

For one brief moment Maria can clearly see the fear in Natasha’s eyes. But then she blinks and it’s gone.

 

“Alright.” Natasha takes a deep breath and looks between the two doctors. “Why does that mean Maria needed to be tested?”

 

“Thor found a lot in the Asgardian archives,” Helen says. “Apparently they’ve had dealings with these creatures before. They’re called the K’tal and they were allies of Asgard thousands of years ago, until civil war ripped their society apart and almost destroyed their world. So the Asgardians know quite a bit about them.”

 

Natasha shifts impatiently. She didn’t ask for an alien history lesson; she asked why they suspected Maria was in danger. But she knows it will be faster to simply let them speak than it will be to argue with them about it. So she swallows her sigh and pays attention to what the doctors are saying.

 

“We made a lot of assumptions when you and Tony were first exposed,” Rana continues the story. “Based on the way Tony was acting, we assumed it was some kind of alien aphrodisiac. But Tony didn’t get a full dose of the pheromones. He was only exposed to them for a handful of seconds when he pushed you out of the cloud. And in smaller doses that’s exactly what the pheromones are; an alien aphrodisiac.” Rana glances between Natasha and Mara. “But that isn’t their intended purpose.”

 

Helen opens one of the files on the table and takes out four different readouts. She hands two of them to Natasha and Maria. “These were the pheromone levels in your system, Natasha, and also in Tony’s, immediately after you were exposed.”

 

Natasha and Maria glance over the papers, and Helen hands them two more. “And when we tested you both again, this is what we found.”

 

Tony’s levels show a drastic decrease, though Natasha’s are significantly higher than they were. Natasha forces herself to breathe past the panic that squeezes her lungs.

 

“We’re expecting your levels are even higher at this point,” Rana says. “But we believe they’ve reached a plateau. Which is why you are mostly in control of yourself again. Your body is adjusting as the pheromones levels stabilize, and it’s finding an equilibrium.”

 

“Wonderful,” Natasha murmurs sarcastically, unable to tear her eyes away from the results of her blood test.

 

Maria frowns. “You haven’t told us what the pheromones are actually used for.”

 

Rana sighs. “That’s where things get a little more complicated.”

 

“More complicated than having this alien whatever the fuck making itself at home in my body?” Natasha finally looks away from the papers in front of her to refocus on the doctors. “It’s why you tested Maria, isn’t it?”

 

“The pheromones are intended to be used in K’tal commitment ceremonies,” Helen says as gently as she can. “They’re used to join couples to one another.”

 

“They.. what?” Maria manages.

 

“The K’tal mate for life. They form unbreakable physiological and psychological bonds with one another, and once that bond is made it cannot be broken. It would kill them immediately if it was. So to make sure they don’t bind themselves to the wrong person, or persons, they use their pheromones.” Rana gives them a moment to process that before she continues. “We don’t know exactly how it works; only that it does. Once they’ve been exposed to the pheromones the K’tal will only bond with the one they’re meant for. They believe it’s how they find their soulmates.”

 

“You think that we.. that I’m..” Maria stammers. she shakes her head and tries again. “You’re saying the pheromones decided that we're _soulmates_?”

 

“We think it’s very likely,” Helen agrees.

 

Natasha laughs. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

“The bond changes you,” Rana tells them. “It doesn’t just affect the way you feel about one another; it changes you on a cellular level. It binds you together emotionally, yes, but also physically and psychically.”

 

“Ok but what are the odds this would work the same way on humans?” Natasha scoffs. “No offense, Maria, but the way I felt yesterday I’m pretty sure I would have fucked anyone that stood still long enough.”

 

Maria gives Natasha an annoyed look. “How do I _not_ take offense to that?”

 

“You didn’t, though,” Rana reminds her, cutting in before Natasha can say something else that makes it worse. “Tony tried to force himself on the medical team that was helping him, but you somehow managed to make it all the way back to the tower without incident. You could have found any number of partners between here and there, but you didn’t. And I’m willing to bet you still gave Maria a choice in the matter.”

 

“Of course I did!”

 

“The bond cannot be formed by force; someone under the influence of the pheromones would never simply take the one that they want. It is something that has to be given freely, of their own volition.”

 

“No!” Natasha snaps. “What you’re saying is _impossible_!”

 

“We’ll know for sure once we get the test results back.” Helen checks her watch. “Which should hopefully be any minute now.”

 

Something flashes across Natasha’s awareness and she turns to look at Maria. Maria has paled, and she is staring straight through all of them. “Maria, it’s going to be fine,” Natasha assures her. “There’s no way that they’re right about this.”

 

Maria blinks and turns her wide eyed gaze to Natasha. “You were going to murder Clint. I could _feel_ it. You were so scared that he’d hurt me. And my headache. It shouldn’t have disappeared that easily. But fifteen minutes sleeping next to you and it completely vanished.”

 

“Maria,” Natasha tries again, and there is a pleading edge to her words this time. “They’re not right. They _can’t_ be right. It’s insane! We aren't.. we didn’t.. We’re not _bonded_ to one another!”

 

Maria turns back to the doctors. “If we are do you know how to fix it?”

 

“Not yet,” Rana admits reluctantly. “We have a lot of research that we need to do, and a lot of experiments to run. If we attempt to break the bond, and we do it wrong, it could kill you both.”

 

There is a knock at Rana’s office door and she calls for the person to enter. A young medical intern steps into the room. “I have the test results you ordered, Doctor Nazri.”

 

“Wonderful, thank you.” Rana holds out her hand and the intern moves to give her the file.

 

“Was there anything else that you needed?” The intern asks.

 

“Not right now,” Rana answers absently as she opens the file.

 

Helen leans in to review it with her while the intern makes a quick exit. Natasha and Maria wait, both convinced the file says something different. The two doctors flip through the pages of test results and speak in hushed tones for a few moments before they look up at Natasha and Maria.

 

They don’t need to say a word. The look in their eyes is enough.

 

“Oh, god,” Maria whispers.

 

Natasha doesn’t say anything at all. She simply gets up and runs from the room.

 

“Natasha!” Maria shouts, but Natasha doesn’t so much as look back. She’s out of the room before Maria stands, and Maria is reminded of how fast Natasha actually is when she wants to be. “Fuck,” Maria groans.

 

Maria falls back into her chair and focuses on the doctors in front of her. “Alright. So. Now what?”

 

“Now we run some more tests, if you’re up for it,” Rana replies.

 

Maria folds her arms on the table and drops her head down to rest against them. “Do I have much of a choice?” She mutters into the tabletop.

 

Rana sighs. “I’m so sorry Maria.”

 

“We need to stop Natasha before she leaves the building,” Helen remarks. “I don’t think she understands how bad that would be.”

 

“What?” Maria raises her head and looks between them. “Why would that be bad?”

 

“We didn’t quite expect her to react like that. We thought we’d get a chance to explain what this means for the two of you. We didn’t want to scare you if we were wrong.” Rana gives Maria a tired smile. “We very much wanted to be wrong.”

 

“You..” Maria blinks. “You didn’t want to _scare us_? The fact that we’re bound together, potentially for **life** , isn’t the scary part?”

 

“No. Unfortunately it’s not.”

 

“For fuck’s sakes Rana! Lead with that next time!” Maria exclaims. Maria pushes to her feet. “Ten words or less; why is Natasha leaving SHIELD bad?”

 

The look Rana gives her makes Maria’s blood run cold.

 

“Because it could kill you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the lag time between chapters. 2018 has been absolutely kicking my ass so far and life keeps getting in the way. I appreciate your patience and understanding, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait! <3

_Because it could kill you._

 

Maria gives herself twenty seconds to feel the terror that those five words creates within her, and then she turns and runs for the door.

 

 _God damnit, Natasha,_ Maria curses silently.

 

Maria knows that she isn’t being fair. If Natasha hadn’t beaten her to it Maria absolutely would have run out of that room like her ass was on fire. But Natasha was faster, and Maria figured someone should probably stay and find out what the fuck this meant for them. Maria can’t be mad with Natasha for running when the only reason she didn’t is because Natasha ran before she had a chance to.

 

(But she _is._ )

 

Instead of chasing Natasha through SHIELD Maria would much rather be finding out what other terrifying shit the two doctors have kept to themselves. Because Maria can’t shake the feeling that they’ve just barely scratched the surface of how very fucked they are.

 

Too busy cursing Natasha in her mind, Maria doesn’t realize that she isn’t really deciding where to run; she’s just running. She doesn’t notice until she gets to her office and she isn’t quite sure how she got there. Maria gives herself a mental shake as she comes to a stop in front of her door, and she frowns.

 

It’s already ajar.

 

Maria pushes her office door the rest of the way open. “You know, sneaking into the Assistant Director’s office is a good way to get shot.”

 

Natasha snorts. “I heard you coming a mile away. You’re really loud when you run.” Natasha is leaning against the far window with her back to the room, and she doesn’t so much as glance in Maria’s direction.

 

Maria steps into her office and closes the door behind her, but she doesn’t move any closer. There is a tightness in Natasha’s shoulders that Maria knows better than to fuck with.

 

“There’s a lot they still need to explain to us, apparently,” Maria tells her. “The sooner we go back the sooner we can get this over with.”

 

“I’m good, thanks.”

 

Maria closes her eyes and she counts to three before responding. “You’re being petulant.”

 

That gets Natasha’s attention. She turns away from the window, eyes flashing as she meets Maria’s gaze. “What else could they possibly have to say to us at this point? They’ve already said everything that matters. We’re stuck with one another. Period. Full stop.”

 

Maria tries very hard to not take Natasha’s fury personally. She really does.

 

“Look. I’m really fucking sorry that I ruined your life. Apparently I should have just let the pheromones kill you, and I promise I will next time if that's really what you want. But, according to Rana, if you’d left this building without me I would have died. And that’s not quite how I was hoping to go. So if you could just for five fucking minutes remember that you aren’t the only one affected by this, and stop behaving like a petulant child, I would _really_ appreciate it!”

 

Maria is shaking and she doesn’t quite know if it’s from fear or exhaustion or rage. But she can’t make it stop. She takes a deep breath and covers her mouth with her hand when her exhale turns into a sob.

 

Natasha is by her side before Maria can blink.

 

“Fuck, Maria, I’m.. please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” Maria manages. “I’m just so fucking _tired_ , Natasha.”

 

“I know.” Natasha steps closer and awkwardly wraps her arms around Maria’s shoulders, pulling Maria against her chest. Maria relaxes against her and Natasha exhales slowly. She hadn’t been sure that Maria would want to be held.

 

Natasha is _scared_. Being irrevocably bound to Maria, potentially for the rest of their lives, is her greatest fear. It’s Natasha’s worst nightmare and dream come true all at once.

 

As much as Natasha may want this, if it were to get out, if her relationship to Maria became public knowledge, Maria would immediately become the target of every person looking to hurt the Black Widow. And there are more of them than Natasha cares to think about in that moment.

 

There are more than Natasha would ever be able to protect Maria from.

 

Eventually Natasha will make a mistake. She’s good at what she does, but she isn’t perfect. Natasha knows that eventually she’ll slip up and it’s going to cost Maria her life when she does. It’s simply a matter of time, and Natasha has no idea how to even begin dealing with this.

 

But standing there with Maria in her arms, Natasha suspects that she begins by remembering that she isn’t the only one affected here. And, given Maria’s sudden and uncharacteristic tears, it’s very likely that Maria is just as terrified as Natasha is.

 

“It’s going to be ok,” Natasha promises her softly. “We’re going to figure this out.”

 

“They want to run some more tests,” Maria murmurs against Natasha’s shoulder.

 

“I bet they do.”

 

“We should go do that.”

 

Natasha trails her hand down Maria’s back. “Are you sure? We could stay here for a bit longer, if you wanted to.”

 

Maria needs to know what other fun death traps there might be that they don’t know about yet. She needs to know exactly what she’s condemned Natasha to. But this is the first time all day that she’s felt settled. The anxious tremor in the back of her mind is finally gone, and Maria needs just a little bit more of this.

 

“Maybe just for another minute,” Maria says quietly.

 

Natasha hides her smile against Maria’s hair. “Whatever you need, Любимая.”

 

The term of endearment slips out automatically. Like having Maria in her arms, it just feels **right**. But as soon as she says it Natasha knows it was a mistake. The tension returns to Maria’s body and she immediately steps back, pulling away from Natasha’s embrace.

 

“Sorry,” Maria murmurs. She won’t meet Natasha’s eyes. “You don’t need to..” Maria shakes her head. Natasha has made it exceedingly clear how she feels, and Maria shouldn’t be putting her in this position. It isn’t Natasha’s job to comfort her. “We should go.”

 

Natasha nods and swallows the sting of rejection as she follows Maria from the room. “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

Maria was right. They had only just scratched the surface of how very fucked they were before Natasha ran from the room.

 

Given the extensive testing, and the way Rana and Helen are acting, it's not a surprise to hear that Natasha has transferred the pheromones to Maria like some kind of fucked up alien STD. The pheromone levels in Maria’s system are still negligible, but they expect Maria to begin feeling the effects before much longer.

 

Because Maria is getting them from a secondary source, her reaction to the pheromones won’t be as severe as Natasha’s was. But the next day or two still promises to be unpleasant (and potentially life threatening).

 

“We’re still going through everything Thor brought us,” Rana says, almost apologetically, “but it seems like this isn’t a natural evolutionary trait for the K’tal. It’s actually kind of fascinating..”

 

She trails off as Maria and Natasha both give her the same incredulous look, and Rana’s dark skin doesn't quite hide her blush.

 

Rana coughs. “Anyway. If we’re understanding this properly the pheromones are actually something they engineered into their biology over a thousand years ago. We’re still not sure exactly what it is, but it isn’t all organic. It’s almost like-” Rana gestures vaguely as she tries to think of an appropriate comparison. “-a powerful network of microscopic computers.”

 

“Tell me you’re joking,” Maria says after a few moments of stunned silence. “Tell me there aren’t actually tiny little alien computers in our bodies doing whatever the hell they want, and we have no way of stopping them.”

 

“No, not whatever they want,” Rana corrects. “They would be performing a very specific set of actions.”

 

“Because that’s so much better,” Natasha mutters.

 

“So what is it that they’re doing, exactly?” Maria’s impatience for answers is clear in her tone, and Helen gives her a sympathetic smile.

 

“It starts with the person exposed to the pheromones; that’s you, Natasha,” Rana explains. “You need a certain amount of the pheromones in your system before it turns into more than just an alien aphrodisiac, and once you hit that critical mass the systems begin to engage.”

 

“The pheromones flood through your body, mostly dormant, until you encounter, according to the K’tal, the one that you’re meant for. ‘The missing parts of your soul’ appears to be the literal translation.” Rana holds Maria’s gaze for a moment before turning her attention to Natasha. She is looking for some kind of recognition, some flicker of understanding in their eyes, but they both just look carefully skeptical. Rana glances at Helen out of the corner of her eye and Helen ever so slightly shrugs her shoulder.

 

“There is a very specific sequence of events that has to occur for the bond to engage,” Helen picks up where Rana left off. “First, obviously, the physical attraction has to be there. If it’s not, then there isn't a way for the pheromones to spread to the other person, or, persons.”

 

“Then the pheromones.. create this attraction?” Maria asks carefully. “So they can spread like a virus to the new host?”

 

“No.” Helen shakes her head. “It may amplify the need in the person exposed to them, but it can’t create something that isn’t there.”

 

“Oh.” Maria blinks. She glances at Natasha and quickly looks away when she finds Natasha already looking at her.

 

Natasha crosses her arms over her chest. “Come on, have you seen you?” There is a distinctly defensive edge to her words. “Of course I’m attracted to you. Anyone with working eyes and a sex drive would be attracted to you.”

 

Maria has no idea how she’s supposed to respond to that. Thankfully Rana continues speaking, saving Maria from needing to figure it out.

 

“Once the pheromones have spread that's when the bond, that powerful networked system, begins to form. It takes about a week for it to completely settle, and during that time it can be very fragile. If it breaks, accidentally or intentionally, it will kill you both.” Rana gives them a moment for that to sink in before she continues. “The pheromones are currently infiltrating every part of your body. Your heart, your lungs, your brain, **everything**. And if the bond fails the pheromones begin to die.”

 

“And that’s bad?” Natasha frowns. “Isn’t that what we want to happen? Don’t we want the pheromones to die?”

 

Helen wonders how Natasha missed the ‘kill you both part’ of Rana’s explanation, and she spells it out more clearly. “Not unless you also want billions of tiny toxic particles spread throughout your body, slowly shutting down your organs.”

 

“Now _that_ sounds bad.”

 

“But, physical attraction isn’t really the best indication of someone you should be spending the rest of your life with.” Maria’s brows crinkle. “You’re telling me that because we slept together we’re just.. bound to one another now? _Forever_?”

 

“Not.. exactly..” Helen hedges. “There are very specific things that have to be present before the bond will begin to solidify.”

 

Natasha and Maria exchange a look.

 

“What kinds of things?” Maria asks carefully.

 

“The bond will begin the basic stages of activation if the pheromones decide you are a match for one another. But before it will actually link you together it requires a very specific component,” Rana tells them. “There must be a mutual and genuine commitment to one another.”

 

“A what?” Maria and Natasha say at the same time.

 

“Basically you have to promise yourselves to one another; voluntarily and sincerely. During traditional K’tal bonding ceremonies it amounts to what we would consider wedding vows, but they don't have to be that formal. As long as you pledge yourselves, and mean it, the bond will begin to settle. According to what we’ve read you can feel the difference when it happens. You can feel the exact moment the bond begins to engage.”

 

Maria goes very still. She knows exactly what Rana is talking about; she remembers that feeling. The certainty that something monumental had passed between them; something life changing and _real_. “Oh god.”

 

“And this only happens to people these microscopic machines have decided are .. soulmates?” Natasha has trouble saying the word. She wonders if this is some cruel joke the universe is playing on her.

 

“Right.” Helen nods.

 

“But how..” Natasha shakes her head. “How the hell do they _decide_ that?”

 

Rana spreads her hands helplessly. “We don’t know. This technology is so far beyond what we’re capable of it isn’t even funny. We don’t think the present day K’tal would even be able to answer that. This is technology that they lost centuries ago. But, according to what Thor brought us, there has never once been a recorded instance of the pheromones being wrong.”

 

“Until now, you mean,” Natasha murmurs. She can feel Maria looking at her, but she does not turn to face her. This has to be a mistake. Even if Natasha did believe in soulmates ( _which I_ **_don’t_** , Natasha reminds herself firmly) surely Maria’s soulmate would be someone else. Someone worthy of her.

 

Someone who wouldn’t put Maria’s life in danger just by loving her and being with her.

 

“Natasha we don’t think that–” Rana begins gently.

 

“Has there ever been a record of humans being exposed?” Natasha interrupts.

 

Helen sighs. “Not that we can find.”

 

“There you go, then. It must work differently with humans.” Natasha insists, and she wonders if Maria can feel how scared she is through the bond the same way Natasha can feel how much her words are hurting her.

 

“How do we keep the bond from breaking?” Maria’s voice is subdued and Natasha still does not turn to meet her eyes.

 

Rana flips through her notes. “Distance is mentioned a lot. It takes about a week for the bond to completely settle, and you'll need to make sure you don't get too far away from one another during that time.”

 

Natasha frowns. “Ok, but how far is too far?”

 

“I couldn't find a specific limit.” Rana glances at Helen. “Did you see anything?”

 

“No, it looks like newly bonded are typically inseparable. They don't tend to go more than a room away from one another voluntarily.” Helen looks between Natasha and Maria. “If you get too far away from one another you’ll know it, and you should be able to fix it before it starts to strain the bond.”

 

“ _Should_.” Maria rubs at her face in frustration. “That's great.”

 

“But it's only for the first week,” Rana is quick to repeat. “Once it settles there's no limit to how far it'll stretch.”

 

“Ok. So we stay close to one another. What else?” Natasha presses.

 

“There isn’t very much in here on how to break the bond,” Rana says as she looks back at her notebook. “You have to remember; it’s exceedingly rare for the bond to be activated by mistake, or by people who don’t wish to be bonded to one another.”

 

Helen taps at a specific line on the page Rana is looking at. “There was a brief mention about a triad who had managed to break their bond without meaning to. It was a great tragedy, and they unfortunately don’t linger on the details. But the three of them were dead within hours of one another as the bond failed.”

 

“They referenced something..” Rana murmurs as she turns to the next page of her notes. “Ah. Here it is. The K’tal call it the ‘dark passion’. But that’s the only thing we’ve found so far.”

 

“What the hell does that even mean?” Maria demands, completely exasperated.

 

“We’re still trying to figure that out.” Helen sighs. “The allspeak is definitely helping with the translation, but the K’tal language is.. oddly phrased. We’re still trying to decipher a lot of what the records say.”

 

Rana focuses on Maria as she closes her notebook. “You mentioned a headache earlier? When did that start?”

 

“This morning, maybe an hour or two after I woke up?”

 

“What were you doing before the headache started?” Rana asks.

 

Maria looks at Natasha out of the corner of her eye. “We had breakfast. And then I went downstairs to wait for Natasha.”

 

Rana hums thoughtfully. “That’s it?”

 

“That’s it,” Maria confirms.

 

“It could have been the distance,” Helen muses. “You said it disappeared after you spent some time with Natasha?”

 

Maria nods. “We flew back together in the quinjet. I had a nap on the way here, and when I woke up it was gone.”

 

“How far apart were you? For how long?” Rana asks.

 

“Uh.” Maria glances at Natasha and shrugs. “Not far. Ten floors, for about four hours, maybe?”

 

“That must be it then.” Helen turns to Rana. “What do you think?”

 

“It must be,” Rana agrees. “So I guess we know what constitutes a safe distance then. Ten floors must be right at the limit. If you’d actually gone beyond the range of the bond you would have suffered more than a bad headache.”

 

Natasha exhales tiredly. She feels completely exhausted. “So what now?”

 

“Now we continue our research, and try to find a way to safely disable the bond. In the meantime you two just focus on getting through the rest of the week, and you call us if anything changes.”

 

Natasha nods slowly as she thinks about everything they’ve learned. She glances towards Maria, and she can see the same conclusion in Maria’s sapphire eyes.

 

Rana makes it sound so simple, but getting through the rest of this week may be easier said than done.

 

* * *

 

By the time they’re finally finished with the doctors Maria feels like she could sleep for a month. She can feel Natasha’s exhaustion on top of her own, and it’s pure force of will that carries Maria out of Rana’s office. If she wasn’t so desperate to be alone for a little while Maria probably would have just curled up in her seat and gone to sleep at Rana’s table.

 

Fury returned from Washington as they were finishing up, and he told Natasha and Maria in no uncertain terms that they were off duty for the foreseeable future. Until Rana cleared them they were under strict orders to take care of themselves and not worry about work. The two of them were to come in as often as the doctors required to get this taken care of, but beyond that they were to relax.

 

If there hadn't been so much concern hiding in the obsidian of Fury’s eye Maria would have laughed. The idea that either of them would be able to relax at this point was beyond ridiculous. But Fury was worried for them, and Fury was _never_ worried. So, instead of arguing with him about it like they both wanted to, Natasha and Maria had simply accepted it.

 

Maria sighs as she steps onto the elevator to head down to her quarters. A week. An entire _week_ of this.

 

Each time Maria looks at Natasha she can see the same worry reflected in her moss green eyes. The two of them barely managed to survive the first day and a half; getting through a full week seems like too much to ask.

 

For the K’tal, the week that it takes for the bond to settle is a sacred time. The newly bonded usually spend the week completely lost in one another and the other members of their community bring them food each day, and small gifts to celebrate their union. It is a common belief among the K’tal that the newly bonded, too distracted by one another to function, would surely die if food and water was not provided for them.

 

When Maria thinks about the way Natasha had been yesterday, and how hard it was to say no to her, Maria can understand why the newly bonded need so much looking after. It is a bit of a relief that the two of them seem to be more coherent and aware than the K’tal typically are at this point in the process. The doctors believe their human physiology might be responsible, but Maria doesn’t really care about the why of it right now. All that matters to her is that it’s helping to make this easier on them.

 

They just need to get through the rest of this week somehow.

 

The elevator comes to a stop and the two women exchange a small nod as they head in opposite directions. Maria moves towards her quarters to gather some things she’ll need for the rest of the week while Natasha heads off to find Clint and fill him in. And, even though they know roughly how far apart they can be without endangering their bond, Natasha and Maria are still extremely aware of each step that they take away from one another.

 

Maria exhales tiredly as she steps into her quarters. She doesn’t even bother taking off her shoes before she stretches out across her bed with a quiet groan.

 

They’ve agreed that Natasha’s apartment at the Tower is the best place to spend the rest of the week. Maria has an apartment of her own off base, but Natasha’s is closer to SHIELD. And, if anything goes wrong, they’ll have the rest of the Avengers and Jarvis to summon if they need help. Maria just has to grab a couple of items before they leave, and her eyes drift shut as she makes a mental list of the things she wants to take with her to Natasha’s.

 

Maria is trying to decide if she should bring her laptop, and how mad Fury might be if she attempts to log in to the server and get some work done, when she falls asleep. One moment Maria is thinking of how much paperwork will pile up if she isn't allowed to log in and deal with it, and the next she is lost to her dreams.

 

When Natasha shows up to take her to the Tower twenty minutes later she finds Maria fast asleep and very much not packed. Natasha stands at the foot of Maria’s bed and watches her sleep for a few minutes while she debates her options.

 

Natasha could pack for her, she supposes. Natasha knows Maria well enough to know what items she will need and which ones she will want. She even knows which items Maria will want, but will still probably leave behind (like her laptop). But the thought of doing that, waking Maria, and then making their way over to the Tower is just too much.

 

The doctors took up more of their time than either woman expected, and the day has melted away into night. Natasha is _tired_ , and she doesn't have the energy to do all of that and then make it back across the city tonight.

 

Natasha bends and slowly removes Maria’s shoes and socks. She puts them by the door, where she leaves hers, too, before turning back to the bed. She's reaching for the button on Maria’s jeans before she realizes what she's doing.

 

Natasha freezes.

 

Jeans are not comfortable to sleep in. But, Natasha rationalizes, neither are bras. And she certainly isn't taking Maria’s bra off for her. Before all of this Natasha wouldn't have hesitated. But with everything that has happened between them it feels _weird_.

 

Natasha decides that sleeping in her jeans won't kill Maria, and she moves around to the other side of the bed. Crawling into bed beside Maria feels weird, too. But unless she's willing to sleep on the floor (which she isn't) Natasha doesn't have any other options. She has her own quarters she could go to, but in that moment Natasha simply doesn’t have the energy to walk to the other end of the building.

 

Natasha slips out of her own jeans and bra before she crawls under the blankets. Too tired to bother folding them, Natasha leaves them in a small pile next to her side of the bed. She knows Maria is a stickler for a tidy room but Natasha is confident that Maria will have more important things to worry about when she wakes up than the small, temporary pile of clothes on the floor.

 

Maria’s bed isn't very big. Like all of the beds on the base it is only a double, and not at all made for two adults to share. Natasha can keep a sliver of space between them if she lays on the very edge of the mattress, but she knows as soon as she falls asleep it won't matter anyway. Natasha is under no illusions about how drawn she is to Maria right now, and how little control she has over it.

 

Natasha curls her body around Maria and allows herself to relax against Maria’s back. Something clicks inside of her, and Natasha releases a quiet hum of contentment. It feels nice. It feels like coming home. And Natasha knows that it's the pheromones, or the bond, or some other random alien bullshit. Natasha _knows_ that this thing between them isn’t real. But, in that moment, Natasha doesn't care.

 

In that moment the only thing that matters is the soft sound of Maria’s even breaths and the way she shifts to press into Natasha more firmly, even in her sleep. All that matters to Natasha right now is how safe she feels, and how much she missed this today. So Natasha does not worry about what is and is not real in that moment. Instead, Natasha pushes the blanket down a bit so she can drape her arm across Maria’s waist and she presses a chaste kiss to Maria’s shoulder before resting her head on the corner of Maria’s pillow.

 

Natasha thinks she can feel the bond between them. In that moment it feels like a loop of happiness and contentment; a warm feeling that Natasha allows herself to sink into. Natasha hopes that Maria won't be upset that she didn't wake her, or that Natasha took it upon herself to join Maria in bed. But as tired as she is Natasha doesn't have the energy to worry about it. Tomorrow will come soon enough, she thinks, and she can go back to worrying about things then.

 

<<Sweet dreams, Любимая,>> Natasha murmurs softly, and she is asleep almost before she is done speaking.

 

* * *

 

Maria wakes in the middle of the night with the feeling that she has forgotten something important. Natasha shifts, pressing closer to her back, and Maria blinks against the darkness. It takes her a moment to realize that they’re still at SHIELD and Maria stifles a groan as she remembers the packing she never got done.

 

Listening to Natasha’s slow and steady breathing Maria doesn’t even consider waking her. Natasha has had a very stressful and exhausting couple of days, and Maria is glad that she is getting some much needed rest. Besides, Maria figures if getting to the Tower tonight had really mattered to Natasha then Natasha would have woken her.

 

Maria shifts and winces at the pain up and down her legs. The material of her jeans has been digging into her skin for hours, and moving hurts enough to convince Maria to get up and deal with it. She carefully slides out from under Natasha’s arm and removes her jeans. Her bra is the next to go and Maria tosses them both carelessly over a chair in the corner, too tired to care about actually putting them away. Turning back to the bed Maria is surprised to see that Natasha hasn’t crept into the empty space.

 

Unwilling to tempt fate, or the Russian bed hog, Maria crawls back into bed. She burrows in under the blankets and sighs contentedly when Natasha curls into her side. Maria wraps her arms around her and presses a kiss to Natasha’s forehead. It feels good to have Natasha in her arms again. It feels _right_. And though Maria is well aware of the fact that this feeling is the result of their weird alien bond, she’s having trouble finding the energy to care.

 

Natasha mumbles something in her sleep, and though Maria doesn’t hear what Natasha says it still makes her smile.

 

“Sweet dreams, baby,” Maria murmurs, brushing her lips against Natasha’s skin as sleep claims her once again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sartorial Takedown](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16177862) by [Tigerkid14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigerkid14/pseuds/Tigerkid14)




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